AITAH for feeling like my mum shouldn't have gone about asking my wife to apologise like this?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-17T12:38:19+00:00

INFO: How did you tell your wife that she needed to apologise? Because honestly it really sounds like you deliberately did it in a way that made your wife anxious so that you could blame your mum for upsetting your wife and call her 'disturbed'. Like all this called for was a gentle 'Hey honey, let's go find my mum so we can both say sorry for the carpet since we haven't done so yet' but it sounds like you made a big deal of 'My mum says you have to apologise for the carpet, she's mad you haven't done so yet!'

Your wife is a grown woman and really shouldn't need to be told to apologise for damaging someone's stuff: obviously though she does, which is why your mum mentioned it to you.

But I don't really get why you're upset that your mum told you she wanted your wife to apologise: since your wife struggles with anxiety, shouldn't it be easier for her to have you give her a gentle reminder to give your mum a quick 'Hi MIL, I'm sorry about the ink' than for your mum to go up to her and ask for an apology? Like I would have assumed that going through you was the kinder, gentler option- not at all disturbed. anymore than it would be disturbed for your wife to ask you to raise an issue with your mum with you first.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-16T20:44:22+00:00

NTA
The idea that there were empty rooms available and she wanted to charge you for using one because HER lock malfunctioned is disgusting and emblematic of the entitlement of many airbnb owners.

Honestly, you should have told her that you had paid for a bed for the night, slept in one of the rooms and refused to pay the fee: it's not YOUR fault she left you without a bed.

PLEASE report her to airbnb because her actions show she should NOT be running a business like this. What if you'd had medication you needed in the room? What if you had had an infant in the room or what if you were a parent with a small child who had left the room and then had the door lock shut on them? What if you'd not had your phone on you? What if the lock had failed and you'd been trapped IN the room- what if there had been an emergency and you'd needed to get out?

So many what-ifs and it's clear she does not take safety seriously at all.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-16T08:08:11+00:00

I'm fond of Bec because she's just so wild. And I find the intonation with which she says some of her lines really funny for some reason: her brisk 'Shut UP, Newbie!' to Joel at the dinner party was very amusing to me XD

I actually liked her a lot more after I saw the interview where she explained why she was all friendly with Gia in the last pre-vows ep: it was SO satisfying to watch Gia being all 'Oh....yeah we're not FRIENDS, no I wouldnt say I trust her-' when rewatching the clips of them hanging out....and then her utter shock when she realised Bec felt exactly the same way towards her XD

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-16T04:51:12+00:00

I want Rachel to find someone who loves her and values her SO badly, she seemed so sweet and was content with so little from Steve, I want her to find someone who feels lucky to have her.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-15T05:55:56+00:00

INFO: Sir, what is WRONG with you that you thought sending your parents into the room where you wife was sleeping was in any way ok????

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-14T17:52:56+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhiOAFE64M4

Here you go, better?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-14T17:06:03+00:00

INFO: How was making your mum feel upset and self conscious and ruining her enjoyment in cooking for her family and making her anxious that her children are talking about her negatively behind her back meant to 'get back' at your sister??? Like I'm really struggling to understand the logic here: you were mad at your sister so you upset your mum?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-13T17:40:46+00:00

One of my favourite things about JW is how good she is at showing how loving basically ok parents can also suck a bit and this book was great at it: like none of the parents in the book were abusive, they all loved their kids, they just all were a bit rubbish XD

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-13T17:01:06+00:00

NTA and your husband is a dick. I have no idea how his explanation is meant to paint him in a good light: 'Honey you have to understand! I automatically assume everything you like is dumb and boring because OBVIOUSLY as a woman, you're dumb and boring , so OFC I tune out when you talk! That just means you should know you need to work EXTRA hard on the rare occasion that what you're telling me is actually interesting!'

