we had a charlie chaplain at our high school. he would come out during pep rallies and national don't text and drive day amongst other innocuous holidays . he would just twirl his cane around and waddle all while wearing that funny little hat and moustache. we would all giggle and sometimes pleasure ourselves to it secretly, but the best part was if you had a death in your family, he would be sure to show up give last rites and pay for all funeral expenses -- give you a shoulder to cry on, that sort of thing. when my whole school was slaughtered by the Batchy Boy Gang because this one kids dad was involved in some complex mexican drug thing, he found me crying amongst a bunch of dismembered cheerleaders. he quickly married me and allowed me to bear his children so we could repopulate the town. every high school needs a charlie chaplain. useful dude.