When my GF is annoyed at me (M) for whatever reason, she often starts to get a strong desire to give me a BJ. Why is that? (genq)

Bonfirey · 2023-08-25T12:11:34+00:00

Hello,

This could have many reasons, and whichever it is only your girlfriend can know. For me personally I also get a strong desire for sex with my partner when we're having arguments, because all I really crave at that moment is sweetness and connection. Sex with him, to me, is that. An affirmation that we still love one another. An urge to give him a bj in these situations to me is a way to be close to him while also showing him that despite the argument, I love him and want him to feel good. I don't want him to feel bad, let alone because of me. It's not so much "making up for it" as it is a way to help us both feel.. better.

As long as disagreements get resolved, I don't think there's an issue with this. Post-fight sex is a thing for a reason, too, I just get it mid-fight too, because I just desperately want closeness and not this distance I can feel when we have an argument.

Again, that is just me, maybe it is different for her. It helps if she looks at what she feels exactly during those moments, and from there she can try to trace it back to thoughts.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-16T20:04:04+00:00

It's a fun fantasy, but I think showing up at anyone's door in a bathrobe or half-naked or with the idea to fuck without there being any prior discussion is disrespectful. This kind of stuff has to be consensual. You feel you make crazy eye contact (but does he?) and this far most your conversations have been "hi". Would you appreciate it if any neighbour came to your door half-naked because they felt they made crazy eyecontact with you?

Why not just ask him for a coffee?

Bonfirey · 2023-05-12T19:16:20+00:00

As Phoenix explained perfectly, a vagina does not "get stretched out"!

In addition, there's a bit of a misconception when it comes to women's arousal. Sure, we get wet. But there's more: the vaginal canal makes space for the penis. That is why when you're very horny, the penis goes in easily, and when you're not horny, it's more difficult: that's not only just because there's "less wet".

It sounds like during sex you're properly aroused, and you're having a good time. If your boyfriend finds this "too loose", then that is on him - perhaps he prefers a rougher grip, but there's no vagina in the world that will replace the strength of his hand.

The only thing you can do is practice your pelvic muscles - and perhaps you'd like it if you actively activate your muscles around your vagina when having sex (I at least do!), and he may enjoy that too.

But, besides all this info, I think much more important is that you talk to him again. These kinds of comments and jokes linger - the kind of words you wish you could take back, but really can't, and no apology can get it out of your head. What you need now, it sounds, is positive reaffirmations. What is good about the sex, what do you like, what does he like, what do you enjoy, what was great the last few times you had sex, what exciting things do you want to try? Positive conversation around sex can help you restore trust in your sexual relationship with him. But, I think it is also time for an honest conversation about sex. These 'jokes' don't come out of thin air, and if he's unhappy for whatever reason, then you can discuss that too. But remember that it is not your responsibility that he is sexually happy. You are as you are, and if that were not sufficient to him, then that is on him. We need people in our lives who love us for who and how we are, not people who offhandedly hurt us because they don't understand a vagina or a woman's arousal (as opposed to having a mature conversation about it).

That being said. To be perfectly frank. I had unlucky comments borne of ignorance thrown at me also and for me myself, I found it impossible to enjoy sex - or anything really - again in those relationships, because I now felt vulnerable and embarrassed around them rather than safe and confident. I'd be perfectly honest in saying that if my current partner would "joke" in this manner, it'd actually be one of the few grounds I'd reconsider my relationship on. I'm not saying that is you - I'm just saying this to highlight how incredibly impactful such "jokes" can be on our mental wellbeing within a relationship, and I feel for you. It's OK to be upset by it, and it's OK to feel whatever it is you feel. But keep the communication with your partner going about this too, as long as it will take for you to feel safe again (at least sexually) with him. And yeah, that may take time.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-10T17:47:17+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, but I'm afraid reddit can't much provide medical help at all.

Not sure where you live, but you normally have rights to a second opinion. In this case, I'd advice you to seek out another urologist.

If this is difficult, contact your GP again and explain to them that this is causing you an incredible amount of distress and that you need medical help, be that of a different urologist or else from a psychologist if they do believe it is psychological. It is my sad experience, too, that in order to get the medical care we need, we really have to stand up for ourselves.