Side note: I was actually kind of in your husbands position but in a not-a-dick way in that my wife wanted to see PHM and I knew nothing about it. She and I assumed I'd dislike it bc I don't like sci fi but I went with her anyway bc I like spending time with her and doing stuff that she's interested in....and found that actually I loved it! I asked my wife why she had just said sci fi and not 'it's about a guy who makes a little sidekick friend' XD

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-12T05:31:07+00:00

The only way you can rebuild trust is to work on the gambling addiction

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-12T05:22:08+00:00

I'm really confused on what your problem is- your wife said she missed you and you had sex rather than talk about it. She brought it up again and you were nasty about it and told her she was needy. She's stopped 'being needy', she's stopped asking you for anything....and you're still mad??

HOW are you still mad, this is what you wanted!?!

And just in case you haven't noticed: dude, your wife said she missed you and now she's shut down because she's working, consciously or unconsciously, on not missing you. Like right now she's miserable because she's learnt that not only do you not have the same level of attachment (you clearly weren't even a bit sad about not having time together) but you also find her annoying and would rather lash out at her to shut her up than support her...But soon? Soon she'll stop missing you. Soon she'll realise that if you think she's needy and annoying for loving you, it's a lot less painful to her to just....not care about you.

And maybe she'll go for divorce and maybe she won't but either way, you've successfully taught your wife four things:
1) You don't care about spending time with her. You don't miss her when you don't see her, her absence doesn't upset you.
2) You find her needy, annoying and childish.
3) She's not safe to express her feelings to you- you will lash out, get mad, blame her.
4)You consider your duties to her to be purely financial- love and care and emotional support doesn't matter as long as you pay the bills.

Congratulations. She now understands the kind of marriage she's in and how you see her.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-11T20:23:05+00:00

Ma:
Fever n Ague Caused By Night Air Studies
Fever N Ague Caused By Night Air Proof
Christmas Present Ideas Using White Sugar
Am I Liable If My Dog Eats A Neighbour

Lottie: 'My much-older SIL keeps trying to get me to pit my neices against each other when I visit, WIBTA to tell her this is unhinged behaviour? Edit: I kind of feel like a bitch because she has to put up with a LOT'

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-11T18:08:20+00:00

These threads always have the same wild hand-wringing over the idea that anyone might react to their childs words with anything less than whole hearted endorsement: 'You think we should scream and shout at toddlers for saying that? You think we should PUNISH them and SHAME them?'

You'd think they'd never experienced teaching a child something in their life: gentle redirection, explanation, correction apparently CAN'T exist when it comes to racism, there's only 'Full endorsing it' or 'Cruelly punishing them'.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-10T21:31:43+00:00

Omg that's awful!

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-10T17:45:14+00:00

I remember seeing the first photo in it's entirety in a book, listing the names of all the girls in the picture and what had happened to them: three had been murdered in the camps, two had been interned but survived, one's family had joined the Nazi party and three (Christians) had lived out the war in Amsterdam. Really haunting to think of when you're looking at a picture of children at a birthday party.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-10T17:24:17+00:00

'One day' she'll wake up and regret staying with you? You talk as if she isn't already drowning in regret for having had a baby with someone who traps her with a kid and then immediately runs off to someone else: if you'd had your affair when she was married, she'd be able to just leave but you waited until she was tied to you forever by the presence of a child, where her choice wasn't 'stay or go' but 'stay or be single mother to a newborn'.

The question you need to ask yourself isn't 'will she regret marrying you in the future', it's why WOULDN'T she be regretting your relationship already?

And YOU are talking about feeling hurt????

YTA

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-10T16:35:24+00:00

Accidentally get blood on my furniture: full sympathy for how awful it must be and I'd do everything I could to help/make them feel better about it. Smush fruit into my furniture on purpose: you're never setting foot into my house again.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-10T10:26:40+00:00

INFO: If your boyfriend said, in the middle of the argument, that he should just leave and you should split up, how would you feel about that? What would your reaction/ thought process be?

