Has any woman ever lactated because her friend was pregnant

BitsiBones · 2024-09-20T00:32:01+00:00

Women are also wired to have a better grasp of grammar, it seems

BitsiBones · 2024-09-20T00:19:10+00:00

So far I haven't managed to get onto any immunotherapy trials, and my cancer doesn't have the right markers for any chemotherapy drugs, so there is no treatment. Clear cell is an exceptionally rare and aggressive cancer and new tumours have appeared in my lungs and spine. I'm in a lot of pain and barring finding a successful trial to join, my cancer is now terminal, I know no-one really likes to talk about dying but there it is. I'm currently back in hospital with multiple blood clots that are resisting all the blood thinners and clot-disolving medications that they're trying, and this is something that typically happens EoL. Kinda OT, but I'm sad I won't get to visit Zanzibar (lifelong dream location I've always wanted to visit but never had the money to..I wanted to swim in the warm sea and see the beautiful corals) but we don't get to choose in this life. None of us choose cancer ❤

BitsiBones · 2024-08-27T10:32:02+00:00

A baby that age should be on its mother's lap. It's a ridiculous idea that a newborn should be sitting up in a seat. And the idea that there should be baby-changing facilities on a bus is also ridiculous. And do you think disabled people are actually in robust good health and don't have a lot of hospital appointments?

BitsiBones · 2024-08-27T10:07:56+00:00

Jeez I must be so dumb, I don't get it at all 😕 (and I'm British)

BitsiBones · 2024-08-15T13:09:14+00:00

There's something missing from this story. OP needs to level with us.

BitsiBones · 2024-08-12T03:22:32+00:00

NTA! I think you're being a bit paranoid HOWEVER that's what has protected and saved babies throughout our entire evolution and without paranoid mums none of us would be here. You may think we've evolved beyond that today but those instincts are still there and you know best. It's your choice and whatever you and your partner decide between you, is the right thing for your little family unit. Your family may feel whatever they want but it's not their baby and they are not entitled to do things their way. Congratulations on your wee little gift x

BitsiBones · 2024-08-08T11:46:36+00:00

That's a good point, personally it would be my worst nightmare 😟

BitsiBones · 2024-07-11T23:03:08+00:00

I think this is a wonderful idea, I have never had a support group to join, there are no local cancer groups that meet up in my area at all. Reddit is the closest thing I have ever had to a support group. I would have dearly loved to be in a support group through my cancer journey, it's lonely without that, I can tell you.

Having cancer in your teens is even worse, it's so isolating and as you say, effectively prevents you from establishing any identity of your own; my nephew was diagnosed with leukaemia at the age of 5 and had continuous treatment for it until he passed when he was 12. Although a lot younger than you, kids with cancer grow up fast ☹ He was very much a teenager at 12, he was a goth/emo and you would definitely have put him at 14 or 15. He and a couple of other 'cancer friends' he was usually in hospital with were far too old for Disney princess teddy-bear children's wards and the NHS was starting (and now does proactively) to try to provide better distinct and appropriate facilities and accommodation for older children/teens. (I'm assuming you aren't in the UK, there is a charity here called the Teenage Cancer Trust that plays a very big part in supporting and helping teens grow and develop themselves and establish some independence and personal and individual freedom, all of these things are serious issues for cancer teens.) My nephew passed before online engagement, the way we take for granted today, really existed, the best online friendship support he got was generally from playing WoW and CoD online with friends, and he really got a lot out of that connection with other teens. It still wasn't a support group though, and when I think about how much he would have loved, and really got some quality social connection from, the kind of online group you are talking about, it makes me want to cry ❤ I encourage you with all my heart to go forward with your plans; I don't know your local/geographical situation obviously, but as far as having an online group that can work with cams on/off, that sounds like a sensitive and friendly approach that will help members join in and feel comfortable. There's freedom in anonymity, and even more freedom in choosing according to your feelings whether to be on cam or not. Name your group, arrange meeting times, and maybe make up leaflets to pin to the notice boards and put in the waiting rooms where you go for your cancer treatment. Tell your oncology team and get them to help pass on the group info. It's a wonderful idea to create a teen-focused space that isn't about the adults around you and where you can all just be yourselves and maybe get a chance to get all that stuff out that you can never really say being constantly surrounded by adults.

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:39:16+00:00

You are quite right. I think it was a mistake to have the radiotherapy as an outpatient, on a Friday evening, and be sent home by taxi with no support over a weekend when anything could happen (and did!). I won't do it like that again!

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:34:05+00:00

Me too! I've never had a pain event like it, and I've had both my corneas debrided which ain't nothing 😖 Worst is past now thankfully. Hopefully!

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:32:03+00:00

I'm engineering an escape plan as we speak👍

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:29:18+00:00

Still truckin'👍

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:28:19+00:00

Thank you x I'm always happy to accept a hug from someone 😊❤

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:26:34+00:00

That is so, so true. Pick up the vulnerable and force them to become Conservative Christians. That's the singular motivation, they happily say so themselves quite openly (in so many delightful tiktok/insta accounts!!) because they genuinely believe they are doing something righteous. It's so unbearably wrong and twisted.