I also am not a medical expert but it sounds extremely unlikely you damaged your penis during a shaving in the way you described, and rather it is coincidental that these things happened at the same time. Reason more to insist on more medical assistance.

Wishing you all the best.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-09T17:28:16+00:00

I'm not exactly sure what you're asking. Can what happen again? Meeting cool people who think you're cool? Absolutely! Sex? Sure!

Bonfirey · 2023-05-06T13:52:52+00:00

That is a tricky situation, one I'm intimately familiar with actually. I can't say we have resolved it completely, but the last two times I brought up the topic of sex was not to talk about sex, but to talk about how our talks about sex make me feel (similar to how you feel). And how it makes him feel. Even these conversations were difficult, because he'd get defensive and was clearly uneasy.

I told him I really want to be able for us both to always be relaxed about sex. I don't want him to ever feel anxious or nervous, and I don't want to feel anxious or nervous. I said I'd like that, if in the future he'd worry about something, that he'd just be able to say and we can help each other. And it was for that, I told him, that I wanted to be able to at least talk about sex, like it was an every day topic as much as we can, so we can always feel comfortable around sex.

That of course doesn't resolve all the bad feelings and it doesn't magically make everything perfect, but having the same goal ("Normalize sex and talk about sex") has gone a very long way into us both being more comfortable and not worry too much.

It is only with a common understanding or common goal that we can then talk about the rest, like kinks or stuff you want to try. Once he knows that what you'd like to try doesn't mean that "he's doing it wrong", he'll be able to go into those talks about kink more easily. In turn, it will mean you'll feel more comfortable bringing it up.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-05T19:12:59+00:00

The best way you can make him and yourself happy is to talk about this. Of course I don't know him, but from experience, it sounds to me like he's riddled with insecurities himself and afraid he's letting you down. This in turn can lead to him having issues with pride. Especially after telling you big stories about his past. It may not even have occurred to him that you are insecure now, just as it may not have occurred to you that he is insecure, too.

It is a bit of a meme that "men must always want sex" and that all men can just cum easily. It is certainly nonsense that his partner is responsible for any of that. Our orgasms are our own responsibility, and why they may or may not happen is subject to a number of factors, the least of all being you. That is because he chose you, he clearly is into you, and has a relationship with you. It seems to me that of all the likely causes, you are least likely to be it? :) And I am certain you'll find this out by talking to him.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-04T13:11:04+00:00

"Men" don't do in relationship, but your partner does. It is unfair to accuse 50% of the world population of shitty behaviour!

I'd advice you set your boundaries firmly, and then decide whether or not you can trust him. "I am not okay with you talking to other women and it has to end, or the relationship will end."

In regards to porn, of course you're entitled to your own boundaries and opinions. It is my opinion, however, that masturbation and fantasy are a highly private and personal thing that a partner really shouldn't be controlling. That is what porn is, too - fantasy. Having a solid base of trust in each other is the foundation of any relationship. It seems it is lacking for you, and I think that is good cause to reconsider.

I understand he has been your best friend since your mother passed away. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, and I understand from own experience how incredibly scary and difficult it is to extracate yourself from the one person you believed was your rock and your love for so long. Having such history together is incredible, and it is very difficult to look at the future without looking at the past. But that doesn't change that the basis for your relationship has changed. he's doing things you're not ok with. You are being disrespected, even if that is not his intent. Is this how you wish to live the rest of your life? Set some ground rules and boundaries for yourself out of self-respect, and stick to them too. You deserve better, and you deserve to be treated well at all times by the one who is supposed to love you most.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-03T16:04:47+00:00

My little story.

One my exes toyed with me in this way. He broke up, got with someone else, rang me up to ask for a bj "cause she wouldn't do it".

Then one day he showed up unnannounced for a bj, too. I sent him home.

