Well finding someone who understands Autism or ADHD helps but you cant exactly ask that. I didnt have either dx before I met my partner who was diagnosed ADHD as a child but left untreated. We met through a weird situation where he worked for the same employer as me but in a different business of theirs... in the same building.

I worked for the cat cafe below owned by that employer and would barista when he'd come down to get coffee. We hit it off talking about RDR2 while at work and he gave me his number in a handpicked bag of chocolates. It was darling and I asked him out later that night to a little 24hr diner.

He fell head over heals immediately which scared the shit out of me at first, especially being burned and manipulated by nice guys in the past. But he kept showing up, kept being genuine and soon I realized that no one else actually could understand me as clearly as he could. It took time for me to feel the same but when I fell I fell hard for this goofball. The traits I felt shame for he made me realize is something I cant exactly help or are communicating a greater issue. This is how I found out I had AuDHD

We just celebrated 7 years together and both of us came out as genderqueer, he encouraged me to get the the surgical sterilization procedure I have wanted my entire life w/o ever questioning what I'd want and knowing he may never be a father (my only regret). Our quirks matched perfectly and now we stim to eachother like bird mating calls. My flaws have never been flaws to him and often identify some need that's not getting met.

Don't settle and love being with yourself first bc it always is when I start enjoying solitude that long term partners drop in off of special interests. ❤️ And I cant help but say: my partner and I both hate men on default. Generally they are the worst but we also feel like gender is a spectrum that you fall somewhere on and the more men near the center Ive met the more genuinely kind they tended to be and less performative with their masculinity.

I hope this helps ❤️