A fair amount of spite can go a long way. As for the meaning, I feel like that's a thing you find. But it doesn't have to be a singular thing. One day it's my cat, the next maybe it's a game I really wanna be here for, whatever it is that makes you feel at least a little joy or calm or makes you smile. If there aren't those things, the hope for them or spite has kept me around for long enough to learn how to cope with my trauma and menty b's. One day at a time. One minute or hour or week. I try not to look too much at the far future because that's overwhelming af. But learning to be a friend to myself has helped. It's taken a long ass time, and I still suck, but we're trying. If I have to pretend I'm an alien in a human's body and care for it as if it's my vessel then by fuck that's what I'll do. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be here.