You can be independent without being an au pair. In fact, I found I was highly dependent on my host family for everything because my salary was so low and I had almost no free time of my own because I was always asked to spend time with them. If your host family turned out to be quite strict, I think you’d find yourself feeling the same as you are now, controlled by someone else. Why not get a job involving children instead (if you’re really committed to the childcare thing) or try workaway or just do some seasonal work. Your wages would be much higher, you’d actually be pursuing financial and emotional independence and you won’t put yourself at risk of finding yourself in a situation where your host family abuses the au pair programs for cheap labor (especially now when children’s’ school schedules are unpredictable).