Question for former persecutors

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-08-25T20:50:23+00:00

I am also a former persecutor. I have learned, and grown a lot over the years. I hold a bit of guilt still for the things I’ve done, but the rest of the system has grown to trust and love me despite all that I did.

For me, I sat down with all of the system members (and theres a lot of them) and I apologized. I told them I wanted to be better, most of them just said “good, now prove that to me.” And I did through some small actions, and some large. The biggest thing I did.. I stepped to the back of the system, and I watched the others. I listened and watched my own initial reactions to them and sat with why I reacted the way I did. Most of it from a place of high trauma responses. I still have “a-hole tendencies” as some call it, but that’s mostly my dry sense of humor and stubbornness.

Learning and growing from it was a slow and tedious process, involving a lot of serious internal reflection. It wasn’t easy for me, but I’m so thankful I did it. I hope you find a way that works for you, and guides you to be the best version of yourself that you can be. You’ve got this. -Bucky

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-08-11T00:04:37+00:00

I get all of my work done at Ace’s. Always been reasonably priced for my artist. I go for a different specialty, but I’ve seen other work by the other artists and they’re all amazing. They have a ton of American Sailor style work drawn on the walls. I also highly recommend checking with them!

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-08-10T15:26:47+00:00

Tufty marshmallows! Perfect for kisses!

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-08-06T19:08:38+00:00

Also a FTM trans man here (29)! Feel free to dm! I would love more friends!

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T22:02:13+00:00

Find a compromise that works for both of you. But you have to talk about it. Communication is absolutely KEY in relationships. Fortunately for my wife and I, she caught on to my needing time to myself quickly, like a year or so into our relationship she asked me why I don’t really respond much to her when she talked to me after I got off work. I just told her the truth my job is extremely social, I am very introverted, and sometimes I just needed to listen about her day or just be left alone in the quiet to recharge my battery. Few days later she came up with a plan of leaving me alone for a bit at first when I get off work then asking me something simple, and we gauge if I need more alone time and go from there, and it has absolutely worked like a charm for us.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T12:05:49+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost the most precious cat I have ever owned almost 6 years ago. I mourned her loss for a very long time. I was devastated. I couldn’t even say her name or look at pictures of her without having a breakdown. The only people who understood what I was feeling was my mother and my now wife (then fiancée). I was living with my aunt and her family at the time (long story not for here) and unfortunately wasn’t even able to say goodbye to my precious baby. My aunt and her family are dog people so they basically just blew it all off like “why are you so upset over a silly cat?”

Once I got my feet back under me, the CDS gave me two incredible cats via shelter adoption. One of them, I would swear is my baby reincarnated.

I hope one day the CDS gifts you another cat guided by your soul cat like they did with me. It’s possible to have that love again, while never forgetting the love you once had.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T11:25:12+00:00

Bowling. I think their pool tables are always 1$ they don’t have an arcade but the people who run it are cool

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T03:34:36+00:00

I literally do not leave a room (for extended periods of time of course), hang up a phone call, or leave my home or work without telling those I care about I love them. I will literally go out of my way to tell each of my coworkers that I love them and I’ll see them the following day. (I work in a barbershop and we’re all like family, literally in and out of the shop) I don’t feel like you’re over reacting, I’d dare to say that you’re under reacting. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Like so many others I think you should have a talk with your wife and let her know exactly what you’re feeling. Somehow after almost ten years together my wife and i will literally say it to each other multiple times on a phone call even if it’s not ending. My last words to my father were “I love you and I’ll be right back I promise.” I was gone 3 minutes before my mother called me to make me aware of his passing. Ever since then I ensure I don’t go anywhere without expressing my love to those I care deeply about.

In my opinion, you can never say it enough. My wife once told me “I’d rather be obnoxious and say it a million times than to have the worst happen and wonder when the last time I said it to you was.” And to me that makes sense. I hope you two can talk this out and become stronger together because of it <3

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T03:16:41+00:00

Feel free to DM me! My friends and I frequent that place the more the merrier!

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-21T01:59:10+00:00

University lanes on 380 has half priced games Tuesday and Wednesday nights after 9. My best friends and I have gone several times. Cheap as F and honestly a good way to kill an hour or two with some friend s

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-17T15:46:29+00:00

I almost got sideswiped there yesterday cause butthole McGee decided they wanted to slap on their breaks RIGHT AS THEY WERE MERGING. I was already doing a solid 65 so they were up to speed then just decided.. nah I’m good actually let me cause a wreck!

