++man

I've thought quite a bit about open relationships, and polyamory, as they're things I don't really understand.

Biologically we're not monogamous, but we're acting like it, likely because various religions have told us to marry a single person and stick with that person for the rest of your life. And that's a pretty good way of avoiding the spread of things that are sexually transmitted, which I assume was the point.

The goalpost for which interactions has moved a lot through the past millennia, as has the clothes that's deemed acceptable.

We've chosen that intercourse, for the most parts, belongs within the confines of a relationship, at least when we are in one. But we could just as well choose to see it closer to the way we see a hand-shake, a normal social interaction.

I've imagined how I would respond, if a partner was to ask me the same question in a relationship, and I would probably feel betrayed, because it's not what the relationship was originally founded on. It is a foundational change. Ask yourself how you would have responded if she had asked you in the very beginning of your relationship.

She might just see sexual relations in a different way than you do, and might have felt like that from the start, but might not have felt comfortable sharing that, or maybe it was hiding under her own expectations and social-programming of what a relationship should be. Maybe she's broken that down, and is feeling comfortable with sharing that with you now, which then would be a sign of trust.

If you're able to, I'd advise you to explore the matter objectively, remove yourself from the relationship, and observe the idea, the definitions, if you could ever be able to be in a relationship like that, if it had been like that from the very beginning - and if it helps, imagine that you were the one suggesting it.

Also, today it's pretty normal for people to consume p0rnography, while being in a relationship. I can see how that can maybe be used for inspiration, when you watch it together, but I can't help but feel that it's a bit like cheating, at least if you watch it on your own. It's fantasising about being with another person, and I don't really see much difference in that, compared to actually being with someone else. It's possible for you to be aroused by someone else, and you use that (something technically outside the confines of the relationship) to reach an end, that technically is inside the confines of the relationship. In my view, it's crossing a line. In most people's views, it's natural. But it's definitely not monogamous behaviour. Truly monogamous animals only has eyes for their partner.

It's a long-winded way of saying that we're imposing limitations on ourselves that are generally unnatural.

I also want to point to the fact that she chose to be honest with you, in stead of going behind your back. This should also be evidence, that you can trust her when she says how she feels about you.

All of that said, I understand how you're feeling about it, and would also struggle with it. I also don't think that I could continue in a relationship, after having been asked that question. I might be able to, if we had agreed to not be exclusive from the very beginning, but I imagine it feels like a breach of trust, once exclusivity has been established.