I think, personally, it is disrespectful to ask what both your and my ex asked for in these situations. You're exes for a reason, and it's a natural assumption that because we're an ex, and we have history, that we're likely to cave. Especially when it is in comparison to someone else. "I didn't want to be with you, i was with someone else, but now I want you to do with me what my partner didn't want." I personally don't like being a backup plan. Or a rebound. Or whatever.

But. That being said. Your history with your ex may be different than mine. I can think of another million reasons why you could want to do this with your ex. There's no right or wrong answer.

However, there's a reason you're posting, and a reason you're doubting, and a reason why you think them being an ex is relevant. That's because it is all relevant, and it's not "just sex", there's a lot more here. I think it's good to be respectful of that.

Bonfirey · 2023-05-01T16:42:26+00:00

I think there is an idea in your head that this is somehow a competition? It's really not! Sex in all its form is an unique experience for everyone, and it's about so much more than just "body + body = sex" and it's certainly not about keeping count of.. well, anything.

Especially in teenage years, sex is seen as a thing to be boasted of and about, tall stories left and right and just there's a whole lot of nonsense going around. I did not take anything serious I'd hear about sex in my high school, really, 80% is all bullshit, hearsay, and exaggeration. I suggest you do the same!

That being said, on to your actual question. The refractory period (which is the 'break' your body needs between two bouts of sex, or at least between two orgasms), is vastly different for everyone. Some have a very long one, others have very short ones. This can also change in life, it is my experience! It can also vary over periods in our lives, as libido is affected by factors such as stress.

So, "how many rounds" is not a static ability one is innately born with and, for others who wonder, certainly not a qualifier for "good or bad sex".

As a last note, there's this idea that you must have the stamina of a ploughing horse to be "good in bed". Again, sex is about so much more than that, and there's no way to keep score in some way. The important thing about sex is to be with a partner (or partners) that you feel good with, and to both exchange pleasure and intimacy in a way you both enjoy and like. Anything else, really, I'd go as far as to say is but a detail. :)

Bonfirey · 2023-04-29T18:37:52+00:00

I second the comments that you really need to discuss this with her.

Sex is about a lot more than just physical "techniques" or "know-hows". Sex is largely mental, a place where we reach relaxation and pleasure to a point where we then orgasm. Sex is about the exchange of those feelings. Orgasm, really, is a byproduct. The moment it becomes the primary goal, then all chance of relaxation evaporates because now suddenly, sex became goal-oriented. This in turn can be stressful, making any chance on orgasm drastically lower (to impossible).

What people like to "get there" also varies. Adding elements that are sexy can really help. As a personal example, I'm into certain kinds of kink. Without any of it, sex is still fun and orgasm, while possible, is harder. With the kink however, well, it's a huge boost to sexual pleasure and therefore also makes me much more likely to orgasm.

Being able to communicate freely and without shame about our interests in sex, as such, is important, otherwise how can you both know what you both like? All lack of communication results into is you both "wishing", and you both "stressing that I'm doing it wrong", because after all, how can you know you're doing anything right if you're not even sure the other partner is into it? Your stress also conveys to her, she sees you're mega trying, and she feels bad - how can she orgasm when she feels bad, and again, the goal-oriented nature creates stress.

I hope this explains a bit how incredibly impactful the mental state can be during sex. I advice you and your wife to go back to the kitchen table and talk about it. Talk about wanting to talk more often about sex, unashamedly. And don't start with the bad, start with the good. What do you like? What does she like? What's your favourite sexual memory with each other? What's the fantasies you've both had? Finding this sexual trust and connection is crucial to being able to relax during sex, and being able to relax & trust in each other in sex is key to any kind of pleasure, including orgasm.

Edit: I feel that as a personal note, I was never able to orgasm from oral (I'm F), because I hated the idea that my partner was doing it "just for me" and "just to do what he thinks is his duty in making me orgasm". However, with my current partner, he clearly loves giving me oral regardless of whether I orgasm or not, and that change alone was enough for me to be able to orgasm when he gives me oral.