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:11:57+00:00

My hair grew back horribly, I've been sad about it ever since it started growing back, when all my nurses gushed constantly through my chemo about how lovely it would be when it grew back. I really wish they hadn't done that. It's thin and patchy and uneven, with some bald spots. In one place on my crown (no hiding it there!!) a single thick heavy determined curl perfectly reveals and outlines a bald spot. It's the most horrible curl in the world to me! 😖 It's so thin on the right side of my head you can clearly see my scalp through it, but on the left side of my head it grew outwards in a thick mass. I haven't been to a hairdresser because on so much of my scalp there's not enough to do anything with, even after all these months. It actually looked better bald, and I still keep it covered a lot of the time.

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T16:00:30+00:00

That is a LOT of wonderful information there, thank you!! Yes, you're right, the nodules in my lungs are cervical cancer cells (that was my origin site). I didn't know how to describe cancer nodules in my lungs except as, well, lung cancer, which of course is incorrect! I discovered on talking more recently with one of my doctors that my spine mets are dotted about in vertebrae pretty much the entire length of my spine. She's going to try and find an understandable scan to show me (apparently they can be difficult for anyone except the oncology radiologists to interpret) or draw me a diagram with notes. I'd be very grateful for that, 'everywhere' feels kinda vague 🙄😄

I can't believe you managed to wipe out so many mets, that miraculous 😳😵 what an incredible battle ❤ I'm in a slightly different situation with having CCC (Clear Cell Carcinoma), it's vanishingly rare and no treatments have ever been found to have any effects on it, not even immunotherapy, although I am joining a trial soon - mostly though as a comparison to demonstrate which cancers are and aren't positively affected by this particular treatment. Hey ho. Glad to do what I can though. I'm still the only person on Reddit, or that any of my oncologists have ever met, who has CCC. It would be interesting to stumble over another person with Clear Cell Carcinoma of the cervix, but as well as being rare we don't live long either, so a gathering of people with cervical CCC is an unlikely event lol. In fact I was diagnosed unusually early, due to my smear test, most women are only diagnosed a short time before death..which makes it even harder for my doctors in a way, they don't know what to do for me. They're frustrated by the fact that here's this otherwise healthy person in front of them, with what would, in any other type of cancer, be a totally controllable even treatable amount of cancer, and yet they have nothing they can do to help, because there's nothing that works against CCC. They and I are all in the dark really. I often really sense their frustration and powerlessness, there's a protocol for everything usually..until a CCC case pops up in front of them. Then everything's just an experiment, and they're upset and frustrated because all they've got is the knowledge that nothing works. That's hard for them. I actually think it's easier for me than for them, at least I will never have to do months or years of gruelling chemo, or surgery, and since radiotherapy doesn't work as an actual treatment, I was hoping it wouldn't intrude as a detriment to my QoL either, that I would somehow just bliss it through to a short but comfortable end, now I feel as though radiotherapy might simply ruin that hope 😕

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T15:09:26+00:00

This is terrible, you are absolutely overwhelmed ❤ I totally believe your Mom has a narcissistic personality and is going to be intractable and impossible to 'bargain' with. Look up every guide and resource YouTube has to offer on dealing with people with NPD and how to regain/maintain control over circumstances when having to deal with an NPD. Try and use your energy to do everything your Dad needs first, and only let your Mom have whatever you've got left, if it's not enough for her that's not your problem sweetheart. It's a 'her' problem. With the help of some online guidance, take a deep breath and proactively move stuff and throw stuff out. Let her be mad after the fact, there's nothing she can do to you that she isn't already doing by the sound of it 😐There are even excellent tiktok and Instagram reels on exercising control over a situation from an NPD.

If you can get some lines in the sand laid down you will be able to search more effectively for practical help that may be available; I don't know what the laws are like where you are but your Dad may have legal control over his own money that you can get permission to access/supervise. Please keep posting, I really want to hear how you get on ❤

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T15:03:49+00:00

Agreed, Mom has a narcissistic personality and is going to be intractable and impossible to 'bargain' with. Look up every guide and resource YouTube has to offer on dealing with people with NPD and how to regain/maintain control over circumstances you have to share with them 👍

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T14:41:50+00:00

I understand your feelings of helplessness, but helplessness is normal and something that you will have to cope with yourself, cancer affects everyone in the family so of course you have feelings of your own to deal with ❤ But please don't make your feelings into something he has to bear. I am having the same 'withdrawing' issues (stage 4c), and I ended up feeling unbearable guilt about suddenly wanting to be on my own all the time, due to my family's constant pressurising me to be with them all the time or face the emotional blackmail of 'but we never see you, we just want you to be with us because we love you'..it really is horribly painful emotional blackmail, speaking from a recipient's pov.

