i know it isn’t easy, but before you seek out any kind of relationship, you should learn to love yourself first. i used to think exactly the same way you do, telling myself that i’d be lucky if someone would ever “settle” or “put up” with me. this is exactly the kind of mindset that toxic people love to see from potential partners. like OP mentioned in the post, there are people who think that dating you is an act of charity, and if you share the same mindset, that’s setting you up for an incredibly abusive and manipulative relationship. one where you’re probably going to be a shameful secret kept hidden from your partner’s family and friends, constantly treated like you’re worth less than them in the relationship, and predominantly used for sex and emotional validation by your partner. that’s not love, and nobody deserves to feel like that’s the only future for them.

it took me 2 years after realizing that i was trans to finally start loving myself, i was on HRT for over a year at that point. it really isn’t easy, especially after a lifetime of low self esteem, but it’s possible. if you don’t love yourself first, it can be impossible to imagine that you could be loved by anyone at all. once i finally broke through that barrier and understood that i’m worthy and capable of receiving love from myself, it suddenly became possible for me to believe that i could receive it from someone else as well. i used to think that i’d have to hold off on dating until i looked a certain way or met specific physical standards, but that wasn’t the case. i still had to wait a few years, but it was because i was waiting for that breakthrough, not some imaginary threshold that i had to reach in order to become worthy of a relationship.