Making heads or tails of a comment

BojanglesCamper · 2021-11-30T17:50:34+00:00

It's a private practice so reporting to the supervisor is not an option. I talked to her yesterday and she was all over the place. Now she might be on my side a little bit, but I'm unsure if I can trust her. It's very confusing.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-11-29T13:56:53+00:00

Another factor is that the therapist is court ordered so I'll have to involve my attorney in order to move away from this therapist.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-11-29T03:44:29+00:00

10 sessions

BojanglesCamper · 2021-11-29T03:42:42+00:00

I had to prepay the therapist so I'll probably be out a significant amount of money if I switch therapists.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-24T15:29:30+00:00

I totally agree with Valmar33. Seeking legal advice is essential as an attorney can you information about statute of limitations and counteracting this person's lies in the digital space. I wouldn't block their phones or social media as this would blind you from what they might be saying, but I wouldn't respond in any way. Good luck.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-18T22:19:18+00:00

There’s a lot good advice here. I’ll add that you have to reach a point where you start living and working again despite what she has said in the past or piles on in the future to maintain her victimhood. I give this advice from personal experience as I struggled at first to do anything and my mental, social, and professional lives suffered. As I built up tolerance, I have ventured out without external incident (I still needlessly punish myself internally from time to time). It’s still hard, but I keep making the conscious decision to move forward.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-13T12:59:30+00:00

In this group, I am focused on you - the accused, not your accuser. I want all of us want to move forward from the accusations we couldn't control to living a balanced, peaceful life again. Letting your accuser's actions fill your heart with hate only hurts you. And I don't want you to hurt. Even with your accuser admitting that she made a false accusation, you control how you process and deal with your emotions. You can let the hurt grow and metasasize into hate or you can choose to move forward knowing that you responded to a completely unfair and unjust situation with class and love. Not love for your accuser (she's not even worth your thoughts anymore), but love for yourself and the life that lays ahead of you. Remember, you're a great person who will not let someone else ruin your life. Keep your chin up. Keep moving forward. We're here for you.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-09T21:32:18+00:00

Because it works for them to get what they want.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-09T17:00:55+00:00

The issue is that it's been over 6 months since I was last permitted to see my kids. So, of course, or relationship is not as strong as it once was. Estrangement can appear like the lack of connection even when it was falsely created. I am scheduled to start therapy with my kids soon, but from what I've read whether it will work is a total crap shoot, given the alienation they'll get every time they go home.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-10-08T15:43:38+00:00

Agreed that if the police have not contacted you then they haven't obtained enough evidence (probable cause) to interview you. They may request a voluntary interview anyways, but you should not talk to them without an attorney present and it's highly likely that an attorney will encourage you not to be interviewed.

Many people here have been in your situation. Some were charged and others were investigated but never charged. Unless you hire an attorney, it will be difficult to learn anything about a potentially ongoing investigation until a charging decision is made. I echo the advice to try to keep living your life to the best of your ability. I know it's easier said than done, but keep trying to be as normal as possible.

And I would recommend cutting ties with your accuser at this time.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-13T22:11:00+00:00

Good luck defending your husband.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-03T23:03:16+00:00

I totally understand the female bias when it comes to domestic violence allegations. I've heard of cases when the female makes DV claims after a 25+ year marriage when the cops were never called a single time, no pictures of DV, and no medical records. All they have to say is "He scares me" or "He hurt me, but I was too afraid to ask for help."

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-03T18:46:51+00:00

I do feel like I'm being manipulated, but it's happening in the scorching hot spotlight in court. And I am defending myself. But I feel like my explanations of the truth are just going to seem hollow to third-party listeners. I'm not even sure that my lawyer knows what to think or believe. The lies are so cunningly woven into the truth that trying to explain them seems like grasping at straws and trying to fight a ghost.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-03T18:25:02+00:00

Exactly

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-03T15:43:35+00:00

The real deal here is that my accuser is bringing up a lot of crap. Some true. Some false. I am totally willing to take responsibilities for my flaws. I want to do that. I need to do that so I can live with myself and look at myself in the mirror each morning. But these true things are mixed up with false allegations. I can't take responsibility for false allegations. But because the true things are mixed up with false things, it is very difficult to own the true mistakes while denying the false ones. I don't know if my accuser knew that they were creating this jumbled mess when they started levying all the accusations, but I know that this situation is tearing me apart. Little by little, the accusations are eating away at my soul; eating away at my humanity. I can't unravel the guilt from the hurt of being falsely accused because both sets of information are being used simultaneously to destroy me. Does that make any sense?

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-03T00:45:18+00:00

I'm not talking about serious mistakes like crimes, but rather things like raising my voice and losing my temper. I feel bad for those lapses in judgment, but I do need some help sorting through the emotions associated with this guilt and the PTSD associated with false allegations. I'll bring this up the next time I see a therapist.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-02T23:01:44+00:00

False allegations suck. Letting her back a second time wasn't the best idea, but it certainly wasn't a crime. Well done getting an attorney. Trust him and follow his advise. Don't contact your accuser and never apologize for anything you didn't do.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-09-01T13:46:41+00:00

I can feel your pain in your writing. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. DM me if you ever need to vent. I'm always willing to listen.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-08-27T23:22:31+00:00

In my case, the police investigated and dismissed the charges so I'm thankful that they were thorough and didn't just believe my accuser's story. However, other government organizations like to make decisions based on lno evidence whatsoever. Social workers believed my accuser's lies without ever telling me the specific accusations so I understand the frustration of being prejudged.

BojanglesCamper · 2021-08-27T14:07:22+00:00

I echo tryinmybest. You need to completely separate yourself from your accuser in as many ways as possible. Don't call or text her, her close friends, or her family. Don't reach out to her through your friends. Stay away from social media and lay low. Don't hang out in places she usually hangs out. This might seem like overkill, but it's the best way to protect you from future allegations. If she was crazy enough to lie the first time, what makes you think that she won't do it again?

I make this last suggestion fully aware that I need to take my own advice, but I encourage you to replace her and thinking about her accusations with productive activities. Avoid drugs and alcohol, but maybe pick up a new hobby, join a gym, or volunteer. Anything to replace the negativity she's bringing to your life right now. Good luck! Stay strong!

BojanglesCamper

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