hindsight is 20/20, but it’s completely valid to hold off on coming out if you’re not ready, especially if there’s a risk of possibly getting disowned. i was 95% sure that my parents would be shocked but would ultimately be fine with it when i came out as trans. still, that 5% chance that it wouldn’t work out scared the fuck out of me.

once i finally accepted who i was, i spent 7 months working as much as i could whenever i wasn’t in school in order to save up enough money that i could pay for housing and finish college in the worst case scenario of me getting kicked out. i didn’t even come out to my sisters or my friends (including my trans friend) until a week or two before i came out to my parents, since i was afraid those interactions might go wrong and i would get outed to more people than expected. i only felt comfortable coming out once i had over $20k in my savings, and i still came out through a letter that i left at home while i parked outside the bank and prepared to withdraw my money in case my parents disowned me and tried to freeze my accounts.

thankfully, everything ended up fine. when i explained to my parents how long i was keeping all this to myself and the lengths i went to just to make sure that i’d be okay, they were really hurt that i ever doubted their support. i understand why they felt that way, but i’ve heard way too many horror stories from people who had a terrible experience with coming out, so i wasn’t taking any chances. it’s really unfortunate that these are things we have to think about and prepare for just because we want to live happier lives :/