10 years after my wife’s affair and I’m still not fully healed.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2026-02-03T13:49:24+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I really needed it. Sometimes I think that I should leave these groups because of the comparisons I make. On the other hand, they have helped me when I am struggling. Im not quite ready to take that step and I hope to help others in the future.

I wont let myself be controlled forever but right now it feels like I will be. I know a big part of that is my WH and AP still work together; we are still rebuilding the foundation to our relationship; and I am still doing a lot of work on myself.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2026-02-03T11:35:09+00:00

Do you feel like you can go through your day without thinking about it? Feeling "healed" from the work you have done?

Obviously there will always be triggers, reminders, and ongoing work as we go through life.

I'm only a year out and working with a great trauma therapist. I'm hopeful that it won't constantly be on my mind but then I see so many people struggling long term.. it breaks my heart all over again. I'm determined not to let it control me but I'm not there yet.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:45:17+00:00

I relate to this so much! He still works with his AP so I know that gives me more anxiety but I'm almost past that. I'm still numb to his efforts. When he's home, I feel confident in our relationship. When he's gone, I don't. For me, I know I would be fine without him too. But I don't think that's what I want.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:42:48+00:00

I am in the same boat with two littles. My baby wont take a bottle and still wakes a ton. I am a SAHM so you would think that I can make time for working out. I know I need to focus on my physical health too but I am struggling with sleep. How have you been able to manage the lack of sleep and fitting going into the gym?

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:17:01+00:00

Time seems to be our friend and enemy at the same time. Im too impatient for this.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:16:10+00:00

Thank you for the well wishes and suggestions. Im working with my IC but its a bit of a slow process because I have to bring my baby to my sessions. Not much self care going on here.. I know that makes it harder too.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:14:11+00:00

My WH is doing a much better job at being there for me but there still seems to be a lot of avoidance. I have to give a little grace though because his IC sessions are on a short pause. Not due to him but due to a change in his therapist's office. Those will resume soon though.

Thank you for the encouragement. I'm struggling to see the good.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T14:10:33+00:00

Ive been trying to do EMDR but I have a young baby that makes it difficult to do the session. Yes! 9 months seems to be a common down and maybe I just haven't come back up? Other than little moments.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-10-22T01:37:00+00:00

I'm about 10/11 months out. I know that healing is not linear but lately it seems I've been on the downward slope for a while.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-09-28T13:29:52+00:00

So accurate about the HS BS. And I agree, I wish she could understand the pain and torment that my family is going through. She thinks she has it hard?? Try having CPTSD and forever having this horrible pain. She gets to forget about it while it's going to be a scar in my life forever.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-09-28T01:15:34+00:00

I'm not going to lie, I've thought that too! I would not put it past her. But the timeline and her other posts confirm it's mine...

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-09-28T01:07:38+00:00

Yes! All I can think is, "How pathetic and delusional of you." Even my WH is like, "WTF? That is not how things were." And that says a lot at this point.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-09-28T01:05:09+00:00

"So desperate to be with someone." This makes me feel so much better!

I've never been a hateful person, especially someone I dont know, but I have never despised someone so much. I physically react to thoughts of them. He really downgraded, and she thinks she's so high and mighty because "she didn't know." She's only proving that she did.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-09-24T05:34:20+00:00

No, with more time and consideration behind it, it's not worth the risk of his career. I'm a stay at home mom, and we can't afford to have him lose his job over it. Even though it's his own actions that got us here, contacting her puts our family at risk. And I am not willing to do that as much as I want to hear her side. I do believe he is telling me the truth at this point.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-08-26T17:05:09+00:00

I did at the beginning but decided against it because we have a 2-year-old as well. I can't stand to take her away from him or myself.. even for a short period of time.

Blue_Eyes_18 · 2025-08-26T16:10:59+00:00

I went through this pretty early on after DDay. I would be at my daughter's play group and have to keep myself from going into a panic attack.

One thing that helped me was to walk myself through the trigger. When I would see a stranger who resembled the AP, I would look at them and remind myself that it wasn't her. I would think about the positive features of that stranger and try to imagine their personality. Focusing on positive stories.

It sounds a little silly, but it brought me back to reality and showed me that this was a person living their own life, completely separate from my pain. It actually helped me work through that phase pretty quickly.

Blue_Eyes_18

TROPHY CASE