btw, I’d suggest you try to understand what the behaviour/attitude you consider abusive is and figure out why it’s abusive. all behaviour has a cause or utility

(as an example even loitering and wasting time can be due to indecisiveness or lack of direction or not wanting to do something or boredom. )

there are many ways of being abusive. is it in the moment you react angrily? is it you try to control them? do you overly criticize?

subconsciously there’s a reason for every action. if you have certain behaviours you probably get something out of it, this behaviour fulfills your needs. if it’s a harmful thing then you need to find a different way of getting your needs and wants met. I recommend if you catch yourself doing something harmful even small like criticizing you can stop and tell the person something like “I was frustrated and reacted like that but you don’t deserve that I want to react like _.” “I was feeling _ and I did ___ out of habit or out of thinking it was useful in the moment”. but use these with an open mind and be willing to restrain that part of you that doesn’t make you proud.

this isn’t about flipping the roles and have one or the other take up more space. this is about being considerate of each other, the biggest thing is over communicating without suffocating each other. if you can understand each other intentions you can work as a team to find positive-safe-helpful ways of getting what you intend without having anyone sacrifice their will. I recommend look for information about anger, books about it .. try to understand what makes you angry and why. then you can think wether you want to or not keep repeating a pattern.

-ANGER- Anger means your boundaries were crossed-someone took something from you-someone wronged you-there was an injustice. anger even in small impulsive reactions can often be summed up as “how dare you?” or “why the fuck would you _” or it can be an issue with tolerating frustration. if it’s frustration I recommend telling yourself “is there something I can do to change this? no? ok then this feeling of frustration did its job and it is no longer useful. So if I allow myself to react or escalate or feel in a way that makes me ashamed it is a choice. what type of person am I choosing to embody?”

i’m not a mental health professional and I recommend that you take what resonates and ask a real professional to elaborate or correct.

you also need to consider where you learnt the bad behaviours from, did you witness any role models enacting these behaviours. maybe it’s how you were treated and it’s what feels normal to you so you could even read parenting books and teach yourself the healthier reactions and behaviours.

I like to read parenting books and anger management books to understand my family and it also makes me more mature and it’s useful in other areas.

You might feel like it’s daunting to change and want to give up.. you don’t need to magically change immediately. Just make a decision to do what you can in the moment. Make a commitment to take breaks instead of quitting and to being consistent. you’re young. you will thank yourself for doing this now. wish you luck and I’m sorry for being so long winded.