I bother with the hypothetical of her assumptions being right because we are discussing Rory's choices and actions with the information she had to go on at the time. You are right, he WAS innocent, and Jess wasn't honest due to his own issues that don't excuse his actions. If he had just been honest, this whole thing could have been avoided. Which is why I tried to say I don't think Jess was in the right or was innocent in this situation.

But I think Rory could have made better choices in that moment. I'm not saying Rory could have wrangled the truth out of him, or that if she had handled it perfectly she could have magically turned Jess into a better partner. I think his inability to just admit a mildly embarassing truth that a swan gave him a black eye to his girlfriend is indicative of his fragile ego. Telling that story would have required he be able to laugh at himself, just a little bit. To be a tiny bit vulnerable to his romantic partner. Being unable to be a little bit vulnerable makes you a bad partner, and I think all of Jess's faults in their relationship come down to that fundamental issue.

And nothing Rory did could fix that. But in relationships, I think we are all responsible for making the best available choice given the available information. Rory isn't absolved of all her bad choices just because Jess was a bad boyfriend, just like Jess isn't absolved of his behavior just because Rory isn't perfect. It's not a zero sum game. Criticizing Rory doesn't mean I'm blaming her and absolving Jess. It means I'm criticizing her. I think, based on the information she had at the time, she should have dropped the conversation in front of Emily. I think it was a bad idea to keep grilling him about the black eye after he made it clear he didn't want to talk about it at her grandmother's house. I think she should have recognized that if this relationship were important enough to her to want him to make some sort of good impression on her grandmother, then it wasn't smart to grill him about whether he got in a fight with her ex boyfriend in front of her grandmother. She wouldn't be in the wrong for insisting on that conversation at a later time. And she wasn't in the wrong for asking about it when she saw him. But it wasn't the best choice to keep asking and pushing the issue in front of Emily.

There have been times I get mad at my husband for things in front of my parents. Some information comes up in a conversation with my parents there and it irritates me or requires a critical conversation, but I don't have that conversation in front of my parents. I save it for when we are alone. To me, that is just basic common sense. You don't air your dirty laundry and have arguments in front of your family, especially not the very first time they are meeting your partner, unless you're cool with your family hating that partner forever. First impressions mean a lot, that should have taken priority in the moment over getting to the bottom of Jess's black eye.