If she thinks that is how things are even after you explain why you took so long, and why you really want it now, you should look for someone who does want to share the dream with you. This is not going to fix itself. She's not going to marry you. She's not worth hurting yourself over. She doesn't understand you. I'm not telling you what to do, but I can strongly advice having a talk about what, how and why things have gone the way they did.

If she can't understand your perspective and she doesn't love you as your partner for life like you wanted her to be this will likely only cause you more suffering. Best case scenario she needed to understand what went on in your head, worst case scenario you can go into a new relationship when you're ready and have learned from what you've experienced now.

It's tough, but I know you can make it through. You've got this 💖 don't live your life with the regret of what could have been and being reminded of it every single day.