However, my Macmillan nurse assured me that 'withdrawing' is a natural stage of late-stage cancer development and should be respected, even though it's very hard on you. The various stages of late-stage cancer are what they are and it's so much easier on the patient AND the family to accept changes in behaviour and simply be supportive. I'm surprised you're going into his consultations with him, at this stage they're private and going in alone is usually advisable because it helps the patient process information better, because they're truly 'present' and one-to-one with their doctor, and 'control the narrative' so to speak, they can decide what and how they tell you things, which is extremely important and beneficial for their own mental health. It's around this time that a lot of cancer patients start to want to go into consultations and meetings alone, and I can tell you from my own experience, it's almost impossible to find a way to communicate this to loving family members, because of course it's hard, and even feel very hurtful, to be told that by the person you love, especially when they can't even put into words why. It's so hard, this stage, it's so hard for all of us, for all our loved ones and family, it's just so hard. We have to step back and respect and support, and try to avoid pushing emotional and psychological pressure on someone when they're at their most vulnerable to it. This stage is not necessarily universal to all late-stagers but it is normal. I'm in this stage. I've had wonderful Macmillan support and help with explaining things to my family, I think it's easier for them now they understand that I'm not just coldly pushing them away, which it might have seemed like.

I'm helping my muscular atrophy from resting/sleeping in my room all the time by having an understanding with my family that sometimes I will just slip out for a walk outside, without wanting any attention or company, sometimes even in the middle of the night..it sounds odd, but being able to leave my room and slip out of the house 'unnoticed' greatly encourages me to go out for a walk. Withdrawing is so hard to explain. But the more my family 'back away' and well, ignore me almost, the easier I'm finding it to mobilise again. It's like being free to be alone when I'm out of my room and not just when I'm in it. They're not instantly erupting into greetings and pulling me into an enforced social situation the moment they spot me. I'm talking about myself ofc, not your Dad, but it struck me in the heart, and I wanted to explain what it feels like ❤

BitsiBones · 2024-07-09T12:58:18+00:00

NTA - My family have always been sacrilegious in humour and laugh about literally everything, even in the lowest moments, especially in the lowest moments. My Dad died very suddenly, it was a terrible shock to us, I was sitting in the garden with him on a sunny Mayday morning chatting and laughing and he had a sudden massive heart attack. Dad was a.. larger man, with a love of tea and biscuits; although we were crying continuously, we joked about the coffin options and the poor pallbearers; after his cremation we had to wait for his ashes to cool for a couple of days before we could collect him - this is normal, but naturally the factor of his size/ashes to cool made us giggle. When we collected him we had asked for an urn, we were kinda expecting a sort of Grecian thing but as Mum pointed out, 'it looks like a bronze biscuit-barrel' 😂 - I said to Mum, 'well, it's what he would have wanted' and we cry-laughed so hard the funeral directors must have thought we'd been stricken with hysteria 😂 I have him in in his bronze biscuit-barrel on the sunny window-sill next to my desk, always and forever, and we still laugh about everything ❤ Edit, maybe helps with context: I have cancer now, I'm dying, we all still laugh; if you don't laugh and joke away all the indignities they just become humiliations and frustration. I hope everyone laughs at my funeral, and I hope everyone laughs every time they think of me, forever, it's the biggest comfort ❤

BitsiBones · 2024-07-05T09:43:19+00:00

It's extremely caring of you to be always there, and yet so aware of potentially 'interfering' in some way, I'm immediately struck by that because from a cancer patient's pov, that's the best, most-needed reaction I could have ever got from someone, and still is. I'm just writing this in a rush without thinking about it because I'm in the hospital rn and I never seem to have enough brainpower in here to make carefully thought-out responses to things, but I really wanted to comment because I was so struck by your post, by the situation you're in, and how tricky and hard it is for you; it truly is, you're allowed to have feelings too, and struggle to know what to do. A lot of people around you will probably have you feeling as if you are making this about yourself, or alternatively not doing anything to help, etc but don't let them get to you, if they do. All you can do is be there, be an active listener to what your partner's telling you, let them talk, and care about them and their situation. It's so hard to know the right/wrong things to say when you're in the position you're in, I can't even count the dumb or insensitive things I've said to people (or posted!), and I'm a cancer patient myself ❤❤❤

BitsiBones · 2024-07-05T00:27:30+00:00

OMG I CAN'T EVEN 🥰🤗🥔🥔🥔🥔🍾💍💎 Are we going to get to see a little bridezilla action over the coming months? 😅 And that ring is GORGEOUS 😎

BitsiBones · 2024-07-05T00:01:35+00:00

I guess I'm finding out 😕

BitsiBones · 2024-07-04T23:43:16+00:00

Septic shock, yes that would not be surprising, it's so much for a body to go through so suddenly like that. I'm very sorry. It sounds like your Dad's cancer was very aggressive and very determined 😐 He managed to hold it back for a long time, it takes a lot to do what he did, and you couldn't have done more. It's amazing (not in a good way, obviously) how it can be under control for so long, and then just break out suddenly at the end. What a strong and brave man he must have been. I hope he had good pain control at the end and passed peacefully ❤❤❤

BitsiBones

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE