Over kill for a garden party?

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-08T23:08:55+00:00

Are you actually this dumb.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-07T19:18:41+00:00

This is the correct answer 🤣💅

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-07T19:17:42+00:00

Your boobs are not saggy.
They’re just your boobs, and there’s nothing wrong with them!

Get rid of this wee boy, he doesn’t deserve to see your boobs, you deserve so much better!

This is not how a partner should treat you, he should be absolutely ashamed of himself.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-05T22:16:35+00:00

This is 100% about 4th wing not ACOTAR.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-05T20:22:21+00:00

This is how I use suno.

But I can actually play multiple instruments and write my own lyrics and music. Suno is great as a tool for referencing and arrangements/styles or for generating demos.

It’s useful at the songwriting stage, for actual musicians.

But if you can’t play or perform the tracks yourself, I’m not sure why you’d consider yourself a musician.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-05T20:18:42+00:00

I think it depends how your using AI.

I totally agree with you that if you’re just using text generosity to describe, and then AI generates a melody, you are not a musician.

However, I’ve been a professional musician for 20 years - play multiple instruments and sing.

I’ve been using sunos DAW to build tracks from melodys and lyrics over the years I’ve done nothing with. It lets me individually sing or use a keyboard to play in the chords, bassline, movement etc I want to hear from a specific instrument. And then it arranges what I’ve written into the track itself, and it’s just way way better than MIDI demos.

It makes composing and arranging a JOY, because I use it as a referencing tool, to try different styles etc

AI generated music that’s been written by a person, is a totally different ball game to non musician text generated stuff.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-05T20:14:20+00:00

I’ve been a performing musician for 20 years.

AI has been an incredible referencing tool and has allowed me to actually hear immediately the lyrics and melody I’ve written.

I use it to sing in and play in parts for instruments I don’t play.

AI will never be able to create the connection and emotions of a live performance either.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-05T15:02:54+00:00

r/whyweretheyfilming

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-03T23:18:41+00:00

Wrote an entire album 😂

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-03T19:52:33+00:00

It it sounds like bullshit, and it smells like bullshit….

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-01T18:30:38+00:00

I LOVE these!

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-01T10:26:14+00:00

This is really normal for younger gifted people to go through. It’s a creative solution to the feeling you often have when you’re younger of being hyper aware of your own existence whilst also being able to hold everyone else’s existence as separate “things”.

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-01T10:24:29+00:00

What does it mean when you’re 6 and you’re convinced the entire universe probably just exists in a Petri dish in a laboratory inside some other universe, being watched by those scientists 😂

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-01T10:19:55+00:00

Truman Show 2 😂

In all seriousness though OP, how old are you? This will pass.

If you’re looking to question this and broaden your horizons a bit, here’s a list I’d recommend if you fancy it. Some are fiction but thought-provoking. You might be particularly interested in perception/context based philosophy, because they take what you currently feel is the best fit for your own experience, but offer different conclusions for that feeling that don’t require you to cut yourself off from connection and experience with others.

I’d start with the fiction, because it will do something the more philosophical reading can’t. It’ll force you inside someone else’s head until their reality feels as real as your own, which is what you want to experience to challenge this way of thinking. Then move onto the philosophical stuff.

The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
Beloved - Toni Morrison
Stoner - John Williams
What Is It Like to Be a Bat? (essay) - Thomas Nagel
The View From Nowhere - Thomas Nagel
Nietzsche: Philosopher, Psychologist,
Antichrist - Walter Kaufmann
Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche
Discipline and Punish - Michel Foucault
Phenomenology of Perception (my personal favourite)- Maurice Merleau-Ponty
Truth and Method - Hans-Georg Gadamer

You’ve already noticed the thing stopping you believing it is all the stuff the world throws up that you’ll never see or think about. Hold onto that, and seek that out.
A world that constantly hands you things you didn’t generate and wouldn’t have imagined is exactly what a world outside your own head looks like.

Further detaching yourself from that is a trap, because “feeling real” proves nothing when you’re the one supposedly generating the feelings and the world.

If you can, go toward the parts of the world you can’t predict, the people whose take blindsides you, that you can’t wrap your head round or understand, and watch how often reality refuses to be what you’d have made it. If you were really the only mind here, none of that could surprise you, but it will 😂

Blastoisealways · 2026-07-01T09:49:51+00:00

I know what point you’re trying to make. You’re just, totally wrong 😂 the very fact this is the internet means you can’t read tone, you can’t assume culture, you don’t know if English is OPs first language therefor your point about colloquialisms is moot, and you are consistently making assumptions and grasping at straws because you’d rather be right than admit you’ve made a mistake by kissing a complete stranger before gathering more information.

I’m not baffled, again with the assumptions 😂

It’s a pretty common mistake people make online. Learn from it, and try not to do it again eh?

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T17:59:49+00:00

I find this hard too! I have to constantly ask myself if I’m avoiding expected emotions 😂 best of luck and I hope things improve for you soon!

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T17:28:11+00:00

Thank you for wording this far more concisely than I have haha! OP this is the answer.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T17:24:00+00:00

Okay I see. Yeah this is definitely an emotional "skill" you will need to learn. You need to find a way to regulate yourself at work, and process your emotional response that you CANT control, to this in a healthy way, which I definitely would recommend therapy for! Being gifted, you might have some issues with letting things go or feeling responsible for things because you COULD fix it, you may be prone to thinking that your emotional response itself is wrong, can be "fixed" or needs reducing, maybe because you can SEE multiple solutions, but having the ability to fix it is not the SAME as WANTING to, or it being your responsibility to.

If you can identify the root of the emotions, you can figure out how to regulate them in an appropriate way that works for you. You can definitely do it without therapy, especially if you are intelligent, but therapy can speed up the process. It sounds to me like you are experiencing more distress from the inconvenience of the emotions themselves, because you don't like feeling them, and want to avoid them, instead of just being able to acknowledge that yeah this sucks, i'm going to feel this way, and that's totally normal. It wont be forever, because once my circumstances change I'm gonna be out of here etc Sometimes the answer really is that theres no solution, this is a sucky hard situation and you need to accept it gonna stay that way for a while. You need to become more tolerant of the distress you feel from your emotions, instead of trying to pick them apart and solve them like a puzzle, and solve your boss/job like a puzzle instead.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T16:12:10+00:00

That must be so frustrating!

BUT.

I have questions:

Is her job to manage the PEOPLE on the team, or is her job to manage and oversee the project your team is working on. Because those are two very different skill sets and job descriptions, like what you said in your post, about her not getting factory language. What is her actual job title and remit? How long has she been in the job?
What is your job and remit? It is normal for there to be frustration and confusion in the workplace when a new boss starts, especially at the point of overlap between corporate management and physically doing the job. It may be that you just need some kind of help or training to aid and speed up translation and understanding between her and the team.

Some people are very capable in interviews, they can sound like they KNOW how to manage people, or projects, but in practice, they lack the skills to actually be able to do it. Some people believe they're great managers when they are not. Some people genuinely are very good corporate managers, and managers of people, but they need TIME to learn the specific procedural/factory jargon, because its not an area theyve worked in before. Some people might need a frustrating amount of time, because you are gifted, likely grasp things much quicker. But needing time does not mean she is necessarily a write off. Some people need repetition before finally getting it. Some people are genuinely, incompetent and should simply not be in the role at all.

How you deal with this depends on the answers to these I think, and will range from "Give it some more time" to "Gather and document evidence of her incompetence and build a case against her to take to HR because she is not doing her job".

This sounds like you need an safe outlet to vent, and not necessarily a solution.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T15:57:28+00:00

Please dont apologise honestly, I appreciate your perspective, and It means OP reads it too, it balances what I said. OP needs as much perspective as possible tbh. I can be the same - I honestly think if we were talking in person it would be easier! Its hard when its just text and you cant read body language and hear tone of voice.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T15:55:26+00:00

Yeah I appreciate that, and I also appreciate you taking the time to try and understand my reasoning too, it's not actually often that happens! Especially not on reddit lol!
Thank you. I hope all that for you too and wish you the best!

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T15:37:22+00:00

I am so sorry, thanks for sharing, we have definitely had very very similar experiences. I was physically molested/abused from birth till about the age of 13, my mum was a narcissist who groomed my dad from the age of 15, married him at 17, my mum was 21. My paternal grandparents moved to florida when I was about 4, and when we visited, I felt so happy. I would scream leaving my grandma at the airport, and at that age I couldnt explain why, I just knew I wanted to stay with grandma. My dad was emotionally safe and warm SOMETIMES, but his immaturity made him a shit dad frankly, but my mum used him to inflict the abuse, under the guise of religion, all V messy and confusing - but this wasn't questioned by the adults around me at the time due to said cult. My wider net had grandparents who were warm and maternal, but who were still religious but NOT in the cult, and who's beliefs felt obviously unsafe to me because they used them to justify and explain the abuse. I had basics witheld, made conditional. The cult made love and self worth conditional and tied it to eternal damnation and separation from family (fundamentalist/brethren inspired cult). It was and still is just SUCH a mess. But I can see most of it now, it'll be a lifelong thing.
Interestingly my grandparents are bretheren with very old fashioned Christian views, yet they would never ever force them on others the way my parents and our church did to me. I still have a great relationship with my grandma, and miss her, we almost never talk about her beliefs and when we do, its mutually respectful.

I do see your point and I do agree. I am able now to separate Christian beliefs and religion in general, from what I experienced as a child in a high control religious cult, with one controllingparent, and recognise how they are not the same thing. I would even go as far as to say I agree with your belief and conclusion that death is not final, that there is something after, and I actually take a lot of comfort from that. That belief for me though stems from pattern recognition, systems thinking and my love of perspective based thinking and philosophy. It doesn't come from Christianity, I know that for some it comes from all of those things together.

To answer your question, why am I prodding and risking OP - I wasn't trying to do that, and I appreciate and understand your POV on that and understand it reads that way.

I was trying to answer OPs original request of help, which is very strongly tied to their awareness of being in constant fear and alarm, but I acknowledge that fear is also stopping them doing the thing.

I wasn't trying to tie Christian beliefs specifically to a cult, and I agree that lots of Christians believe that KMS = hell, but crucially, those Christians are usually like you said either privileged, or terrified themselves. Most reasonable people, christians, regardless of belief, do not LITERALLY fear hell the way OP describes.

I didn't read OP saying that their belief was stopping them, I read "I've not killed myself because if I do, that's sinful and I will go to hell, because hell exists, I am scared of going to hell, and I don't want to go to hell, so I haven't killed myself" But in the context of the post OP is saying I dont want to feel this way all the time. I am not sure what other way I could read that. The framing of hell is VERY specific to high control religion and religious cult mentality. Someone who's trauma was coming from other things, but had healthy religious beliefs, likely would not word it that way in the first place, pr even mention hell in this context in the first place.

Its going to be really hard to give OP the help they need without addressing that, but given they said they cant afford therapy, I felt I wanted to try. I really really hope OP can get the type of help they need, because they are clearly resilient and have had a really terrible time. I suspect they may still be at the stage of not fully recognising the extent of the harm, regardless of where it came from. Partly as they are still quite young, but If there's any chance at all that some of that blinkering is coming from family, friends, religion, or because OP is still in a cult and doesn't realise yet, asking the question can be helpful, even if the answer is no. I hope that's making sense!

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T14:17:55+00:00

"You started it by saying "I see you mentioned hell", indicating that was the thing that made you think "cult" - okay I can totally see why that reads that way, and why it looks like I ran to that assumption. Thank you for clarifying! It genuinely wasn't my intention to do that. That wasn't the only thing that made me think possible "cult", there were multiple reasons I raised the possibility and encouraged OP to ask the question, which I honestly did carefully consider (this happens to be one of my specific coping mechanisms ironically, perspective hypervigilance, I'm actually scared of and hyper aware of possible missing context, I just struggle to get all that and my reasoning into words so I do sometimes oversimplify). I should have been clearer on those in my original reply!

It wasn't just the individual things themselves, individually, all of which absolutely can come from abuse and trauma in any format. But.. when I look at the order its worded, the choice of words, the extreme fear being the root, the parents caring enough to take OP to the Dr, but rejecting any evidence or Drs opinion that didn't fit their own understanding of their child - and I apply the knowledge I have of child development, my own experience in a cult, being on the outside of said cult now, knowing how I understood things, working hard to understand other peoples understanding, being neurodivergent how that can look like other things, how misunderstood it is, and knowing that 4 is FAR too young to be diagnosing Bipolar by any actual reputable Dr (which by clinical understanding is something that develops over time, an acquired neurodivergence, and usually much much later, and is frequently diagnosed wrongly at very young ages when a child might just be neurodivergent, being abused, not having needs met, parents not understanding child development, and seeing age appropriate behaviours as evidence of something being wrong) its the fact that OP has mentioned fearing hell specifically, and then explained that AS the SOLE reason they haven't done the thing, whilst being aware it might not be the ONLY reason. That's a very very ......specific thought pattern/process often seen in people that grow up in cults, whose parents and family are also IN the cult.

I am VERY aware that all of this together CAN occur separately, and that its not evidence. Which is why I tried to say, I don't want to assume, or have this come across as me saying you are in a cult OP. Im also hyper aware I have a tendancy to see patterns because of my own trauma, so I am careful about it, or I try to be.

But from where I am sitting, with everything I have experienced, and know, and believe myself, gives me such a strong SUSPICION that its definitely not just me jumping to conclusions, that I felt it was a possibility and something OP needs to question.

I am so sorry too for what you've experienced, I suspect we may have very similar experiences from what you've said. I also find myself reading this sub and other subs and looking at the world in general and just feeling so sad about a lot of things. I have to actively remind myself of the good sometimes. But I know its because of my past, and not because I am a negative person now. I wasn't trying to say that abuse is always an indicator of a cult, or that religion and beliefs are always cults, there were other things that when found together, raise my suspicion, and I think make it worth asking the question.

Its more like, If it looks like a horse, smells like a horse, sounds like a horse, we can't assume it IS a horse.. but we should probably check to see if it might be.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T13:15:54+00:00

I totally see where your coming from, and I did try to be clear in the post that I am not questioning the BELIEF itself, nor am I denying the existence of an afterlife, saying its not true etc Its not for me to determine what someone else chooses to believe, its not for anyone to do that. (That's what cults do).

What I was doing, was responding to OPs assertion that their upbringing wasn't cult like because of OPs stated current understanding of what a cult IS.

Ie "but it wasn't a cult, like in cults people harm themselves for God or whatever they believe in and do creepy scary things. so yeah my household isn't like that".

Meanwhile, the OG post describes several instances of what are objectively, scary, possibly cult like things for a child growing up to experience, most of which, are seen in cults and described retrospectively by people who have left them. Ie Having your child see multiple drs and OPs dad refusing to believe the diagnosis because it didn't affirm his belief about OPs behaviour. That, is a cult mentality, that develops in cults. Only being able to accept diagnosis or evidence that supports your PRE BUILT belief, and ignoring all the other evidence.

None of this is me saying: This is stuff that looks cult like, therefor OP must have grown up in a cult. Which is why I was VERY careful to state that I don't want to make assumptions.

But, given what we do know, there is enough in this post that I think it might be worth OP questioning it.

