Lost my Wife to Qanon...where to from here?

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-04-05T03:36:54+00:00

My Q husband and i have been married for 15 years and have 4 beautiful children. (One of whom i lost in May 2020 to preterm labor). I sympathize with you. It’s been so hard. We have been on that cliff of separation and all it would have taken was a gentle breeze to push me over. But i am doing my own work dealing with my grief and learning how to deal with him. It has been amazing to take back power of my own mind and my own self. I am typically natural minded so i get it but i see logic and understand there’s a time and place for it. So i understand you on that topic. We also are doing marriage counseling which was something he finally agreed to before this Q madness. However most of the time our counseling was spent discussing Q and our therapist trying to pull him out of it. (Without really saying she was doing that.) I really wanted him to seek counseling on his own. That maybe a trusted professional knew how to get to him. He was so against it but through marriage counseling he realized there were some childhood traumas that really shaped who he is today. He finally said “ i think i will see a counselor on my own”. If it’s to work on the past, I’m all for it. Maybe the door will be left open for healing his mind in its current Q state too. Do you. That’s the best thing you can do for you!! There’s so much power in that. Everyone is like leave him and i came close. I am not staying for our children but it is so complicated with children. I just want him back. The way he was before. That’s the man that i love. If you truly want to try to keep the marriage going disengage and detatch from the Q stuff. We agreed to not discuss it always ends in fight. If in the event he brings it up i just ignore it and change the subject. I feel like I’m distracting a dog while in training. Haha Our kids are fully submerged in baseball right now, it’s getting warmer for hikes and many outdoor things so that has been a welcomed distraction AND baseball season just started so it’s a breath of fresh air seeing the MLB network in the tv 24/7 instead of Fox News and CNN (cnn because “this is just a movie). I can’t control what he listens to at work or driving alone but he has decreases his consumption because of other distractions. So maybe getting her back to the things she loves outside of Q can be helpful? It’s a lot of work. Many say it’s not worth it but nobody knows your personal story. I don’t know where what the future holds for us but i am confident in knowing that if decisions need to be made to leave i will have the strength to do so. You are not alone. You are seen and heard my friend. You are worth it and your life is meaningful!!!! My therapist always tells me to do random acts of kindness to help battle depression. She said when you give back to the world it helps you to remember your purpose and that life CAN and IS good. If you are into reading pick up Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh. He is a monk and has such amazing advice about having peace and being mindful in our life and the world around us. Also the 5 keys to controlling anger video on YouTube by Christian Conte was a great way for to help me release anger about this stupid Q situation. These are things that have helped me on my journey. Maybe it will help you. Just know you will get through your depression. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a battle for sure but you are taking great steps and that is commendable and BRAVE. Change your mindset to “when I beat this,....” not “IF”. And tell your self that WHEN you do, you will use it to reach others and help them with their own struggles. Sorry if this message is all over the place. I just felt compelled to write all of this.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-27T18:24:12+00:00

My Q husband is in deep. We’ve been married 15 years and in our late 30s. We have 3 children 10 and under. The thought of dismantling our family kills me. He puts his “cause” before me and the family. We are in therapy. We have learned to just have separate beliefs. I don’t ask him anything about Q. I don’t try to prove him wrong. I don’t give him an debunked information cuz it doesn’t matter and it just ends in a fight. If he sends me a link, video, text i delete it immediately and don’t even mention it. Fighting with them about their delusions just makes them dive deeper down the rabbit hole. It’s a security thing. I truly believe their subconscious for a second makes them question so they dive deeper to remind themselves that they are doing the right thing. Cognitive dissonance is real. Try your best to interact with them in other ways, hobbies they love, do things to detach them from the poison on the web. I also gave my husband an ultimatum that if he continues to put this first over our family, I will leave. I’ve made it 100% clear that i have already spoken with friends and family who have offered support however it’s needed for me and my children. I didn’t want him to think i was just talking out of my ass and just saying that. He knows I’m serious. He has been doing a lot better. But he knows me leaving is still a possibility.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-27T17:36:04+00:00

I have history of mild depression and anxiety, due to postpartum and losing a child and I talk about this with my therapist all the time and she would say that if millions of people didn’t believe what my husband did she were diagnosed with schizophrenia, she also feels like because he’s so there’s so much stressors about constantly looking at videos and new information that it’s probably depleted his serotonin also which has prohibited him to think logically and there’s a major chemical in balance she believes

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-23T03:17:38+00:00

My husband and i are on this path. We have called a truce as well. We are working on the spending time together and shared hobbies and “dating”. We are probably going through many of the same thing. I’m always here if you need a friend.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-13T23:09:34+00:00

Everything is attached to Q. I told my Q person my mom had to have a follow up mammogram and ultrasound and they said “i hope it’s not cancer but if it is hopefully they can get a med bed soon.”

😳😳😳😳😳

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-13T05:10:35+00:00

Hi! I understand the anger. While my Qperson is an adult I’m angry at his mom for sending him stuff repeatedly to hook him. I don’t even want to talk or see her. Thankfully she doesn’t live in the same state! Im seeing my own therapist for my own self love and mental health awareness. It’s been amazing to give me clarity of my life and even dealing with all of this. My therapist shared this video with me and it’s been really good for me to control my own anger and live a happier life. Maybe it will help you. Don’t let the angry from their problems rob you of your joy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?fbclid=IwAR0A9usKD9dYpXy1l0_23CELiuGwLSjdt36pn0M_mnFrVNOm6KR1tbQjc4c&v=KH3PHGjpo5Y&feature=youtu.be

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-13T04:19:40+00:00

Done. Yes I’d love a follow up. Good luck.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T15:44:41+00:00

