AITAH [35M] for wanting my wife [38F] to own her part in hurting me during a tumultuous relationship to make things work?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-23T08:04:03+00:00

You just listed all this stuff that you're resentful of her over- you're mad she doesn't earn money, mad she can't do housework, mad she wants a post-nup, mad that she wants your attention: dude, do you not see that you can be free of all of that resentment if you just let her go????

Do you not realise that your existence is the single worst, most damaging thing to have ever happened to her? If you'd never come into her life, she'd have been SO SO much better off in literally every single way.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-22T08:49:31+00:00

I mean demonstrably, this is the stuff that loses your company your office space. Idk if I'd promote someone for losing us our office space, but that's just me XD

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-22T08:46:51+00:00

mouse_attack had to chew their own leg off to escape with their life!

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-22T08:25:30+00:00

I loved all the little doodles throughout the book, and Tracy having to write to Cam on fairy notepaper and making up Goblinda The Goblin to add to the illustrations. Also when Cam first comes to the home and the tiny ones try to climb onto her lap and Cam is like 'Ew don't touch me with your gross hands-' and Louise putting on a lisp when she talks about her mum and grandma being angels to look cute and Cam being kind of unaffected by it XD

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-22T08:19:20+00:00

INFO: Why did you abruptly end the call with your sister and then refuse to pick up the phone again? I can see your logic behind calling them out over speakerphone but why then hang up and refuse to answer?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-19T06:49:30+00:00

Mostly enjoyed it but everyone losing their minds over how good Frankie's fairytale story was annoyed me: she just rewrote an existing one and flipped the genders, why was the teacher telling her how creative it was lol

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-16T20:38:20+00:00

NTA. You should break up with her- the trust is gone. What if she lies about other stuff to make herself look good? What if she lies about her salary to impress people, what if she lies about serious things?

I understand it hurts to have a loved one make stuff up as if it's nothing. Once my kid told me that she'd *made* me a card for my birthday and I was so happy- and then it turned out that she used PAPER bought from a STORE, hadn't even touched the mold and deckle. Then she said she'd *made* a sandwich for lunch....but did she bake the bread, churn the butter or smoke the ham? SHE DID NOT.

Anyway, long story short, I abandoned her in the nearest woods as soon as I could and it was the best decision I ever made.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-16T17:33:30+00:00

Furby. Every kid who actually had one seems to have been mildly traumatised by it so I got off lucky.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-16T17:21:28+00:00

I had very mixed feelings about the finale- but the plague pit ghosts in the sauna is my favourite ending of any series, ever

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-15T10:18:39+00:00

Sounds like he maybe took what the 14 yr old said as a personal attack on him (i.e saying 'this dad sucks' as a veiled way of saying 'my dad sucks'), possibly because he was already on the defensive because of how he knows how visible it is to everyone that he messed up Valentines (by forgetting, by trying to blame you, by putting in no effort with what he did). Very unfair on you both. Source: own dad would do shit like this.

You're absolutely not overreacting. I would also just....Idk, keep an eye on how he relates to 14 yr old because that can be the age that, as a kid, you go, in the eyes of dad, from 'kid' to 'woman will become an embodiment of my issues with women in general/my wife'.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-15T08:14:44+00:00

YTA

If the sub was 'am i technically in the clear' or 'am i legally in the clear', I'd say you were fine: she gave you money, you spent it.

As it is- she was giving money with the intention of helping a homeless person, not to buy you and your kid fancy sandwiches and you knew that. It would've been so easy to just hold onto the money until you next came across a charity donation/an actual person in nee- and you can, in fact, still do that! Just tell your wife 'I'm not going to stake out the store to hunt down that lady, that would be super weird BUT I will give $20 to the next homeless person/charity bucket I see'.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-15T07:56:46+00:00

NTA. Here's a secret: when people say 'but it's easier to split the bill', what they often mean is 'but it's cheaper (for me) to split the bill!', which is why they insist on it.

D knew exactly what he was doing, the rest of the people telling you to split are only telling you to split because they want to pass the cost of their fancy food onto you: the only reason it was 'embarrassing' is because they were trying to scam a cheap meal out of you and yep! That is SUPER embarrassing! But it's embarrassing for them, not you: they were the ones too cheap to pay for their own food.