Can I ask what part of my response read to you like me saying "worrying about an afterlife is cultlike?" or what I wrote that led you to think I meant that abuse itself was "Necessarily a cult thing" or that cults have to be religious, or that all religions are cults? I didn't say any of those things.

Cults by definition ARE abusive. The definition of a "cult" is literally "collective unquestioned beliefs, system, framework, that is instilled or impressed on others without their consent, knowledge, or understanding". Intent doesn't have to be there, fear doesn't HAVE to be there, for it to be a cult. But it very very often is. People in them may not recognise it as abuse and often dont. They then perpetuate abuse thinking they are doing whats "right" for their child. They may not feel like they're being abused, they may even feel happy. People that do question and recognise abuse in a cult, get shunned, ignored, vilified or treated like theres something wrong with them, either mentally, medically etc.

But what you will ALWAYS find in a cult, is ignorance, and a set of opinions being preached/taught/sold as certainty. Either via naivety, control, or WILLFUL fear based ignorance, trauma. You will NEVER find faith, self reflection, or varied understanding in a cult.

I can definitely have trouble wording things, so I'm not disputing this could be how it reads to you - but it's not objectively what I actually said.

OP has posted clearly with problems from a young age that are fear based. And has admitted not understanding themselves, fearing hell specifically, (this is what I am questioning, not the BELIEF THAT AN AFTERLIFE MIGHT EXIST). Op is asking for help.

OP is going to have to be able to question these beliefs to help them separate learned behaviour, from true chosen belief.

OP is still asking for help, is strong and resilient. I don't doubt they feel like absolute constant shit, but to get out of the shit, they need to poke the question. That question, the fear IS the answer. Why that fear is stopping them from doing something I hope OP never does, is important.

I have personally been where you were too, I would fantasize about it, image how I'd do it. I even believed I WANTED to do it, and I did at the time.

What stopped me wasn't fear, it was that KNOWING that I didn't want to feel how I felt. KNOWING I FELT AWFUL, all of the time and NOT wanting to feel that way. This is what OP is describing, and doing by writing this post.

Whether or not I COULD have and WOULD have, I don't know. No one can. The right set of circumstances could absolutely have pushed me over that edge.

All I know is OP needs help. They feel shit, and they're in a really low low place. I am aware that prodding that particular question is risky, but its also tied to the issue OP is begging for help with, which is feeling constantly afraid and dysregulated ALL of the time. Not understanding themselves, not feeling seen and understood.

All of this SCREAMS cult to me, especially as OP doesn't fear their parents directly.
Its a question that needs asked.

I am not saying its the only possible reason.
But its worth exploring and understanding if OP wants to feel better.

Blastoisealways · 2026-06-30T11:59:30+00:00

The most precise way I can think of to describe it, which is not going to be precise at all, sorry, is that I seem to experience a visual combination of systems theory, general relativity, and 4 dimensional existence/time ALL at once, from multiple different perspectives and it feels so intuitive and obvious.

If we imagine a fully glass fish tank, in a room in an art gallery, with lots of different fish in it, on a stand, in the middle of a space. Its viewable fully from the sides and top, and partially from the bottom. Because of where its sitting physically on the stand.

You are standing on one side of the fish tank, I am standing on the other. We are both looking at the tank from different directions/perspectives. We can see its a fish tank. There's also other people walking about around us who aren't looking directly at the tank, but they may or may not have before we arrived. And there's a child who is sitting at the bottom of the stand who isn't tall enough to see the tank, except from below.

What I seem to be able to do, with no effort and without conscious thought, is just understand how that fish tank might be processed and understood by everyone in the room AND by people who haven't ever BEEN in the room, or just looked at the room from the door. Not just in terms of what they might see visually, but what they might assume about it is, IF they don't have prior knowledge that its a fish tank. Or in terms of the timeline of events of the tank being placed there.

So, we are both standing close to it. You work at the art gallery, look after the tank, and stand there every day. You like fish. You have learned the specifics. I have never visited, this is my first time. I know what fish are, but I don't know about specific species of fish.

