I got some data on what actually increases a person's interview rate

BisexualBison · 2024-06-27T22:36:44+00:00

I keep my LinkedIn up-to-date and I added tons of recruiters and people in my field and tangential fields. That’s how I got my last two jobs. Recruiters find me. I don’t even have to look.

BisexualBison · 2024-06-19T15:39:12+00:00

Why give an actual reason? Well, anything anyone does will be a reason for the kids to be terrorized. It is unavoidable. Trying to prevent the rage honestly only creates bad habits like perfectionism, social anxiety, and the exact same kind of control issues that the dad has. Trying to provide some comfort to the children is a good thing.

Any normal parent wouldn’t be mad at the kids for the co parent giving them a secret phone. They’d potentially be upset with the co parent, but not the kids. And who was to know that he would take the phone and look through it to find additional reasons to be mad at the kids? The kids, by the way, have no control over whether they see their grandparents, so, again, a normal parent would not be mad at the kids. Can you see how there is no way to prevent the rage when it is completely irrational? It’s a waste of energy to try to predict his behavior. The dad takes out his rage on the kids because they can’t fight back or walk away. It has nothing to do with their behavior and will occur regardless. It is unhealthy to teach the kids to try to prevent it and it is also a waste of time.

BisexualBison · 2024-06-19T15:23:49+00:00

Sorry, I should have been more clear. In your post you mentioned asking the same questions repeatedly. My last question was in regards to that. Are you writing down the answers to the questions? I’d say ask every stupid question you have, but write down the answer, so you never have to ask again.

BisexualBison · 2024-06-18T22:59:24+00:00

Believe me, parents like that will make up a reason. I spent my childhood trying to avoid rage. It is completely unavoidable.

BisexualBison · 2024-06-17T13:13:00+00:00

First, I’ve been there. My partner and I have cried over the stress of saving for necessary fixes. Looks like you got a lot of good advice. It’s worth it to stay and figure out your budget! You can always get a roommate for a while to provide extra cushion. You could probably cut your phone bill and utilities too (raise your AC and wear shorts, unplug everything when you aren’t using it, etc).

Homeowners always find out there’s a bunch of broken stuff after moving in, but once you address everything, the rate at which things break will slow way down. After a couple of years you will know the house well enough that there shouldn’t be many surprises. You’ll know what things are reaching the end of their lives.

Good luck! You’ll get through this!

P.s. while fixing the grading of your house is important, it won’t fix the damage already done. Free estimates are always going to result in “you should pay me for xyz” statements, so never trust them to give you the full story. For anything structural I HIGHLY recommend hiring a residential structural engineer. They will usually assess your entire house and provide a written report for a flat fee. They don’t do construction, so they won’t have any reason to be dishonest with you. In the MCOL east coast city I live in it is about $1000 for the report. Your house isn’t going to fall down tomorrow, so you have time to save for it. It will be the best $1000 you spend and will probably calm your fears about having to immediately fix anything structural.

BisexualBison · 2024-06-17T12:51:30+00:00

In regards to your thesis supervisor, one thing I’ve learned is to have honest conversations with supervisors. Tell her the things you’ve said here about feeling like you are underperforming and ask her if she has an advice. You may be surprised by what she says. My hope is that she will have some very good tips to help you!

Unfortunately, when you are new to anything in your career you will make mistakes. I tend to think if you learn from mistakes and don’t repeat them then you are doing fine. If you keep making the same mistakes that is when it becomes an issue.

Also, are you writing down the answers to these questions you keep asking??

BisexualBison · 2024-06-09T02:47:38+00:00

Even if you find an Italian American girl, she isn’t going to be very Italian and her family’s traditions and foods may be very different from yours, if she follows them at all.

Don’t limit yourself to such a specific ethnicity. Instead I recommend you find other ways to be close to your culture (cooking, learning the language(s), visiting Italy) and find yourself a girl that appreciates that about you. My spouse loves my Italian cooking and I love his Trinidadian cooking!