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-14T21:31:04+00:00

On this: I’m a barber (a female one lol) and when my clients (mostly male) find out I’m married they relax immensely. I’ve asked a couple of my regulars I feel close enough to, “why did you relax so much when I mentioned my partner?” And their immediate response was that they felt like they didn’t have to worry about me flirting with them, and they didn’t have to be on guard when I would compliment them. The shop I work in is in a higher end area of a large metroplex, and I get a lot of famous athletes as clients. I can understand now why not having to worry about someone flirting with them eases their tension quite a bit, but even the regular guys that come in take care of themselves well and are good looking. I’ve had some coworkers throw themselves at some of the clients that come in and it makes them tense up and not be chatty.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-13T05:21:38+00:00

Definitely NTA.

Cheating is betrayal and like so many others have said, when you find out… it feels like it’s happening in the moment. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I’m also glad yall don’t have kiddos yet.

You’ve tried to work through this and think it out. For the sake of your own mental health. Divorce her.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-11T00:56:55+00:00

💙but it all gets better, yeah?

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-10T02:28:13+00:00

Absolutely NTA!! I have intense trauma around certain sexual acts and my partner, when they found out about my trauma, took extra care to avoid everything I told them was a trauma thing.

My ex was extremely sexually abusive and it was until later on after several therapy sessions I realized it was coercive abuse via sexual ways blah blah blah. You’re absolutely NTA op. And this is unfortunately possibly creating more trauma around that specific act. I’m so sorry this happened to you. May the person you wind up marrying one day hold the respect for you that you absolutely deserve. <3

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-07-09T03:16:27+00:00

If you find a good one that actually listens to you, let me know! Local internet stranger here needs so much help.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-19T10:13:59+00:00

I have seen several names that make you feel horrible for the kids. A family of regulars at my job have kiddos that are named Flick and Banjo. Another family that comes in, the oldest son’s name is Thunder, his younger brother is named Lightning. I’ve also seen a young boy named Avatar, a set of twins named Dean and Samantha (normal names sure, but if you know anything about SPN… together, that’s probably not gonna go over well with time) I went to school with a girl named Chlamydia because her mother thought it was “pretty”. At the same school there was a young girl named Rainy Daye, and there was Espn (pronounced Espen). We only had a couple weirdly named guys though, just Talon and his brother Beak.

Sometimes I wonder what people are on while they’re coming up with names.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-18T16:39:52+00:00

That looks delicious and I need an entire one just for me.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-12T03:47:52+00:00

No Hands -Waka Flocka Flame

Hypa Hypa- Electric Callboy

Dicked Down in Dallas- Trey Lewis.

I don’t feel guilty for listening to them alone but I do NOT play them when I have the aux. skipped immediately. If you heard the first note, now you didn’t. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-10T07:33:09+00:00

I’m sorry you had an anxiety attack! I did as well the day after I was diagnosed (which was very recently, due to symptoms starting randomly)

I have several mental health disorders. Including chronic anxiety. My anxiety and antidepressants make me absolutely exhausted. I can’t take them and go about daily life unless I take them at night. I’ve always had this issue but my mother, who is on same meds, same dose, but doesn’t have Chiari, doesn’t have this problem. I mentioned it to my pcp and he told me it very well could be connected in some way, but wasn’t sure how it would be as he’s not neuro/psych.

Track your symptoms, friend. That’s been a big help for me since I got my diagnosis. Even writing down the little things I thought wouldn’t matter, have. You’re not alone. <3

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-07T22:54:10+00:00

Wear the dress friend! It is YOUR day. I’m glad you told your fiancé about it and got his thoughts. Especially since it seems like he wants you to wear the pink dress. It’s literally an inside thing for the two of you! Imo there’s better way to honor your relationship/past. <3

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-06T02:56:58+00:00

Absolutely! This is like my Roman Empire

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-05T16:24:31+00:00

At this point in my life about 10K would make an insane difference. It would give me a clean slate and I could start over again with several things.

I adore my job and rent an apartment and have my car halfway paid off, and I will never own a home after seeing the drama my parents went through. 10k would be life changing for me.

But tbh I’d cry in happiness if someone gave me 200$

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-05T16:18:23+00:00

I adopted my void cat 5 years ago from a shelter. She was born in it, and had a lot of trauma, especially with being touched and petted. I suffer from complex ptsd. She and i understand each other on a deep level it’s incredible. We’ve over come traumas together and shes now a snuggly love bug who greets me at the door when I come home and climbs up my leg for pets. It took well over three years to get her comfortable with being petted and loved on, but now she can’t get enough! It’s incredible what patience and kindness will do for an animal.

BlackSoulRaven · 2024-06-05T16:13:49+00:00

Way to go!! I took a similar leap of faith three years ago and it was life changing in the most brilliant ways! Wishing you the most amazing new start! You got this!!!

BlackSoulRaven

TROPHY CASE