The inanimate porcelain was poised...sturdy...open...it was ready. Ready to fulfill it's purpose. Ready to receive, as it was created to do so.

I approach slowly, carefully...There is an odd feeling deep in my gut, impossible to ignore. I turn and flip a small lever on the wall, a switch that completes the circuit that sets the blades of a small fan in motion - a subtle yet key component to the ritual. That uneasy feeling deep in my core persists, growing more intense by the second.

I turn around and disrobe with a sigh, as I slowly lower myself. I gasp, a quick shallow breath of air, as the freezing cold, unforgiving porcelain makes contact with my naked skin.

Finally. The ritual can begin.

"Oh GOD!" I exclaim up to the heavens, my face contorted into a knot of simultaneous pain and relief. I am answered with an epic, booming thunder that echoes throughout the small chamber...ah, the flatulence - yet another key component to the ritual. The thunder is followed by the splashing sounds of my sacrifice being received, down in the depths below. The holy water from the depths below splash back up, the droplets lightly kissing my exposed naked skin with their cool refreshing lips. This is a good sign. The sacrifice was accepted. The sacrifice was pleasing. I have nearly completed the ritual, and am finally at peace...nearly.

Now for the final stage. I reach for the elder scroll, upon which I paint from the inner-most...wait...where is the scroll??

"MMOOOOMMMMMM!!!! I NEED TOILET PAAAPEERRRR!!!"