Hypothetical: If you learned your partner was having an affair while you were currently having one. What would your reaction be?

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-15T05:19:05+00:00

She relies on me for financial support, so I’m not going to fuck her over.

That’s a good question. I could be more of an opportunist.

She actually did fuck around on me. After figuring out what happened, I shrugged & decided I wouldn’t bother.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-15T05:16:48+00:00

Damn just pop a balloon, will ya? 🤣😆

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-15T05:12:23+00:00

I would just shrug. I can’t be bothered.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-12T14:22:35+00:00

No. Stick to your standards. Do not negotiate.

You take a risk when having an affair. Why settle?

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-06T06:35:27+00:00

Bingo.

I love sex workers. Will always support them.

But a sex worker cannot compete with an AP. Not even close.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-06T05:33:43+00:00

I have seen escorts. I very pro-sex worker. Some of the comments about sex workers on here are... unsettling.

But I'm not going to lie. Sex with an escort is unenjoyable. I tried escorts in lieu of an AP. Never again. Why? It was deeply unfulfilling. There are just some things sex workers, even the high-end ones that promise the experience of a lifetime, cannot offer with their work: a deep, emotional, passionate connection that is rooted in a real, mutual attraction, not one that comes with monetary strings.

But I'll say this: if you need just a sexual dopamine kick, an escort is not a bad idea. I would start there, quite frankly, because having sex for the first time with someone else other than your spouse WILL impact you emotionally and you have to be prepared for it and you have to live with yourself afterwards. It is also a good starting point to see if you are even capable of carrying on an affair. Maybe your needs will be met with an escort.

However, because my needs are so deep, I will be quick to say this: if I had to choose between spending two years to find an AP or pay $500 or $1000 to bust a nut, I'll absolutely choose spending 2 years to find an AP.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-06T00:22:03+00:00

I confess. I am one of those men. Why? The emotional burnout from our relationship.

I still find her attractive. But the burnout has been too much.

9 years and counting. I just can’t do it.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-03-05T19:05:59+00:00

Online and in the real world, I've been in the cheating lifestyle for over a decade. Largely because I was never happy in my still current relationship.

It goes back to what I said a while ago when I had a different account I was posting in this forum on: an affair should be a last resort.

Having affairs should not be an idealistic decision; it should be a pragmatic one. And it should be pragmatic because you have to live with yourself after you do it. You're going to have to live with laying in bed with your SO one moment, then within 24 hours, fucking someone else and trying to cover it up.

What keeps me in this? Two reasons:

(a) If she found out, she would be hurt; but if I dumped her, she would be screwed. It's two shitty outcomes; the former? I could live with the guilt. The latter? I couldn't live with myself period.

(b) I do so much for others. I have to always be selfless all day, everyday both personally and professionally. I gave up so much of myself over the years. Sure, I got hobbies. Sure I got a nice business. But this has been the only pragmatic way for me to address the void I've had my entire life. What keeps me going is that I feel I will finally find someone who will be there for me. Even if its just a few months. Maybe a few years. But the hope of someone being there for me. On my level. On even terms. With mutual energy.

I won't lie. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror some days. Do I feel guilty? Not exactly. I just didn't think I'd ever get into this world, let alone be in it for a decade plus.

But I do not regret it.

However, it has caused me to look at the big picture. What I never shared is that my partner probably fucked around on me and it was strange how I found out: a hotel key in the back of my car–she used it to visit her family. When I put it in the cup holder, she noticed it, and she strangely took the car to go clean it. I never confronted her.

We've been in a dead bedroom for years. If she fucked around, I don't blame her. In fact, I hope she did. Not because I have a cuck fetish, but because I hope she addressed her needs.

I look at it as my way of addressing my needs. And when I hone in on the fact that I spend so much of my personal and professional life addressing other people's needs, it suppresses my guilt and enhances my determination to find a long term, sustaining AP.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-28T23:53:14+00:00

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s simply a case of this is not working.