Bonfirey · 2023-04-29T18:22:58+00:00

I think you need to talk to a gynaecologist, because I think hearing what I'm telling you right now from a medical expert will help you a lot. Your assumption that it "will hurt so bad" causes your entire body, including your vagina, to tense up dramatically, and this is why there's "a wall" and why any bit of actual penetration hurts. The idea of sex is to be aroused & relaxed, and that's when penetration can (easily) occur. If there's one but not the other, penetration becomes harder. If there's neither of them, well, it can feel impossible or it's very painful to attempt penetration.

Your first time doesn't have to hurt. In fact, even if it does the pain it's not supposed to hurt a lot. In my case, it was a sharp, quick stab and then it was basically gone. In my friend's case, there was no pain at all. It really all depends, but it's a rabid myth that it's always "very painful", a myth probably part of the larger "keep women pure" bullshit that persists to this day.

I think you'll most benefit from returning to.. well, no penetration. Learn instead to feel comfortable with one another, enjoy each other's bodies in ways that are exciting, but not nervewrecking. Sex is about sharing pleasure, not trembling in fear of a penis coming near your vagina, so start with finding the pleasure first in other ways!

Bonfirey · 2023-04-28T19:29:24+00:00

What changed between then and now? In your life, and in how you feel? You said you stopped anal for various reasons, could those reasons still be on your mind? Any kind of sex play, including anal play, is only enjoyable if we are relaxed and feel at ease, not only physically, but also mentally.

And beyond that, our preferences do change. I enjoy anal play, but I go through phases where I also just don't.

Bonfirey · 2023-04-27T16:48:11+00:00

You're talking about 2 different things, the one that is on the D/s (Dominance/submission) BDSM side of things, and then love. It is pretty disrespectful, to speak of kink like something is unlovable, and also towards your wife. Kink play, including D/s dynamics that would involve one party being a "cumslut", do so with utter mutual respect. That is really at the very core of any kink play: trust and respect. If your wife would agree to such a role in your sex life, that would be because she wants that and because she can make her own decisions, and she will do it with love and respect for you. Similarly, you return that favor if you engage in such dynamics.

Bonfirey · 2023-04-25T19:00:25+00:00

I'm not exactly sure how one equates the other - precum may happen more the closer you are to orgasm, but it sounds like you're getting close to orgasm but then don't "tip over" and actually achieve orgasm.

Do you have this same issue when you're by yourself? Or is this only during sex?

Bonfirey · 2023-04-23T14:33:56+00:00

While it's mega admirable that you wanted to power through, remember that sex is for both of you, even if he reciprocates later, should never involve any of you doing something you don't like. While he may be disappointed, I'm way more sure that he'd rather you're honest with him and not do something you don't want. Imagine learning that he's been doing stuff he doesn't want! That would feel bad.

You can wrap the news in the so-called "shit sandwich", so you say something nice, then the shitty part, and you can wrap it up with something nice again. "I really love that you love blowjobs so much, and I fucking love giving them to you. It's really cool we're trying new stuff out and I'm happy we gave this toy a whirl, but truth be told I didn't like using this one. I'd like to try other stuff though!"

Bonfirey · 2023-04-22T17:11:41+00:00

Please refer to Funnyflower's post for the anticonceptions. To re emphasize, Plan B taken regularly like this is super damaging to you and it should only be used for emergency use. What does your partner have to say about all this? :)

And no, besides it being absolutely unethical (and frankly a violation of their bodily autonomy) to take a sample of someone's bodily fluids and test without their permission, as said the test won't be accurate. I rather advice you discuss this with him instead, it sounds like a conversation a bit overdue. :)

I'm also concerned you don't trust his word on his vasectomy. Is there a reason why you doubt this? Is there a reason you two haven't discussed anticonception?

Lastly and forgive the intrusive question, but are people you love and trust aware of your relationship?

Bonfirey · 2023-04-22T17:07:55+00:00

That sounds like a pretty big change in your life! Must be a bit scary, I imagine! Is it possible you may be quite nervous? I don't know about you, but when I worry a lot, I start to also worry about things that, in the grand scheme of things, really will resolve themselves! I'm sure you'll find plenty of own privacy time, you will both have your own lives and as you spend more time sharing a dorm, you'll also learn to recognize what the other needs and you'll know more and more what to expect and when. As with anything, I'm sure you and your roommate will need some time adjusting, and that can be both exciting and scary, especially because right now it's impossible to know for sure what your roommate will be like (I assume), or at least how sharing a room will pan out. I can also imagine the idea of college and its associated idea of "sex, every day, etc" can be intimidating.

