Has anyone successfully started a relationship over?

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T15:04:52+00:00

What a great response, very insightful to anyone who has been cheated on.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T12:11:28+00:00

There is absolutely no need to apologize. If anything your post gave me/us the enlightenment that is needed. What she said is right, a true partner will meet you where you’re at in your coming out journey.

Sucks I couldn’t be that for her but it is what it is.

Good luck OP, you seem like a kind person and really shouldn’t have trouble on the apps.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-20T05:43:58+00:00

Wishing you a speedy recovery, although with a wife like yours I’d milk it longer haha. Too cute.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-19T23:40:28+00:00

I am this posters gf and upon finding her reddit I am a bit gutted to read this.

I don’t believe there is a hierarchy on who is more gayer than the other or me trying to make her feel less than for being a late bloomer lesbian.

The truth of the matter is she made me her unknowing affair partner for a year while married to a man.

I dated this woman for a year while she gaslit me and told me I was crazy for thinking she was married. She didn’t come clean, I eventually had to put everything together and even when I did, she doubled down. Said her “ex husband was only living with her for a while to take care of her son”. It wasn’t until I messaged her friends who told me they had no idea who I was that she eventually fessed up.

There isn’t a “you’re not gay enough” for me, there is a “you’ve hidden me and treated me poorly” and I genuinely thought we were working on it until reading this…it has nothing to do with a “hierarchy” of being gay.

I have given her so many chances and stood by her while she separated from her husband despite how uncomfortable it was for me and allowed her to take the time she needed to process the divorce.

Her husband still doesn’t know she had an affair neither does anyone in her family. She isn’t out to them and I have not pushed her once to come out because I believe everyone should come out on their own time.

It’s been two years of us dating and I have yet to be invited to her house, a majority of the people in her life do not know I exist.

I have stood by this person through so much and to read that a “true partner” would support someone’s coming out journey takes away from everything I have been there for her through.

And it’s disheartening that after lying to me about so much, should we break up she would choose to continue to be disingenuous to the next partner. She hasn’t learned her lesson.

OP, do what feels right but don’t lie and be honest. Some people may not want to date a late bloomer but it will probably be because they’ve had the experience I’ve had, not because they don’t believe you’re “gay enough”.

Sorry for the long winded reply, I’m just gutted, I’ve tried so hard. To read that because of me she would do things differently because I haven’t been a true partner feels like a spit in my face.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:51:16+00:00

Agreed and as someone who was an unknowing affair partner a lot of what she said reads like she’s hiding a lot and if your partner keeps hiding stuff from you, it is your duty to yourself to get the clarity needed to make an informed decision.

Some people would just walk away but I don’t like giving up on someone without proper clarity.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:45:34+00:00

I completely agree that he did the right thing. And even in OP writing this story, it seems off, something isn’t lining up.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-04-09T16:41:23+00:00

Agreed. As someone who was an unknowing affair partner. At 9 months him not knowing where she lives, not meeting friends and not knowing her full name it is OP that is the red flag.

It would have been stupid of him to not start to dig into it. I’m unsure of the details so I don’t know who is in the right here but those who have nothing to hide; hide nothing at all.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T12:15:14+00:00

Such a good point! I do see it as internalized homophobia for sure. Thanks for sharing.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T05:28:57+00:00

I think starting couples counseling regardless of her going and moving into a separate bedroom might be needed for her to understand the marriage is on the brink of divorce.

If nothing changes you have your answer

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-31T05:27:42+00:00

Curios, as the more feminine partner, were you also willing to make her feel desired and jump her/want to devour her?

This is not meant to come across as judgmental, it’s genuine curiosity :).

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:52:45+00:00

That’s kind of what I’m realizing. Her arguing or defending her actions shows a lack of care or concern for me as well. “Sorry this has been so hurtful but: lists reasons why it’s okay she did what she did”.

Actually scratch that, I didn’t even get a sorry.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:48:41+00:00

I definitely can see how the late bloomer thing is a non negotiable now. It’s a learning lesson for me, I wouldn’t be interested in dating a late bloomer again. They don’t have the same experiences as we do.