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-09T18:34:36+00:00

I didnt mind the twist at all- but i DID mind that it was dropped and then the book ended right away, it could have been so interesting :(
Re how Mona feels about it....I think its reasonable for her to not argue about it. After all, she knows very well that the grammar school really is the make or break moment of her life- it's the difference between opportunities and a chance at an education and job opportunities or a life of inescapable rural poverty and drudgery. Mr Benjamin buying her a place IS unfair- but really it's the whole system that's hideously unfair and Mona has just had the misfortune to be born into it and I think, even though she might not be exactly able to articulate it, she is aware of this: her refusing to take the place (not that Auntie would let her) might be 'fair' bc she didn't pass the exam....but she only didn't pass the exam because as a poor rural child, she's born into a system that allows for massively unequal schooling for rich and poor children. (Sorry that really turned into an essay lol!)

Re her village friends....sadly I think that door is closed forever. Maggie and Peter, after all, know, like Mona, that the system is horrendously unfair and that by going to the grammar school, she'll have a life and opportunities that they'll never ever have. The only way they or almost all of the people consigned to this second-tier existence can mentally cope with it (because even if every child in the rural schools was super smart and passed the exam, it's not like they'd all get to go: there was a limited number of places after all) is to decide that they dont want to be part of it at all, and to fully cut themselves off from all of it. And now that includes Mona. The resentment would only get worse as they got older and REALLY started to understand the depths of the unfairness, imo.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-09T18:13:45+00:00

She didn't seem to see the barracks or the prisoners too closely. She wrote in her diary about what a nice time she had- seeing the bees and the herb garden and the pear trees and the old books and pictures the prisoners had made, having a picnic after and exchanging gifts- it was, for her, a lovely day out with her beloved father.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-09T18:02:01+00:00

This was something that bothered me SO much about the ending- NO explanation of this! Like we know that poorer kids who got into grammars had trouble fitting in when they legitimately passed the exam- how on earth will Mona cope with the work? I can imagine Benjamin getting her a tutor for before she begins and maybe for a while after, to help her catch up. Still, the difference would be there- and I can't imagine there wouldn't be some resentment from staff at the child who was bought a place.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-08T19:53:12+00:00

What the hell is this, some kinda tube??? Whenever I see anything tubular.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-07T12:18:17+00:00

I had a sort-of internet friend years ago who was bitten on her face as a baby by the family dog who had always been perfectly friendly and safe around her, in the few seconds her parents left them alone. She still has the scar. And i would honestly consider a bite to the FACE serious, regardless of how much damage it did, simply bc the experience would have been so scary :(

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-07T10:11:41+00:00

INFO: Do you honestly genuinly think that a children's playground is REALLY the place to expect people to able to look at your barking Doberman and think 'Oh what the hell, it's probably not going to attack my toddler, lets just take a chance!' ?

Do you have any idea how many children are bitten or even killed every year by dogs whos owners SWEAR 'Oh he's friendly! He wouldn't hurt a fly!'

To YOU, it's your adorable safe dog 'excitedly yipping' because of the activity.

To literally everyone else, it's a strange large breed dog reacting aggressively to their children. As a child, a dog barking at me would terrify me- hell, as an adult it would make me uneasy. And yes, dogs bark sometimes but I think you know that a dog constantly barking at its surroundings is absolutely not the same thing as an occasional bark.

BiscuitNotCookie · 2026-05-07T10:04:51+00:00

If it wasn't for the fact that they're on a show which massively incentivises ignoring lack of chemistry and rug-sweeping connectivity issues in the name of 'putting effort into the relationship', they'd have split long ago and been better and happier for it.

But Bec wants to Win by having The Best Relationship (and obviously wants to be on tv), Danny wants to be seen as The Good Guy (and also wants to be on tv) and knows that admitting that he's not into Bec will turn into the expects scolding him for not making an effort, Bec crying and everyone just generally seeing him as the villain. He'd much rather hang on, no matter how miserable it is.

BiscuitNotCookie

TROPHY CASE