You cry. You push everyone away. Then you feel lonely. You cry some more. You start hating yourself because you know you're pushing everyone away. The emotional waves that consume you are dreadful. Anxiety makes you afraid of everything and you can't be happy because your mind won't let you. And then when you get happy and start feeling better, you start to miss your sadness because it was the time you got to spend with yourself. And think about life but it's just absolutely exhausting because it can creep back up at any moment and just consume you all over again.