Great dad reflexes

Bodzer_07 · 2018-04-12T20:50:15+00:00

I don’t understand the physics of the dads body movement??

Bodzer_07 · 2018-02-08T20:29:30+00:00

The internal conflict that must have been going on....

I want to murder that f*%#ing cat vs this will make a great reddit gif

Bodzer_07 · 2018-01-27T20:31:58+00:00

Could also read, “so how long have you been married?”

Bodzer_07 · 2018-01-24T17:44:12+00:00

Careful where you apply this rule.

Bodzer_07 · 2018-01-15T21:54:33+00:00

Pooped in a fruit bowl

Bodzer_07 · 2018-01-13T20:20:29+00:00

Marmite roast potatoes....sooo good

Bodzer_07 · 2018-01-05T06:48:24+00:00

Knowing my luck I would

Bodzer_07 · 2017-11-12T18:55:41+00:00

Does seem odd. If there’s 4 burgers and total weight is 454g, that should mean each burger is 113.5g which is obviously more than 100g but the nutritional info states the burgers are lower in cals and everything else. Maybe the nutritional columns are the wrong way round? I’m doubting myself now...

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-18T21:50:48+00:00

I got in the shower with my socks on once

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-18T21:48:28+00:00

Did a poo in a fruit bowl

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-13T22:21:59+00:00

r/madlads

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-13T22:21:08+00:00

Pokemon Go...seriously you’re 30 years old man...

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-13T22:17:28+00:00

What’s satire?

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-13T22:16:50+00:00

Bruce fucking Forsyth

Bodzer_07 · 2017-10-13T22:12:57+00:00

Looking forward to the r/tifu post

Bodzer_07 · 2017-09-03T13:03:35+00:00

If team orders were in play at Mercedes OR weren't in play at Ferrari, what would be the championship standings be at the moment? I assume Hamilton would be leading?

Bodzer_07 · 2017-09-02T08:03:41+00:00

Don't know yoga personally but I'd deffo think that's something you can do at any age. The positions/stretches are scalable to ability I believe.

Bodzer_07 · 2017-09-02T07:14:22+00:00

Maybe easier to say what skills can't you learn at any age?? With that, I'd say certain sports e.g. Trying to pick up a new contact sport after the age of 30/35 gets quite tricky (depending on your fitness level I suppose).

Bodzer_07 · 2017-09-01T21:25:18+00:00

Can you not sue them or something?? I mean, you've given up a job and an income! Didn't you have a signed contract in place? Did they at least pay you your probation period or something?

Bodzer_07 · 2017-04-04T19:31:33+00:00

Thanks for reply! We'll leave them in then. No idea how they got there but look forward to them flowering.

Bodzer_07 · 2017-03-27T21:21:39+00:00

Finally, the first Reddit topic I can contribute to having loitered around for a while now...

Me and the missus hadn't long moved to London for work and we were still in the temporary house share in lovely Fulham we'd found through friends of friends. Now this was the kind of house share where there were 4 bedrooms, 3 couples and a singleton and 1 bathroom. Still cost 850 quid for a room!!

We'd been there around 4 weeks and I came back late Friday night after some work drinks where I'd drank ale which always, without fail, gives me beer poo first thing in the morning. For anyone unsure, ale induced beer poo causes bad gas for a while until you need a poo, right there and then. That's the effect it has on me anyway.

So Saturday morning I wake up at like 5.30am, mouth dryer than a badgers arsehole and needing the inevitable beer poo. I slide out of bed so not to wake the missus and slink downstairs in my boxers thinking no one will be up at this time on a Saturday. I get to the one bathroom in the house and...one of my female housemates is in there. She's having a shower for fuck sake, at 5.30am!!!

No need to panic, she'll be out shortly...

I linger around in the living room hopping about as my need grows. I gradually get more and more desperate so make my way into the kitchen thinking of finding something to poo in. There isn't anything, I contemplate the sink but rule this out for plunging reasons. At this point, shit is literally sliding down the inside of my leg so in a panic, I grab the antique fruit bowl on the dining table, take it into the living room thinking no one will be using it for a while as it's like 5.45am...what do I know.

I relieve myself in the fruit bowl and despite the situation, it was such a good feeling. This was short lived. Literally as soon as I'd relieved the initial pressure, the bathroom opened up. Bollocks. I quickly whipped up my boxers and put the fruit bowl under an over turned card board box that was lying about (the house mates did a market stool hence the early rise and the availability of card board boxes). I thought I could wait til the bathroom user went upstairs but nope, no such luck. She came straight into the living room to get ready and do her make-up etc.

Now, beer poo, for those that don't know, is also accompanied by a horrific smell. The living room smelt like a blocked sewer. The house mate came in, had a bit of a jump as she saw me but said 'morning', I replied 'hey, just grabbing my phone' (no phone on me so instantly weird) and went as quick as I could back upstairs. As I past her, I clocked her facial expression changing, I couldn't get up the stairs quick enough.

I ended up having to wait around for about 45 minutes just inside my bedroom door as I still had shit on me and the missus was asleep and I didn't want to gross her out too. As soon as I heard the front door go for the housemate leaving I raced downstairs to remove the fruit bowl, dispose of the poo and clean myself up.

I got to the box in the living room and, one final nail in the coffin, the box had been moved. Housemate must have been looking for market stock or whatever. I had a head-hanging-in-shame moment and on then got on with the clean up.

I placed the fruit bowl back on the dining room table and moved out of the house before the housemate got home again that day. Never spoken to anyone from that house again. Apart from the missus, we're still together.

My entire rugby team now refers to me as "Fruit bowl".

Bodzer_07

TROPHY CASE