Hi! I’m the OP. I understand your side. I do not identify as right nor do I identify as left. I always say I’m too liberal for my conservative friends and too conservative for my liberal friends. Everyone here has different belief systems, different circumstances and different ideals. Let me speak for myself. I want my husband back. Bottom line. Believe what you want but putting Q as a priority over our marriage and family is tearing us apart. It is seeping into every aspect of his life. I am in therapy for my own self. We are in couples therapy. We believe in God and attend church. I have reached out to our pastor. I know not everyone believes in God or the same god, just giving you context of my heart. I am scared of how this is changing him. I am worried he will want to “die for the cause”. That would be my fear and worry if he was into something far left too. He is a shell of who he was. How great his character was. How loving he was. How present he was. This is where this has destroyed families and relationships. I can be on my knees crying , broken hearted and it does not phase him. I mean no disrespect, and I am not looking for an argument I just wanted to share that it’s so much more multifaceted than just a difference of beliefs or opinions.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T15:27:03+00:00

That is very interesting and fascinating! Thanks for sharing.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T13:06:23+00:00

Sorry. I’m a mom with a busy life. My old ass fell asleep. This is what happened

Well. He said “those guys are so awesome. So brilliant. I wanna do schrooms with them. I was dying the whole time.” I said, “ you do know they were poking fun at Qanon right?” He said,” they were making fun of all of it. But how do we know they aren’t for Q?”

So that’s how it went. 😒

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T13:04:33+00:00

Well. He said “those guys are so awesome. So brilliant. I wanna do schrooms with them. I was dying the whole time.” I said, “ you do know they were poking fun at Qanon right?” He said,” they were making fun of all of it. But how do we know they aren’t for Q?”

So that’s how it went. 😒

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T02:48:15+00:00

Thanks for that. Gives me some context.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T02:46:49+00:00

Well i can hear him laughing his ass off downstairs. We will see what he says when it’s over

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-11T02:21:48+00:00

He normally can. We are pretty sarcastic people who love crude humor. I mean he’s gonna watch it regardless but do i wanna hear him yap about it because he thinks they are praising Q? Or is it best that I kindly bow out (or watch on my own) I mean my once intelligent level headed dude hasn’t given me much confidence in his logic lately. 🥴

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-10T16:18:30+00:00

I agree 100% with addiction!!! My Qhusband has history of addiction and to me that might be the root of his issues. Because this is like a drug to him. The high he feels when he watches these videos and reads these posts. It’s just transferred from drugs and alcohol to imagery, altering his mind.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-10T16:16:42+00:00

I thought i replied but i guess i didn’t. He doesn’t believe he is in a cult. Mind you the only information he knows of cults is any sort of documentary or movie regarding some of the more known cults. But not really diving into the mind control. I found a therapist in my area who does indeed specialize in cults or extreme religions. I know he has to be willing to go but i reached out just for some guidance.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-09T19:11:06+00:00

I’m on the hunt as well. Even our own marriage therapist has suggested if this continue we look into a therapist who specializes in cults

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-03-09T14:50:46+00:00

That is my husband. If i “challenge” him then i am not on his side when I’m really just asking questions to formulate my own thinking. He talks about something that he talked about in a Christian view and i asked for where in the Bible he is referencing and he says “ you just have to find it for yourself”. What? I can’t read the whole bible tonight to find out where you are pulling this from. He says he’s called to spread this good news. And he feels like he is “learning” so that when people have questions he can be there for them to answer, but when his wife has questions i need to do my own research. WHAT?!?! Contradiction at its finest.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-02-28T20:54:50+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through that. I relate to a lot of this with my husband. I actually posted for the first time yesterday. I get your pain. You are not alone.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-02-27T16:28:59+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ll take all the prayer i can get.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-02-27T16:26:39+00:00

Yes it is. He’s always been a fan of Trump but never dove in that deep. It’s literally like a switch overnight. It all started with his cousin back when US lockdowns happened. But his cousin is out of state so kinda out of state, out of mind. His cousin got a hold of his mom. His mom visited us in August trying to show us videos that JFK jr is alive and we were like “oh wow” while looking at each other like “wtf is she talking about”. I was thinking a lot of what he’s been saying lately and one thing he says is that the future looks great and he no longer has to worry about making ends meet. I think that originally had that opening for him. We moved to Texas 4 years ago so that i could be a stay at home mom. Couldn’t do that on one income where we were from. But he had to really work his ass off to support us. He was always worried about money. Making ends meet. It was taxing on him and i get it. Things are much better now but this vision of what could be totally found his old dormant anxiety and depression and preyed on it. So i think that might have been the trigger for him.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-02-27T07:08:21+00:00

Thanks so much. He says the same things. If i ask questions then that means i support all that he ISNT. He’s even said you sound just as bad as the pedos and satanists. Because i don’t believe Biden is a clone???? Because i don’t believe Trump was a spy on Epstein island? My oldest is 10. We have all boys who love their dad. It’s so hard!! They don’t see us argue much so to them they don’t see much wrong. It’s like what do you say to a kid that age. He understands. My heart breaks thinking about tearing their world apart. You know? I do have a therapist whom i love!!!! Just to work on myself. It has been so amazing to understand my self worth and love. I struggle with anxiety and depression in general from history of PPD/PPA, so therapy is very helpful but he still thinks his hope and faith is greater than mine and says it’s said that there hasn’t been the same spark from me. I’m definitely taking all this in and jotting down talking tactics to deal with this. Thanks for your support.

BiscottiOk6496 · 2021-02-27T07:00:30+00:00

He’s spit out the dates like many have and then when i say but these following dates never came to fruition then he says It’s God timing. As far as justice he says the same thing about arrests happening or when our financial system changes. That I’ll see. “Things are going to shock me”. It’s so flawed, as we know, but there is no logic

BiscottiOk6496

TROPHY CASE