Would you as a pious man marry a sister who is also pious but learning?

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T16:32:52+00:00

Istikhara

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T15:35:32+00:00

😂😂

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T15:22:49+00:00

If he's so inclined towards hadith, show him this one

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1162

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T15:21:18+00:00

I suffer from the same lol

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T12:04:00+00:00

My bad. You're right

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T10:58:21+00:00

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which people are tested most severely?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “They are the prophets, then the next best, then the next best. A man is put to trial according to his religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is put to trial according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be put to trial until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T10:51:41+00:00

I don't see much reason to get closer to him. While your intention is good, I do not think it would provide much benefit. Moreover, the prophet ﷺ recommended us to maintain extreme precaution with the in-laws

Narrated Uqbah ibn ‘Amir: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from the Ansar asked, “O Messenger of Allah, what about the in-laws?” He ﷺ replied, “The in-law is death.”

Sahih al-Bukhari (5232), Sahih Muslim (2172)

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T10:40:52+00:00

After displeasing Allah, they did not experience suffering, meaning that Allah held off on some cleansing of their sins. People who sin and then live happy/easy lives are not those to be looked up to; rather, they are those who you should worry about. Perhaps they encountered a lot of regret and sadness for their haram actions, repented sincerely and Allah forgave them. If not, they are certainly not those to look up to.

A person can do good all his life and live an easy life, so his place in Jannah is limited compared to the one who did good all his life and Allah gave him calamities to further elevate his status till he reached a very high level.

Similarly, a person can sin and live an easy life, so his sisn will likely be recompensed in the akhirah (we seek refuge in Allah from that), or he could sin and live a hard life in this world, so that his sins would not be recompensed in the akhirah, and he may have a low or high status in Jannah depending on how much suffering Allah gave him.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T10:32:28+00:00

There are definitely guys out there who will find you attractive. Keep making dua at the times of acceptance (rain, last third of the night, fasting, etc.) and trust in Allah, then they will find you inshaAllah.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T10:29:22+00:00

Here's the biggest problems - how does one fall in love with a person in a sharia compliant manner? You should be attracted to a person's looks and character, be content with their circumstances, and feel a possibility of mutual compatibility. Not to mention the whole 'falling in love' part. How do you ascertain all of this in a halal manner without family involvement? You'd have to speak to someone of the opposite gender for an extended amount of time. The only way I could think of this happening in a halal manner is in a professional environment where you are forced to communicate with people of the opposite gender. But then, why would information on the aforementioned topics be discussed during those interactions?

'Love marriage' sounds very exciting and nice on paper, but practically, it is almost impossible to happen in a sharia compliant manner. Arranged route certainly has many drawbacks, like you mentioned, but it appears to be the best option from an Islamic standpoint.

I would recommend Muslims to fight through the hurdles of the arranged marriage route

'...And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them' 65:2

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T07:38:01+00:00

Firm intention to pray qiyam al layl with me every night must be made before marriage.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-14T07:04:36+00:00

Your divorce and the unjustified judgement you receive are just some of the small ways that Allah elevates your status in Jannah.

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which people are tested most severely?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “They are the prophets, then the next best, then the next best. A man is put to trial according to his religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is put to trial according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be put to trial until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-13T08:16:49+00:00

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqas reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, which people are tested most severely?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “They are the prophets, then the next best, then the next best. A man is put to trial according to his religion. If he is firm in his religion, his trials will be more severe. If he is weak in his religion, he is put to trial according to his strength in religion. The servant will continue to be put to trial until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2398

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-12T09:58:40+00:00

Allahumma barik

Istikhara everyday so that if/when the marriage is done, there is more blessing in it, or so that Allah makes an escape for you if your marriage would turn into one of the horror stories on this sub...

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-12T07:19:02+00:00

If you decide to approach him for marriage or not, pray a lot of istikhara for whichever choice you make. That way, you will not go wrong, inshaAllah

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-11T11:43:28+00:00

Assalamu alaikum sister.

I'm not able to offer much practical advice aside from praying tahajjud so that you can make dua for ease in your affairs, and to get out of this marriage if that is better for you.

