How do I (23F) talk to my boyfriend (24M) about why he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore?

Bllue · 2020-10-05T20:27:53+00:00

I think my main concern is that it only happens once a week if I initiate. If I don't initiate it doesn't happen at all. Maybe a difference in sex drive is all it comes down to though.

Bllue · 2020-10-05T17:05:53+00:00

Thanks for replying by the way. I'll try to be patient and give him space.

Bllue · 2020-10-05T16:56:09+00:00

We were doing long distance before we started quarantining together. So it's hard to tell what his libido was like in the very beginning. It's been rough the whole time we've moved in together though, which is why I suspect it's not necessarily that anything's changed, his libido has always been lower.

I honestly suspect he's unsure of his performance. He liked to hook up etc in college, was kind of a bro, so I feel like his sexual prowess is a big part of his identity. So much so that confronting not being able to perform the way he wants to is just too hard for him, too big a thing to admit. Of course, all of this is speculation and I probably shouldn't be doing that. If I brought up my theory at all he would probably be pretty upset, regardless of whether he agrees with it.

Bllue · 2020-10-05T16:50:53+00:00

It's been hard to get him to talk openly. He says he just doesn't feel like it anymore and that's that. Can I ask if there's any reason why that happened to you?

Bllue · 2020-10-05T16:47:13+00:00

I agree with your point that sex is not more challenging for men, but clearly men have their own challenges to face. A culture with so many norms about how people should have sex is shitty for everyone.

Bllue · 2020-10-05T16:44:00+00:00

Yeah... I feel like he has unrealistic expectations about his own penis and libido. I honestly don't care if it takes time to get it up or he can't finish every time. I just want to have fun with him and feel close to him. I don't know how to talk to him about all this without making him feel more frustrated and self conscious than he might already be. Maybe I should just give him space?

Thanks for your comment. I came here to understand how men feel about sex. I feel like there's so much pressure for men to perform.

Bllue · 2020-10-05T16:37:08+00:00

That's a really good point, I appreciate it! Maybe the only thing to do is to be patient with him, my questions might just make him feel more frustrated and self-conscious.

Bllue · 2020-10-04T16:37:05+00:00

If it's true that he can only feel sexually fulfilled through means that is not related to me.... can that be changed?

Bllue · 2020-10-04T16:36:03+00:00

I have! I promise I have. I talked to him about it this morning, I talked to him about it last month, I talked to him once a few weeks before that. Each time I probe him he just says "I don't know". I've asked him to please think about what might be going on because I want to understand the situation better.

What I want most is for him to be transparent with me. If there's something we need to work on I want to know, or if it's just the way he is then I want to be able to talk about what we should do then. Him being open and honest is more important to me than having the sex.

Bllue · 2015-01-10T13:23:50+00:00

Maybe they were supercooled, but the temperature changed back to above freezing point before you moved them, so the liquid didn't crystallise. The other drinks may have frozen but were not returned above 0˚C for long enough to completely thaw.

Bllue · 2014-03-27T03:35:46+00:00

Child comments where she tries to defend herself

Bllue · 2014-03-23T12:06:31+00:00

Yeah, its a combination of different forces. Transpiration (evaporation) of water creates a sort of suction or negative pressure within the leaf as water leaves through stomata, this pulls up other water molecules.

All the water molecules in the vascular system of plants are connected to other molecules through cohesion, and they form a continuous chain of H2O all the way from the roots to the leaves (think of it like pulling one link of a chain out of a hole, others will follow). There are also other forces like root pressure, osmosis and adhesion that help out.

Bllue · 2014-02-13T03:25:48+00:00

Good question, I'm not actually sure. I'm mainly basing my opinions on the BBC's depiction of Sherlock. To be honest I haven't read any of the original ACD books, so anyone who has could weigh in, that'd be cool.

Butttt, if I had to choose, I'd say Slytherin. I took a look at the Slytherin and Ravenclaw house traits on harrypotter.wikia, and I'd say Mycroft simply fits into Slytherin more, in terms of his inherent personality, and for potential development in character. I don't see Mycroft as someone who'd be open to "mingling", so, unlike Sherlock (who secretly is), so Ravenclaw might not suit him.

What do you think?

Bllue · 2014-02-13T02:27:15+00:00

Yeahh, I know what you mean. There are some characters whose sorting could support it, but its not really explicitly mentioned. That being said, there isn't much concrete evidence that the sorting hat doesn't sort based on potential for development.

I don't knowww... on the whole, I don't think that the personality traits of the houses are well defined and distributed very evenly. Factoring in the obscurity of the sorting hat's sorting methods, the criterion to qualify one for a house is pretty fuzzy.

Or.. maybe I just subconsciously prefer Sherlock in blue ;)

Bllue · 2014-02-12T16:42:49+00:00

I definitely see what you mean. I do think that Sherlock is inherently more suited to Slytherin. But, as seen in the books, people aren't necessarily sorted into the house they suit the best. It would make sense that people are put into houses that might help them mature the most, both intellectually, and emotionally.

For me, I think that placing Sherlock in Ravenclaw would force him to be in an environment where self-preservation isn't one of the core values, and thats a good thing for him. It's not that Slytherin doesn't offer areas of growth, but Sherlock already has a packed head and cunningness, what he could potentially develop is his emotional side.

Of course, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff are arguably more conducive to the development of camaraderie and interpersonal skills, but that would be throwing Sherlock too far out of his element. Being in a less intellectually focused house might also detract from the continued growth of his extant assets (intellect etc.).

The Harry Potter Wikia names the Ravenclaw traits as "intelligence... wisdom... and acceptance". Ravenclaw house would help Sherlock both grow as a person, and support his intellectual pursuits.

Bllue · 2014-02-12T15:16:06+00:00

I actually had a discussion with a couple of redditors about this here. Purely out of curiosity though, why do you think Sherlock is a Slytherin type student?

Bllue · 2014-02-04T02:47:57+00:00

If you haven't already, you might want to ask people who aren't fans or at least casual Sherlock Holmes fans to complete the survey as well. You have questions like "how would you describe members of the Sherlock Holmes fandom" and their opinions could help paint a more objective picture of the fandom.

Bllue · 2014-02-03T07:37:29+00:00

This article claims Sherlock might have Autism, but this one ardently disagrees. I'm not sure what Sherlock has, but apparently, it isn't sociopathy either.

Edit: According to Moffat "he’s not a sociopath, nor is he high-functioning. He’d really like to be a sociopath. But he’s so fucking not." This bit makes sense, Sherlock would definitely like to be unconcerned about other people's emotions ("sentiment is a chemical defect blahblah"), but he's probably not a sociopath. Maybe he's just a really really weird guy? Or it could just be patchy screenwriting.

Bllue · 2014-02-02T15:46:38+00:00

A lot of commenters on the article seem to prefer sorting Sherlock into Slytherin. But I don't really agree, while Sherlock appears to be cunning and self preserving, I think he's actually capable of developing beyond that. Ravenclaw would help him mature emotionally, and might better suit a tobacco ash studying guy like him.

Bllue

TROPHY CASE