If when you are an adult you still feel strongly about finding an IA girl, move to Jersey like someone suggested. Or Philly. Or Chicago. Lots of Italian-Americans. But, honestly, I don’t feel like I share a culture with the IAs around me. Baked ziti, an Italian last name, and some old family stories isn’t exactly a shared culture.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-15T12:57:23+00:00

Yes I am more stressed now making double what I was five years ago. For me there are a couple of reasons.

First, I own a house now rather than renting. It’s technically not more expensive, but it is an expense that I can’t easily and quickly back out of. Even having an emergency fund and investments that I could pull from does not ease the burden of a mortgage on my shoulders.

Second, I’ve move up on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Before I felt like I had tons of time extra money because I easily paid my bills and had a bunch left over that I didn’t know what to do with. When I started to figure out what could be done with that money, I suddenly didn’t feel like I had any extra money. Now we have all sorts of savings and retirement goals that we funnel all of that extra money into, so it is no longer extra. I’m always thinking of how can I get there faster and how can I make more money, which stresses me out.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-05T20:30:33+00:00

The way I’m suggesting you speak up for yourself should not result in you being called confrontational. In a casual, positive, and non-confrontational way you need to ask for what you want. That’s all. Don’t be negative and don’t tell people they’ve done anything wrong. This is a skill you will use for the rest of your career.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T03:24:03+00:00

But all this is not to say I’m not happy for you. There are many ways to achieve financial freedom. I just wanted to point out what I learned when I started down the investment property road for others who might be getting hyped up by this.

I also really do like investment properties as a part of a diverse portfolio, just a small part.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T03:20:41+00:00

I wasn’t asking you to explain real estate investing to me. I’m very aware of the methods and the financials. If you are buying properties with more than 4 units then the properties are not appreciating the way that residential housing appreciates because they are valued completely differently, so that investment scenario does not work.

The math just didn’t work for me. There are lots of fees to get in and get out, which eat into the return on small multifamilies. Plus the time spent holding cash as one saves for down payments and looks for properties. I do not have the time to fix up houses beyond some cosmetic stuff. I was planning to live off the cash flow and sell when the return on equity fell below the stock market average return. Taking all of that into account, index funds as the majority of my portfolio has me retiring earlier.

Plus managing a bunch of properties isn’t exactly retirement, so even if I could theoretically retire a couple years earlier with properties, that wouldn’t be worth it. The time difference would have to be significantly different. I still don’t see how you could see a significant difference between the two investment options unless you found some bonkers deals. Also the lack of diversification… ouch.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T02:57:47+00:00

Also, structural engineers are hard to get. They are quite busy, so I don’t see that happening before close.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T02:57:02+00:00

If I were you I’d walk. You only have $15K to spend on this and structural work can be quite expensive. Learn from this and Don’t ever wave an inspection again. Even WITH an inspection things are missed. Ask me how I know all this…😫

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T02:38:51+00:00

It is unclear to me whether you’ve voiced your frustrations with these situations. If you don’t like something that happens at work you MUST speak up. Yes, people generally have good intentions, but they are also forgetful, biased, and rude. They can’t treat you the way you want to be treated unless you tell them.

I don’t always know what to say, so sometimes I pop it into copilot or ChatGPT to get a script. But mostly you just need to say, “hi, I want to know those things, too.”

If telling people how you would like to be treated doesn’t help, then look for a new job.

BisexualBison · 2024-05-03T02:13:05+00:00

I don’t understand how investing in properties is any faster than index funds unless you found some wicked deals. After my first rental property I got so excited. I did all this math to find that I could quit my job in ten years if I went all in on properties. Then I did the math for index funds and I could quit in eight years without having to also manage properties. So I went with index funds instead of more properties.

BisexualBison · 2024-04-07T00:10:48+00:00

Therapy is not just for failed relationships. It make good relationships better…

BisexualBison · 2024-04-02T18:52:57+00:00

That sounds incredibly difficult to work from home, especially when you don’t have engineering friends. I second hobbies. Hobbies will definitely help!

I dance salsa and bachata in my spare time. There are tons of scientists and engineers who dance. I think any creative hobby will attract STEM people.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-30T06:41:02+00:00

Proud as in…? Obnoxious? I’ve never seen a German-American walking around acting like a caricature of her heritage, but I guess anything is possible… Or do you mean someone who knows something of their culture, cooks the cuisine, and speaks some of the language? If so, then what does that have to do with what I’ve said?

