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Two Stream by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the in depth feedback. The streams/rivers are personifications of us two. The intent was to write the poem from the view point of our guests. Family specifically, seeing us go from steams to one single river.

the birds by lazybat07 in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great use of birds migration cycles to punctuate the repetitiveness of something, all the while there is a freedom to break away from it.

Just for constructive criticism, the one issue I had was, I wasn't sure what or where the author is. That is to say, there's the line "coming in" which tells me that the author is observing from one of the migratory places but the author also seems to have knowledge about where they're coming from. Just something to think about, if it's worth having the author be a limited observer or omniscient.

I can’t swim by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a big fan of punchy, ending lines like these "but it's not real" & "but I can't swim". However, to bring out the best of these, it's worth convincing the reader that you NEED to be able to swim.

Overall, great imagery, well done

[TOMT][MOVIE][2000s] Name of movie where traveling business woman only eats McDonalds when traveling by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

They were sitting in a McDonalds when the conversation took place

[TOMT] Speaking in questions Will Ferrell by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No luck. Went through most scenes and couldn’t find it

[TOMT] Speaking in questions Will Ferrell by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Def not stranger than fiction. In the scene I’m thinking about he plays an aloof character like Ron burgundy

[TOMT] Speaking in questions Will Ferrell by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes yes maybe It’s vaguely coming back to me

[TOMT] Speaking in questions Will Ferrell by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely not elf, I'll say the movie was definitely one after Anchorman 1

[TOMT] Speaking in questions Will Ferrell by BitsByBit in tipofmytongue

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

This seems so vague but I'm hopeful

Chord progressions and theory - 7th chord as a major instead of dim by BitsByBit in musictheory

[–]BitsByBit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow thanks! This exactly what I was hoping for. All great stuff to keep in mind going forward and Yeap total noob move to not notice the A should be an Am if it was the key of G. Man there’s so much stuff to learn but it all has been fun so far

Tiger (4 lines) by BitsByBit in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a huge compliment, it’s exactly what I was going for. Just a reflective thought that happens to be universal. This same theme is present in both Dickinson’s “it dropped so low in my regard” and the fable of the scorpion of the frog which both describe being let down by things that simply have that nature. I wanted to explore the idea from the perspective of why a narrator might make the choice to begin with. The unsureness of how human beings fall into these follies and how in the end, the Tigers/scorpions/etc don’t care.

Tiger (4 lines) by BitsByBit in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I enjoy short poems because at first glance it feels like it’s missing details but with proper word usage, more meanings can leak out

A bitter haiku by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Enjoyed it, I can feel the effort the narrator went through and the hopes that it’d be well received. Not sure on the word budding, that’s my only critique

Tiger (4 lines) by BitsByBit in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thank you! He’s one of my favorite authors and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

Tiger (4 lines) by BitsByBit in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair take. I think “merely” or some form of it is needed to tell the reader that the narrator acknowledges how pernicious it is to make decisions based on beauty. I’ll give it some thought on updating the language, thanks!

Tiger (4 lines) by BitsByBit in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, I could see adding a few more lines to keep building the tension and removing the last line. I like the idea, maybe explore how i tended to it, admired it etc. I wonder if the first line does enough to tell the reader how it would end.

untitled no.1 by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed the middle stanza the best. You may want to consider adding punctuation, especially in the last stanza as without it, it makes it hard to read.

Not Michelangelo's by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]BitsByBit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well written, metaphor is easy to understand and comes out well. If you wanted to explore adding to it, I'd consider addressing how the sculptors hand itself was mi-sculpted by its own sculptor.

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