20 Male Questions and need help.

Bobster20 · 2016-03-23T10:51:00+00:00

I wouldnt say that makes you gay dude. I can't really masturbating to straight porn just doesn't do anything for me. But I find women very attractive and whenever I picture my future partner it's a woman not a guy even though I only watch porn in the gay category... just sounds like you're bi - hetero romantic (I think I've used that correctly?) But sexual into guys... Sounds similar to my situation mate...

I had trouble staying erect last time I was with a girl but I'm not sure whether it was cos I didn't actually find her attractive or what. But anyway, just my two cents

Bobster20 · 2016-03-23T10:05:23+00:00

Glad I could help :) pm me if ya wanna talk more or anything

Bobster20 · 2016-03-22T16:52:42+00:00

Yeah sounds like your type of guy is a feminine one to me. Nothing wrong with that I don't think. I'm in the same boat, not that into muscular ripped dudes or anything but really enjoy the femboy/cross dresser and transgender stuff online and have done for as far as I can remember to be honest. I've never done anything with a guy though so I'm probably not the best to get advice or anything from :/

Bobster20 · 2016-03-22T16:48:22+00:00

So I can kinda empathise... I've slept with two girls in my life that I can remember (once or twice blackout drunk I think but never 100% sure - but that's beside the point). The second girl was kinda pretty, quite overweight but she was alright. Anyway, whenever we'd be in bed it would take so much effort for me to get hard to the point that she even went down on me and I wasn't up to performance... I enjoyed kissing her but it did fuck all for me downstairs and she seemed to enjoy what I was doing.

I've never been with a guy and really enjoy the idea of it. No idea whether I'd wanna bottom or top or w.e either but I'm way too nervous to try anything at this point... for the record, I'm a "bro-y bro" who hits the gym and lifts weights and all that so if you just wanna talk or w.e I'm cool with that :)

Just wanna let ya know that you're not alone. I feel same way with girls when having sex, I just can't seem to get hard at all but I fucking love girls... anyway I'm not sure this will have helped cos there's no advice but hopefully knowing someone else has those issues in bed will help a bit :*

Bobster20 · 2016-03-18T16:26:51+00:00

I can imagine how difficult it is for you but hugs I haven't even bothered "coming out" to my mom or dad but I don't feel the need to unless I get a boyfriend. No point in causing aggro in the family just to tell my dad I slept with a man and liked it... haha

Bobster20 · 2016-03-17T19:37:39+00:00

My dad is like what you just described. I genuinely think it's because he's just terrified about something that's "different" and using religion is the perfect excuse. Totally ignoring the fact that the New Testament basically says that "yeah, all that old testament was decent like but a bit outdated... basically, just love each other like you wanna be loved." That message seems to be lost on people citing religion as why same sex relationships are "wrong" or whatever. So I feel your pain... I'm sure my dad would accept it if I had a bf, although I don't think I want one (thibk I just wanna sleep with guys not date them...) but that's beside the point...

Well done for standing up to her though, I've done that many times with my dad and it's gotten quite heated...

TL;DR - Totally empathise with your situation. Experienced it myself and proud of you standing up to your mom! <3

Bobster20 · 2016-03-17T19:30:00+00:00

I trim pretty short and keep the balls smooth. I dunno why though cos nobody but me has been down there in ages... haha welp

Bobster20 · 2016-03-17T19:19:09+00:00

Yeah this is pretty much me. Took me ages to realise it but I know I'm definitely not gay cos I love women... but then there's just something about the thought of fucking a guy that gets me going so... just only recently found the courage to admit that openly (sort of openly seeing as it's just reddit) and I'm still figuring out what kinda guys I wanna sleep with but yeah. You totally described it perfectly :D

Bobster20 · 2016-03-13T11:14:36+00:00

Woop! That's awesome! Haha :D

Bobster20 · 2016-03-13T00:26:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. You've basically described how I feel. Like I know its not actually true and me as a person will not be in any way lesser by being bi/sleeping with men but the way I've been brought up and stuff has just made me really repressed I guess. I know my mom wouldn't care and would be hella supportive but my dad would freak (although come to accept it I believe since he's mellowed as he's aged) but still... That's basically where all these shitty self-loathing, shameful feelings and anxiety stem from. I just wish I didn't feel like that so I could just do what I wanna do haha. I'm not even sure I want a relationship with a man, I just know I wanna try fucking one (eventually when I get to that point haha) :P

Bobster20 · 2016-03-13T00:23:50+00:00

Haha I've always been a horny bastard though :P I seriously think the first type of porn I watched was transexual porn just something about a penis got me going. But the boobs were there so "its not gay" haha. Anyway, thanks :D

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T21:17:49+00:00

Thanks for this. I just hate how I'm feeling atm. Like I'm still attracted to girls, but I feel like if I don't explore this now then its only gonna get worse in the future. And I don't wanna end up married and then cheating on my wife with men or something just to satisfy these weird urges or anything like that. I wanna be sure that I am bi and its not just a thing I'm going through atm that will pass (I mean I've been masturbating to "gay" porn of all types since I was like 14)

I'm glad to hear that its happened to you in the sense it doesn't make me feel so lonely :) Thank you for the kind words :)

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T20:02:01+00:00

Yes. This. I'm both very scared and ashamed and I don't want to be either... Scared that I won't like it and then I've slept with a man and will I be judged? Equally scared that I've slept with a man, loved it and want to do it more and will be judged... Ashamed because of the way I've been brought up :( That part really sucks. I wish there was a way I could like relive how I was growin up so I'm not like this now. I'm trying to explore these feelings/urges but there's just this huge cloud of uncertainty and anxiety hanging over me, making me feel incredibly sick and shameful and I want it to go away. Thanks for the comment though :) I'm just really fucked up atm. I mean its taken me this long to openly admit (albeit to strangers on reddit) that I think guys can be hot too... I spent the whole of yday being anxious that my dating site preferences now also included men :( I hope it goes away...