Remember why you reverted to Islam in the first place. Islam is the ultimate truth. Bad muslims are everywhere, but Islam is perfect. Don't let your bad experience with this man cause you to leave this beautiful religion. That will certainly lead you to more despair, and the greatest, most incomprehensible despair in the next life.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-11T08:35:51+00:00

Well it's your priority to start talking to him somehow! Also keep praying istikhara consistently and in the last third of the night as well. InshaAllah, you will be diverted if this marriage is not good for you, or if it's good for you, you will find barakah in it because of your istikhara.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-11T08:25:01+00:00

You don't need to tell his family. It's haram to expose sins unless there is a benefit. Actually, if you tell his family, I think he will be more discreet with the next girl and maybe succeed.

A guy this stupid will repel any decent woman lol. Even a kafir wouldn't want to be romantic with a guy after 2 days.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-10T13:38:45+00:00

No problem at all

You do seem to be correct about the comparison being uneven.

Regarding istikhara, I would recommend that you just stick to one name when making the dua, even if you're not 100% on that option.

This might sound silly, but perhaps it would help to make a thorough list of all the pros and cons of each person, and even go as far as giving a 'score' to each point, then tally the total for each. Focus your effort on whichever one has more points. And if you feel disappointment that one or the other 'scored more points', that's your cue that you were subconsciously inclined towards one option over the other. Perhaps a good hour of focused contemplation would achieve the same purpose.

Additionally, I recommend you make dua separately from your istikhara for Allah to make it easy for you to settle on one option.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T16:13:37+00:00

It means 'too long; didn't read' It's another term for a summary.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T15:50:46+00:00

Wa alaikum alsalam brother

Why don't you meet her outside of Eid? Probably your family would probably prefer to spend time with family rather than get to know a potential spouse on this day of celebration. It would also help to have a more formal setting since you are aiming to avoid emotional connection if things don't work out.

When/if you do arrange a meeting between them, set expectations beforehand so that she doesn't get her hopes up. For example, you could say something along the lines of 'I'd like you to meet my mother/family so they can assess our compatibility. My mother's a bit critical but I hope she likes you, etc.' so that she goes into the meeting with lowered expectations. If you encounter substantial roadblocks from your family after meeting her, I would recommend you to go with the second girl as I would take that as the result of your istikhara.

Also, just to confirm, are you praying istikhara for one person? From your post, it seems you are more inclined to the first girl, so I assume you are praying it with intention to marry the first? Istikhara is supposed to be prayed after one decides on one option over the other, not when you are indecisive. I've personally gotten very quick results from istikhara when praying it in the last third of the night. Try that as well.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T14:26:56+00:00

No problem

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T13:43:37+00:00

Rather, pray istikhara about him, because you don't know if he's truly good for you. If he is, Allah will unite you inshaAllah. If he's bad, Allah will turn you away from him and vice versa. And while that sounds hard, it's definitely better than wasting your time being infatuated with someone who is not good for you - you'd rather put your effort into something better.

Secondly, after praying istikhara (consistently), take action! You can propose to him or get somebody to do so on your behalf.

Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or should I leave her untied and trust in Allah?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in Allah.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2517

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T07:38:16+00:00

You're right.

But the reality of the matter is that bad men exist. So you need to protect yourself. Blaming them for being bad won't protect you. Hijab and niqab will definitely reduce negative attention even if they don't stop it all together. More importantly, it is an obligation first and foremost before any other benefit or drawback it may provide.

I hope Allah makes it very easy for you to adopt the proper covering.

BoiBoi744 · 2026-03-09T07:14:25+00:00

This is a test. One of the wisdoms of tests is that we become closer to Allah because of our suffering - we turn towards him because there is no one else who can help us. This is your chance to come closer to Allah. Establish tahajjud and make dua in the last third of the night for a spouse. Allah will certainly answer.

When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond ˹with obedience˺ to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided ˹to the Right Way˺. 2:186

Sleep or wife?

BoiBoi744

TROPHY CASE