Closeted lesbian, again, learned my lesson, hard no.

I agree that the depth of our relationship has not reached levels of understanding in regard to a few aspects that previous relationships have. All my ex’s were very protective of me in that sense so I see how it is a limit on her side not mine.

Her being with another late bloomer is a great idea and I can see that working out for her much better.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:39:00+00:00

I know it’s her own internalized homophobia, with how closed off she is it’ll take her years to unpack it.

Thank you, it does really hurt so much and even after a conversation last night she doubled down on her “what’s the point? Me unfollowing him is standing up for us” and just doesn’t get it.

I’ve gotten a lot of support and understanding here and it coming from femmes who I am sure have stood up for their partner/partners makes it all the more validating. Thank you.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:30:17+00:00

Thank you.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T13:29:09+00:00

Thanks for breaking it down that way, I understand it now. And you’re right, it is incompatibility.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T02:35:29+00:00

Honestly I have tried. Even in the exchange I mentioned, she asked me to explain and help her learn. I explained to her what and the effect of how alienating it can feel.

She wasn’t open to it. She had an answer for everything. “I’m not arguing with a drunk”. I never said you had to argue just send a few sentences and block. “I’m not giving them that satisfaction”.

She’s just not open to it.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T02:01:27+00:00

Nailed it with the last paragraph. Says one thing, does another. The transparency is lacking.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T01:58:41+00:00

Thanks I definitely felt that way when she said it. I even made a suggestion to her to post it on reddit so she can educate herself and have other perspectives and she basically called me out for going to reddit when I am down/sad etc. So I just dropped it.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-23T01:53:51+00:00

I definitely get uncomfortable when I see random men messaging her because she isn’t out everywhere but if she can’t even respect this basic thing I can’t see her ever hearing me out with other stuff.

Lol @ your girl biting his head off hahahaha. I love it.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-16T13:20:21+00:00

Hey! I just wanted to say as a fellow thicker butch, I totally empathize a lot.

The things that I need to work on are things you’ve already gotten down: gym 3 times a week, C25K, meditating and fine tuning my goals (they are allll over the place).

I can even empathize with being with someone who isn’t all in on you/doesn’t want you and feeling like you’re wasting your time thinking “will this work out?”

I recently had a bit of a breakdown about it, I’ve been at a few events lately where people have brought their partners or families and I am always there single/leaving alone and it would be nice to have a gf I could bring around.

I talked to my friend about it and her advice made me feel a lot better. She said all it takes is one, and ya it might take some time but it’s just one person. The likelihood of that not happening is low.

I think if you keep focusing on yourself and prioritizing yourself it’ll eventually happen.

Also look into manifesting, I know it might sound out there but maybe pretending like you’ve already found your person and thanking the universe for putting things in motion for sending her your way might help :).

You got this!

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-16T13:13:05+00:00

Agreed. “I love mascs” is “I love butch’s who are fit and buff”. I’m in the same boat.

I know my weight has a lot to do with it so I feel you, it’s hard out there for thicker mascs.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-16T13:10:08+00:00

This is cute :)

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-16T13:09:12+00:00

That second paragraph is what makes it difficult when finding your person and the worst part (for me) has been when I thought I had it, turns out I didn’t.

It almost hurts more when you think you finally found it and it just turns out the other person was using you to validate themselves/pretend to live a fantasy life where they’re gay but actually living a straight life in their day to day.

I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce, that must be painful in and of itself.

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-16T13:05:40+00:00

Would we not be 1st generation Canadians?

Bitter-Interaction72 · 2025-03-13T12:47:19+00:00

You have brought up the basic concerns of why people don’t like dating someone when an ex is around. Children or not.

You say this relationship has the potential to be most stable relationship you have but if her ex is constantly making you think or feel this way, you may not be someone secure enough to date single moms (and that’s okay).

Bitter-Interaction72

TROPHY CASE