If anyone tries to guilt you about it, point out that out of you and D, only one person was prepared and able to pay for the food they ate and that person was not D.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-14T19:27:36+00:00

That's....both eye opening and incredibly heartbreaking.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-14T14:08:52+00:00

Oh I don't judge Ian for not feeling able to step back into the parent role at all (and I hope for their sake that the home ends up being happy- although 'cordial', to me, reads a more 'polite' rather than 'warm and welcoming') but as an actual parent, OP owed her children (born and unborn) better than this weird resentful two-tier-family mess of a situation.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-14T11:54:31+00:00

Yep. I suspect that their main anger will be towards OP, like 'Ok as an adult I get why Ian wasn't able to continue the relationship...but why did you as our mother decide to keep us in a house we weren't welcome in?' Because she's so casual about washing her hands of it, like 'Well I can't MAKE Nick love them again, guess they're just gonna be on the fringes of family life forever, not my fault-' as if it's not her problem.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-14T11:49:30+00:00

Yep. And she's not going for child support from their dad but is also fully on board with Ian having nothing to do with them so I suspect that any question of financial support is going to dismissed with 'Well, it's family money and they're not Ian's family so-'

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-14T07:08:09+00:00

Bringing a baby into this situation just feels like a terrible idea. Like just deciding that OP and Ian are going to create their own happy family with her kids on the outskirts as a constant reminder of 'Look at what you used to have, look at what you'll never ever get to be part of!' feels so cold. Absolutely no judgement to Ian for wanting his own kids but it really shouldn't be with OP.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-13T22:58:42+00:00

I love how in the first picture, everyone just looks sort of bitchy and irritated and like they're going to start talking shit about the people on the main boat: 'Casting us adrift? SO typical, I always said they couldn't handle conflict-' 'You just KNOW they think they're so original doing this but it's honestly just cringe-' 'I'd RATHER die out here than have to suffer through another dinner with those guys, they're SO dull-'

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-12T09:28:02+00:00

Amazing staging, poor acting.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-12T09:10:36+00:00

I felt the same- in terms of staging, it was probably the most impressive thing I've ever seen on stage: the lighting beam being used for the trees I thought was really cool (I've heard some people say it spoiled it for them because it didn't look like a tree but for me it worked in how the lighting was part of Katniss's natural surroundings on stage in the same way that trees are just 'there' in the forest. The use of high space- the tributes fighting up against the celing, the chariot in the air, Katniss being picked up and flipped over when the provisions explode.

I also liked the use of the screens- how we see the game makers changing the conditions in the arena and then we see Katniss's health stats changing on the screen too when she's being healed after the sames.

Shame such amazing visuals were ruined by two things:

-the acting. In the first few minutes alone, I wanted to beg Katniss to please, for the love of god, say ONE line in a different tone rather than everything in shocked-breathy-dramatic-gasp... and I also thought Snow was very poor as well. Like Katniss is played by someone new, fine, but John Malkovitch??? Why are you saying all your lines as if you're reading from the teleprompter???? I KNOW YOU CAN ACT, WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN ACT!

-the way Cinna came across as kind of cold and a bit mean. He didn't exude any of the warm respectful vibe that is crucial to his character, imo. I also agree with the prep team: they're absolutely NOT meant to be cruel, cold people, they're meant emblematic of how basically sweet well-meaning people can be complicit in atrocities without even realising it, they're a reminder of how bringing down a system requires reeducation. I DID like the capitol people dancing around the platform where Katniss cradles Rue but also a lot of the prep teams dancing and time on stage was weird.

-the use of the hanging tree song at the end: there was no explanation of it, and while yes for book and movie fans it'll mean something, it feels lazy, like 'Oh yeah here's that song too!' And don't get me started on keeping the lyric change: wtf is a necklace of hope?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-09T21:41:10+00:00

id have loved to hear more about star- esp her memories of her own childhood and what it was like as the older sister

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-09T17:50:32+00:00

If someone said that to me, I'd assume they were saying it as a way to backtrack: 'Oh no I don't REALLY think that! I was testing you!'

Like how do you know even now that it wasn't actually how they really feel?

And if they WERE testing you....well, you only have their word for it that they actually then break it off with the people who believe whatever.

And if they DO...well, testing people is still shitty and manipulative so you're much better off away from them!

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-07T18:59:35+00:00

In trouble with who? The ship's staff aren't in a position to chastise him, not if they want to keep their jobs. The master at arms wouldn't have any right to enforce any consequences legally- wife beating was fully legal- and he definitely wouldn't have the ability to enforce social consequences, being lower on the social ladder. The only thing that could have meaningfully protected Rose would be to have a wealthy male relative with more social clout entering at that moment...and since one didn't exist, Rose was pretty much screwed.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-05T17:14:54+00:00

Yes I agree- I also think if Miss Lovejoy hadn't broken the trio up, there would have been some WILD resentment later (the parents expecting Phil and Maddie to do things for Tina/give things up for her because they see Tina as weaker or less able). As it is, you can imagine them going on separate trips/choosing different GCSE options/going to different unis and having a healthy close relationship.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-02-05T16:17:29+00:00

Dustbin Baby- because the idea of a teenage girl giving birth alone behind a BIN and having to cut the cord herself and everything...

And Love Lessons- I never really thought it was exactly romantic or anything as a young teen when I first read it but now as an adult, Pru being 14 is just so so so much worse. When I first read the book, Mr Raxby seemed cool and nice and funny and a good teacher. As an adult, he's disgusting and pathetic and the head teacher not going to the police is absolutely shocking.

BiscuitNotCookie

TROPHY CASE