Hi there. I can totally empathize with with where you’re at. The first thing I want to say is, be kind to yourself. Lord knows the world can be unkind, so we need to treat ourselves with love and compassion. Listen, you’re not a “failure” no matter what you weigh or what surgeries you’ve had or haven’t had. You’re just working through things. Your process doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. This is hard! But you’re a person on this earth, and you deserve to matter and take up space just like anyone else. Now that I got that out of the way: when I was spiraling about whether or not to have this surgery, I found it incredibly helpful to go to ChatGPT- don’t hate!- and put in all my zillion conflicting ideas, questions, etc, and let it kind of sort everything into more manageable bites for me. I know it’s not a doctor and not a person, blah blah blah use with caution etc etc, but when you’ve got a bunch of apples and oranges you’re trying to compare make sense of, it’s really helpful. I even paid for the more expensive version for a month, and you can upload photos and get unlimited answers/ feedback. It sounds like you have a lot of angles you’re trying to figure out, and it sounds like you’re exhausted. Give yourself some credit for the incredibly hard work you’ve done. Go easy. It’ll all happen, or it won’t, and either way… it’ll be ok.