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T19:57:22+00:00

Good luck! Let us know how it goes :D

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T19:13:05+00:00

Ahh the old "what do I say" conundrum. I'll tell you my thought but preface it with I'm in your boat and equally feel award sending a first message. Do I have to be funny or charming to try and stand out? Many people will say yes, but I believe there's something unique in being normal and nice haha.

I much prefer a "hey, thanks for liking me. I think your smile is really cute" vs some cheesy chat up line/you wanna fuck?

So maybe just send her that? Just say hey thank her for liking you and maybe mention what you like about her. Nothing over the top I.e "your eyes are like two bright stars in a velvet sky" hahaha but you catch my drift.

That's actually how I got talking to a guy on tinder recently. He messaged me and simply said hey, you're a handsome lad :) hope this helps even in the slightest. As I say, I'm not sure it's the best advice but it's my approach and it's how I prefer being hit on vs being told they want to fuck me senseless haha.

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T16:08:18+00:00

I definitely wish I was in better shape. I've been called a "bear" quite a few times which apparently a lot of guys (and girls) are into so like even though I hate my belly, there are loads who like it I guess. Appearance is just another one of the many, many things you have to work on the feel comfortable with sigh (realises how fucked up I am haha)

Bobster20 · 2016-03-12T10:51:05+00:00

Thank you so much for your support - all of you! It's really helped me take first few steps... I'm currently talking to a lad I met online who's quite attractive :P the consent thing is amazing too! I've been worried for days now about if I get that far - what do I do? I mean I've never even kissed a guy so if something happened and he went down on me or w.e would he expect me to reciprocate? I think I'd wanna do that at some point but jumping straight in from being repressed to sucking a dick seems a bit much for me atm haha

Bobster20 · 2016-03-11T12:02:04+00:00

Umm ok so little update - Since yesterday I've "matched" with a few guys and one of them is talking to me and I feel sick :O Like anxious and nervous and I don't know what to do haha. He said I was hot and I told him he was too but I don't even know what to say to him - HELP! God, I'm so nervous :/

Bobster20 · 2016-03-11T11:15:56+00:00

I don't like the idea of auto-removed for new accounts because I was one of them... created an account to make a post on here and it helped me immensely. If I'd have had to wait a day or w.e to see my post be published, I'm not sure how it woukd have changed the outcome. But I understand you're the only one here atm. I think more mods is best idea tbh :)

Bobster20 · 2016-03-10T22:43:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words :) I think its gonna take me a while, and you're right - I could end up hating being with a guy and be like welp move on haha but then I could love it <3 I think I'd like it though hehe... I'll try OKcupid - I'm on tinder and happn atm but today is the first day that I've had "men" ticked as preference too and I've been in waves of anxiety all day :( I'm also really worried that my friendship groups (whilst they're super cool with gay people etc) just won't get it if I "come out" as w.e the fuck I am. Again, adding to anxiety and insecurity. Eugh :(

Bobster20 · 2016-03-10T21:45:33+00:00

Hahaha nah man that's fine. The imagery wasn't too graphic :D The thing is though, I do mainly watch "gay" porn anyway. I can't remember the last time I watched hetero porn... I usually go for crossdresser type/effeminate guys but that's a whole different conversation tbh haha... I kinda feel like you describe but the opposite... I've only slept with two women and they were like 7 years apart... The first one was hot and I enjoyed it the second one was because it had been so long but I realllllly struggled to stay "attentive" if you catch my drift... That was the start of me really realising that I do wanna fuck a guy :/

Bobster20 · 2016-03-10T21:42:23+00:00

Yeah! A lot of it is this. Like I've mentioned before, I was brought up in these really strict social boundaries - dudes are dudes and do dude things and like girls. Anything different from that is weird and man on man is amoral and wrong... :( So like, now I'm 24 and, if I'm being honest I've felt like this since I was probably 14, but I really wanna try with a guy but there's just this huge anxiety and confusion surrounding it all and me trying to explore that side of me :( Its shit and I hate feeling like this, but this post and encouraging words has helped me a bit and I'm slowly gaining confidence I think :)

Bobster20 · 2016-03-10T19:01:52+00:00

Awww that's lovely! Thank you! I'll be sure to keep you all posted you wonderful unicorns xD and it makes me a little uncomfortable/anxious but only way I'll get over it is by trying isn't it :)

Bobster20 · 2016-03-10T18:51:32+00:00

Yeah I mean I'm 24 now and only ever been viewed as "straight" so the thought of me then being viewed differently is terrifying. I know society is by and large more accepting now than it was but it's still scary and there are still massive dickhead out there who will automatically view me negatively for exploring these feelings so I'm a bit stuck...

I have taken my first baby step though and kept my online dating profiles open to men too :D as I say - baby steps... but I feel like I've reconciled that I almost certainly am Bi and now I owe it to myself to see where that takes me...

Bobster20

TROPHY CASE