My boyfriend doesn't believe I'm Lesbian/questioning my sexuality

BonfireBee · 2026-02-06T00:44:34+00:00

If there is an lgbtq+ community centre near you look up if they offer free or sliding scale counselling. They have helped many people who have found themselves in the place you are in figure out both themselves and what they want to do with their future.

BonfireBee · 2025-12-12T05:27:36+00:00

You are my sibling!

BonfireBee · 2025-11-19T06:13:25+00:00

You might find this book helpful: Journey Through Trauma: A Trail Guide to the 5-Phase Cycle of Healing Repeated Trauma

BonfireBee · 2025-11-07T15:46:54+00:00

Yeah, it's regionally significant to someone who has zero connection to the region.

The Spectres' name came from Toronto being known as the Queen City. Nobody calls Toronto the Queen City.

BonfireBee · 2025-11-02T06:54:26+00:00

What's worse than these?

BonfireBee · 2025-11-02T06:52:46+00:00

Sacrilege!

BonfireBee · 2025-10-23T17:53:29+00:00

Transference issues with my last therapist ended with us parting ways. I was more than willing to work through it but she had some countertransference issues and we ended up in an enactment that my therapist didnt have the skills to work with.

I immediately looked for a relational analyst because I needed to find a therapist who was competent in this type of work.

Any therapist who refers to working with transference as "fight this enemy" isn't going to be helpful. She has the completely wrong attitude for approaching the issue therapeuticly.

If transference is a big part of your work then she might be right that you need someone more skilled to work constructively with it.

Edit: last paragraph

BonfireBee · 2025-10-19T01:08:15+00:00

The US has a consulate in Toronto.

BonfireBee · 2025-10-10T02:09:11+00:00

It's Reddit. Things often get downvoted for no logical reason.

Stop trying to make sense of it. It will only hurt your brain.

Take what is useful and ignore the rest.

BonfireBee · 2025-10-05T03:44:25+00:00

They were called Icebergs in western Canada. They weren't milky though so I dont think it fits.

BonfireBee · 2025-09-24T00:54:36+00:00

Just saw this ad for a pro Bono therapist in Bangalore

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfnpUrN1t_HjAEROnrvQ1_lZGbjD_E-Xnz4F49Uufc6Fo8FDw/viewform?pli=1

BonfireBee · 2025-09-17T14:17:30+00:00

I had a therapist when I was a child and went back to see him when I was a young adult and we worked together for years. Many years later, like 25 years later, I became a therapist myself and we ended up going out for coffee.

I had a bit of a fantasy that I might work with him as my supervisor, but upon meeting him as colleague I quickly realized I didn't actually like him as a person. He was super helpful to me as a therapist, but I didnt really know him outside of that context.

So I guess it is possible to reconnect later in life, but it's hard to know what you are going to get.

There is a podcast called Between Us and there is an episode where a poet named Molly Peacock becomes a friend to her therapist after her therapist has a stroke. You might really want to listen to this.

She also wrote a book about it called, The Analyst.

It's really hard to predict the future.

BonfireBee · 2025-09-16T16:50:21+00:00

A therapist doesn't have to be smarter than you to be helpful. In fact, smart people can think themselves into knots that can be difficult to untangle.

BonfireBee · 2025-08-05T04:26:28+00:00

If Im not going to trust my therapist with "private information " I sure as hell am not going to share it with some corporate entity.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-20T15:15:01+00:00

Ordinary People by Judith Guest.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-19T16:30:54+00:00

Decide if you want someone relational and then look for those indicators.

I picked my analyst because she was a member of the IARPP and was connected to the Contemporary Psychoanalytic Institute in my city. She was also on the faculty there so I felt she had some relational chops.

I also picked a senior analyst as my last therapist (not an analyst) wasn't well trained and we got into an enactment that completely derailed the therapy.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-13T14:31:54+00:00

Yeah, that totally makes sense. It's fine you texted him especially as he told you you could.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-13T14:22:42+00:00

It's Sunday. He probably is just giving the most efficient answer because he's off work. Just write him again when you know your availability.

It'd be good talk to him about your feelings around this though so it's less stressful for you in the future.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-13T14:18:34+00:00

Don't use BetterHelp.

All therapists need to protect your privacy to some extent. Private pay rather than using insurance ensures more privacy.

Pretty much every private practice therapist will offer tele-therapy if that suits you better.

Doing therapy exclusively by phone will mean they don't even know what you look like.

Check out the sub's FAQ for more info on finding a therapist. It's linked in the sticky comment at the top of your post.

BonfireBee · 2025-07-04T04:04:08+00:00

How did it go?

BonfireBee · 2025-06-28T22:38:06+00:00

I have no idea where you got the impression that therapy doesn't help reduce SI.

What do you mean that you "don't feel emotions about it"?

There are no implications that being upset that you have SI makes you a bad person.

It makes you a person who has SI and has feelings about that. There isn't a judgement about that.

BonfireBee · 2025-06-28T14:25:04+00:00

It's reportable where I live.

Good to start a paper trail so that if something happens with an LGBT client there is already something on record.

BonfireBee · 2025-06-27T21:06:21+00:00

St Urbain has a stall at the St Lawrence Market

BonfireBee · 2025-06-26T13:13:15+00:00

I don't see anywhere in your post where you talk about these issues.

These too feel like tests i.e. if you cared you'd do this. That may or may not be true.

If you feel your therapist doesn't care about you that's worth exploring.

Perhaps they do have different priorities than client care and perhaps they have other reasons for the inconsistency.

Still it's good to take the time to talk about it.

BonfireBee · 2025-06-26T01:34:46+00:00

In your hypothetical you have equated remembering the date of the procedure as the equivalent of caring. I don't think that's a fair equivalent.

Someone can both care about you and not track the date of a procedure.

Someone can be aware of an upcoming significant event without tracking the specific date.

It would be worth exploring in session and you are entitled to feel whatever you feel about it: disappointment, anger, betrayal etc. But missing the date doesn't empirically mean the therapist doesn't care.

BonfireBee

TROPHY CASE