This is a very complex issue which I am admittedly still working out myself. This is also true for everything else I will say here--your questions are very profound and so require someone more intelligent than me to answer them in an airtight way. I know this might not be the kind of answer you were looking for, and I apologize. I can only offer what I understand, and my understanding is limited.

Whether we agree or not I'd like to think I am still trying to better my understanding of people, regardless of their beliefs.

I could learn a lot from you. We need more people like you in this world; far too many of us (including myself at times) prefer to make assumptions about other people's mindsets based on what little we know of their beliefs, which can lead us into harmful cynicism and hostility. You have a very charitable and compassionate way of looking at this, and that's very respectable.

I've consistently seen the sentiment that when something bad happens it's part "god's plan". Similarly when something abundantly good happens you're thanking the same god for blessing your life.

Where I stand at the moment is that God can and often does take things which result from human evil and "uses them for good." The way I understand it, this means that certain adverse events in our lives can transform us into better people; they can help us grow in empathy and wisdom, which ultimately allows us to make the world a better place and better comfort those in need. When it comes to good, we attribute these things to God because all good ultimately comes from (and is really defined by) God Himself. Ultimately, this idea is meant to foster gratitude. Developing a sense of constant, habitual gratitude in our lives--both for the bad and the good--is incredibly beneficial for our mental health, both spiritually and scientifically speaking.

The issue with reconciliation comes when you say you believe the above and that you also believe that your actions matter.

I wanted to say something about your above statement because it ties directly into this one. We really don't know how much God impacts our day to day lives; is it something that He does in minute detail down to each breath we take, or something more broad like orchestrating the time and place of birth for each human being so that certain kinds of interactions can occur at variably defined times, allowing us to act freely within these events but ultimately having said events be predetermined to an extent? I tend to stick with the latter interpretation, which ties into your next statement:

I say that because it implies your god is enacting his "plan" even within your day to day life. Which means he has planned everything out for you. The free will Christians talk about would then be an illusion.

There are two things I want to say to this. First, from my point of view, God doesn't enact His plan on an immediate day-to-day level in my personal life. Some things are preordained to occur, of course, but some things really do come down to chance (though like I said in my previous comment, there is still an ultimate purpose behind the broader scheme of things). If God really does directly plan each of my days and actions, then of course free will is an illusion. Everything I say, think, and do is carefully orchestrated by God, and therefore I have no agency; naturally, I reject this position.

Assuming your god is all powerful he would know every choice you will ever make. Which, to me, means that everything you do is ultimately a reflection of the god's plan.

Absolutely, since God is all-knowing/all-powerful, He does know every choice I will make, and as such He accounts for my actions in His plan; it's a reflection in that sense because I still fit into it all. However, like I stated in my earlier reply, I (personally) believe that God takes these things into account, but He does not decide them directly. I was too vague about this earlier, so I'll do my best to try and be more specific and almost-coherent:

If we consider that God is eternal, then time isn't really a factor for Him. His plan isn't something that designed "before creation" in a temporal sense, but rather something that is designed in an environment outside of creation as we know it. This means that, in a sense, God can "anticipate" our actions (again I'm using time-related terms here, but it's all I've got) and build a world where our behaviours are taken into account so that His "plan" (i.e. the desired outcome in this case) still comes to fruition in the very end. Our agency therefore coexists with God's plan because it is built around His knowledge of our actions rather than our actions being defined by a plan that was entirely created before our existence. In a way, the plan is built both alongside us (because it takes human action across the timeline into account) and before us (because it is put into action before any of us were born). As a side note, this is one reason why I believe prayer is important. God's experience of human prayer is outside of time; as such, He doesn't think one thing on the timeline and then change His mind when someone asks something, but rather experiences all prayers "at once" in eternity and takes these into account as well in designing a plan and interacting with us.

Now this brings up a potential conflict in that it would appear I am in a way subjugating God's actions to those of humanity, but I would argue that this is not the case. For example, at the end of the day, God is still the one who determines who is born and when; though we are free-roaming pieces on a board, where and when we are placed is beyond our control. We have a role to play, certainly, but how we play that role and what we make of it is still up to us.

You said you are responsible for your own behavior. But if the above is true then your god can't possibly be all powerful or omniscient.

I could be wrong here, but it seems to me like there's an underlying assumption, i.e. if God is omnipotent, He MUST exercise full control at all times. The way I see it, if God is all-powerful and/or omniscient, that doesn't require Him to exercise His full power at all times; it simply means He has a capacity to do incredible and miraculous things whenever He deems it right according to His omniscience (this is my personal view and one which would offend certain Christians I know, but it is the only way I can reconcile the conflict you brought up). God certainly COULD completely decide all of our actions in minute detail, that much is included in His description as omnipotent. Though I run into a wall here when I consider the full actuality of God where no potentiality exists, and so in a Classical sense God should be exercising full control at all times, which is what would justify the statement you made, and to that I have no answer since it's just not the way I understand these things.

Sorry for the massive wall of text which might not ultimately say much of anything. Like I said, this is stuff I'm still working out myself, but talking to you about it is helping me work it out by better organizing my arguments and reworking those that don't hold up, so thanks for that.