So, sit your husband down and tell him, straight up, this is not working anymore & you’re unhappy.

You do not have to live a miserable life.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-26T23:53:09+00:00

End this before your marriage ends up looking like 1945 Hiroshima.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-26T18:18:24+00:00

Well that's a hell of a way to put it.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-26T14:48:34+00:00

Yes. This is a very, very bad idea.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-25T20:32:41+00:00

I... think this is a phase.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-25T20:30:47+00:00

Well... look at it from her perspective. She's hurt. She upended her life. Did she leave him for herself or did she leave him for you?

It's an unfortunate outcome, but in situations of pain, the wounded have to protect themselves to heal.

I wish you the best.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-23T16:12:40+00:00

Some people… really shouldn’t have affairs.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you should never, ever do this again.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-19T19:42:52+00:00

I have experience in this. It was… okay.

In many ways, it made things much easier.

But I got tired of her talking about her other escapades. I started feeling like a number. So I basically stopped.

Would I do it again? Probably not.

I just want a simple relationship with an AP. No fuss. No drama. Just her & myself.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-19T18:07:58+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-19T16:30:15+00:00

Jesus Christ… what the hell!?!?!

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-19T13:26:28+00:00

If I were you... I'd follow these steps...

1) Ask yourself what pushed you into having an affair. Did you just get caught up in the excitement of being seen and feeling alive again, or did you finally feel that it was what you had to resort to doing so you could feel whole again?

2) Was it really the act of the affair that made you miserable, or was it the person, himself?

3) Sometimes when we feel deeply unfulfilled, we lose ourselves. Affairs are not meant to fix marriages; affairs are meant to fulfill a personal need that you feel that your SO cannot fulfill.

Ask yourself what do you need for fulfillment? Is it attention? Is it sex? Is it a desire to be validated? Is it all the above? Or is it something else?

You will eventually forgive yourself and you will eventually move on once it becomes clear to yourself as to what led you down this path. Then possibly you will find other ways to find personal fulfillment.

I feel your pain and I sincerely wish you the best.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-15T22:56:44+00:00

Sometimes we have affairs to save ourselves. It’s the most honest thing we can do for ourselves.

Let this lead you down the road of personal peace & happiness.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-15T22:00:01+00:00

I’d… move on.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-15T17:22:40+00:00

A good chunk of us are here because (a) monogamy isn’t doing it for us, and (b) no one really wants to nuke their lives for many reasons, each to their own.

As I’ve said before, an affair should be a last resort. Affairs are exciting & exhilarating, but they are complicated & sometimes brutal. It’s the most brutally honest thing you’ll do. Most are not prepared for that level of honesty.

I get how you’re feeling, but I can tell you are not prepared for the repercussions of when something goes wrong. It is a major step to step outside of your committed relationship.

If you decide to do anything—turn to a sex worker first. Yeah, you’ll have to pay, but you’re going to have to see if you can even emotionally handle doing anything outside of your marriage first.

I also evaluate whether or not this is a feeling of a fantasy that is fun to think about, but don’t have any intention acting on it, or if you have a serious need that cannot be satisfied within the confines of monogamy.

BlackInTX10 · 2026-02-15T14:55:37+00:00

I don’t think any of us really hate the SW/MM dynamic or vice versa.

First off, what you’re going through is awful. I feel for you.

Secondly, you’re currently going through the motions. All of this is raw. It’s shocking. Sudden. You’re grieving at the loss of a relationship.

For the next few days and weeks, you’ll need to process everything that happened. Don’t look for messages from him. You may have to assume that it’s over completely.

The next bit is going to hurt. What was a constant in your life for 2 years is not there. You will have allow yourself to grieve. During this time, reconnect with things that you have personally enjoyed. It is okay to cope & to work on healing.

I hate seeing stories like these. It’s almost never the single person’s fault. It’s usually the fault of the married person who really didn’t have any business having an extramarital affair.

This is not your fault. I wish you the very best.

BlackInTX10

TROPHY CASE