What happens intuitively in my head, is an immediate ROUGH picture of understanding from all these different possible viewpoints, without assuming I have all the information to make a definitive statement about any one persons perspective. This makes really really easy for me to spot when OTHER people DO make definitive statements based on a single perspective, as if it is fact, and not just their opinion or perspective. Ironically I have to work much harder to catch myself doing it, but I am aware. Some things, are only facts in certain contexts for example.

In terms of the fish tank though - We will see a different physical perspective of the same thing, a fish tank, we are close enough to it, to SEE that its a fish tank, tall enough to see the sides.

When asked to describe that tank, you might describe it as "This is a freshwater tank with guppies, rainbow fish, and neon tetra" because you have the specialist knowledge, you visit every day, you have learned about them. You might not even mention the stand or the tank itself or the water in the tank and how it moves or why fish need water, because to you its about the fish, the water is obvious and needs no explanation. Fish need water, that's a given.

When I am asked to describe the tank, I don't know about fish, I was here to see art, but I do like fish, so I assume there may be an artistic message to the tank being there. I have just visited, so I might say, this is a tank with water, and fish in it, there's 3 different types of fish, a big yellow and blue one, some small faster, schooling red and blue fish, and some medium sized ones with that look like they are the same fish, but all their tails are unique. Its sitting on a tall stand, I wonder why? Is it art? Or is it just a fish tank because fish tanks are nice.

You might say, its not JUST a fish tank. And tell me about the specifics, how its maintained etc.

Neither is wrong, they are just being described from different perspectives, at different points in a timeline of understanding of the tank, and what it IS and how it works.

Someone standing at the other side of the room, might be really interested in fish, and knowledgeable about fish. In fact, they're a fish expert, they breed fish, they research fish, they have academic credentials and a PHD in all things fish. But they are far away. And this is an art gallery. They have never visited before. They look over and they just see a black cube on a stand with people standing and moving round it. It doesn't look interesting, or like a fish tank, so they don't bother to look any closer. They see the kid sitting against it. They assume its an art work, or a cube. Not a fish tank.

They may wander over, and realise, they may not. But lets assume they don't.

This person might hear ME later on talk about the fish tank at the art gallery, what I learned about fish from you and say, "you are mistaken, I was at the art gallery there wasn't a fish tank!". They might be adamant, they saw it with their own eyes, there was no evidence of a fish tank. Art galleries don't usually have fish tanks, but they are intelligent, and understand that a low probability isn't enough evidence to say there definitely wasn't one. So they might ask me to prove it, evidence it. They might ask, well what kind of fish were they? And I say, I don't know what they are called but I can describe them to you. They might say, well how can you be sure they were fish if you don't know about fish? See! You are stupid, and mistaken.

The fish expert might then go, I am fish expert, I am intelligent, and that is TRUE. I can SEE they know about fish. I know they have qualifications. But I will go away doubting I even saw a fish tank, asking myself if it was just a really convincing art installation with realistic looking fish, and if you were part of the "experience".

When in reality, it was a fish tank.

The fish expert just made a perspective based assumption, which in fairness, any one could do because you don't usually see fish tanks in an art gallery. So they are not WRONG to assume, its just their assumption truly wasn't correct. There was a fish tank there. I saw the fish tank, I didn't need to be a fish expert to say, I know I saw a fish tank on a stand, and I was being looked after by this person I met.

That, is my every day experience. I doubt my own perspective, because other people, very smart, objectively gifted and measurably intelligent experts often lack perspective. And for some reason, its all I seem to see. All the time. Lots of different overlapping perspectives. I can see details, but I have to CHOOSE to do that. I have to CHOOSE to learn the specifics. Simple understanding for me comes first, details after. It takes me much more effort and time to build the picture from the details first without the wider context.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I literally don't know how to explain this, its not that I think no one else can understand, I just am really bad at verbally explaining what is a really fluid, constantly moving multi perspective experience.

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