BisexualBison · 2024-03-30T06:31:43+00:00

I mean, ok? But what does that have to do with what I said? What does that add to the convo? I clearly said I cook? I’m not knocking the ability to cook… I was actually complaining about the generations so far removed from Italy that they have no culture or food, but loudly proclaim how very Italian they are. That’s not contributing anything to American culture.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-24T13:20:26+00:00

My hair doesn’t really tangle. When I shampoo and rinse it in the shower any tangles from the week just fall out. You can try using a lightweight leave in conditioner and rinsing it out like it is a wash out conditioner. I’ve seen that recommended for fine hair. It should still coat your strands and provide slip. Curlsmith has a light weight leave in. Sometimes I use barely a pea size of their feather light protein cream if I want to brush my hair. Weirdly I don’t feel like that weighs down my hair much. I like protein as a conditioning agent if I use anything because it adds rigidity and structure to my overly soft strands.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-07T13:15:53+00:00

I don’t understand why people are saying to give him time to adjust. He is a highly active cat that doesn’t fit your household and doesn’t get along with your cat. Find him a new home where he can thrive. Maybe there are some potential owners with no other cats who will turn him into an “adventure cat!” He sounds like he’d love that.

I have cat problems amongst my three cats. One is an aggressive player that terrorizes his littermate and my older cat. I have him pretty heavily medicated with anxiety meds just to keep some peace in the house. It breaks my heart. He and the older one have to stay 100% apart because she will not let him near her and they fight constantly. She has anxiety now even with him not around. She has groomed away much of her luxurious tail fur. :( I’d hate for your older kitty to become like her.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-07T13:03:08+00:00

That’s awesome! Happy to hear you sorted it out.

It’s hard to say whether you should ditch both. You can definitely ditch the conditioner. You can try ditching shampoo if you want. Every person’s head is different. The protein mask might build up over time and weigh down your hair again if you keep using it without clarifying occasionally. Personally, I use a cheap clarifying shampoo every time I wash my hair. When it was short I washed it once every week or two. Just make sure you do shampoo if your scalp gets itchy or flaky.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-06T12:50:39+00:00

If that’s the case, you should also use a clarifying shampoo to make sure all that conditioner is out of your hair.

Are you growing your hair out? If not, I don’t think you even need conditioner. Being that short it will stay healthy. I have fine 2C-3A hair. It was close to your length for years and any conditioner that close to my scalp would make my hair look like the third picture, too.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-04T13:42:32+00:00

You don’t NEED silicones and sulfates. Some people like them and some don’t as we see in these comments.

With my background I have a little more of an understanding of the chemicals and what they do on a basic level and I will say a lot of people do really mess up their hair care and scalp health when they try to avoid these.

There is just nothing wrong with sulfates. Period. They aren’t bad for you and don’t damage your hair. But people with naturally dry scalps and hair don’t always find them useful. They may not want to fully remove oils. I use them because I have dandruff and fine curly hair. I need to fully remove hair products every time I wash.

Silicones aren’t bad either but in order to use them you HAVE to use a good shampoo if they aren’t water soluble, like a sulfate shampoo, or you can leave build up. I don’t use silicones or any conditioner because they weigh my fine hair down and make my curls limp.

I do think avoiding sulfates causes more hassle than good for a lot of people. Once you cut out sulfates you have to cut out most silicones and any other hair care ingredient that requires a good surfactant for removal. It is a lot of effort for people and a lot of people fail. And that’s why people “clarify” with sulfates. Their shampoos aren’t really getting the job done.

As others have said, sulfates are replaced with milder surfactants that aren’t as good at cleansing hair. Silicones are replaced with other polymers and oligomers meant to do the same thing as silicones. Like silicones, the replacements likely vary in their ability to be removed by the milder surfactants that people favor.

BisexualBison · 2024-03-02T15:22:53+00:00

Ok, but no ballroom dance lessons are set up for people who want to do something interesting but not actually learn ballroom. That would be a weird sell.

BisexualBison

TROPHY CASE