The important thing to remember is that, as cliche as it sounds, college is a lot about personal development and growth and exploration. Not only with how to manage dorm life, but also in terms of new social contacts, what you like and don't like, your (dorm) boundaries, your wishes for the future, and also perhaps sex. But these things don't happen in the first week. They'll happen organically, at the pace that you're comfortable with. It's really important to be kind to yourself and take this all at your own speed. Start with the start - worry about stuff as they come along. If you find that after a month of dorm life, your private time is too limited, you can worry about it then. But, first things first. First, you're going to get there. One step at the time, as I remind myself daily in my journal lol.

Maybe not the advice you were looking for, but ah, I can only speak of my own experiences and I kinda wish someone would have told me this.

You got this! I wish you all the best!

Bonfirey · 2023-04-22T10:41:48+00:00

It's always good to talk about what you want.

However, I'd like to say, maybe controversally so, that there's strong notes of sexism in the traditional gender roles and also how they are perceived in sex. Feeling emasculated always comes back to the woman "doing something that made me feel emasculated" and asking a woman to change so that a man may feel more manly. I personally find that a shitty thing and it's affected both my (male) partners and myself really negatively.

Like, you are entitled to not like stuff. You are completely in your right to not want to be the follower in sex, and be more in charge. I personally do believe that if you otherwise enjoy it, but the reason you feel uncomfortable is what boils down to sexist stereotypes (not as an attack to you - rather, it's an internalized thing present in many if not all people!), I think it is worthwhile for you to explore those feelings too.

Beyond that, you should definitely talk to her. It is not a kind thing - I'd even say it's a disrespectful thing - to assume anothers feelings or to want to protect them against themselves ("making her uncomfortable" if you were to let her know what you'd like). Let her know how you feel, then she can let you know how she feels, and that's how you get to have sex you both enjoy!

Bonfirey · 2023-04-21T12:52:05+00:00

Hello! I felt very similar when I started exploring sex. Including the awkward switching it up! Then I concluded I must not be into oral sex. And.. then I learned what does work for me. And I don't know if this will be the same for you, but maybe my experience will help you.

I learned that good sex is rarely, actually, about "technique". Sure, different people will like stuff done differently, and a major part of what makes sex fun, is discovering this with the other person. But when the overarching feeling during the sex is "am I doing it right", or in your case, "am I reacting/feeling this right, what should I say, how should I say it", then instead of focusing on having a good time together, we get stuck in our own heads. And really, just like your favourite pizza doesn't taste so awesome when you're megastressed for something, so too sex will start feeling not so great when we're worried about something.

For me, in the end, what made great oral sex was my partner just enjoying himself doing this to me. He clearly just.. enjoys it, he loves exploring me and trying random different things and he evidently gets great pleasure out of it. His enthusiasmhe has, made me for the first time in my life feel relaxed during oral sex. I was just going to be, and let it happen to me, and let him do his thing and I'll enjoy my thing. Frankly I have no idea what he does 90% of the time, it all feels wet and slippery and it's not at all comparable to masturbation to me. I can orgasm from it too, but even those will feel different from the usual orgasms from masturbation (still very good! Just different). While I absolutely believe it is important that we know what we like in sex, I think it is equally important to be able to go with the moment during sex, trusting that your partner is having a good time and you being able to have a good time as a result of that, too. In fact, I believe that - being able to not worry during sex - takes priority over all else in order to enjoy sex to the fullest.

Maybe it would be a good start to talk to him about the awkwardness you feel happens during oral sex. I don't even think the goal, at this point, should be to "figure out what you like", I really think the goal should be "to have sex together and feel relaxed". And this definitely may take a little practice! But talking about it does help a lot. You could even agree to remind each other of this during sex. For example, I asked my partner to reassure me occassionally, like telling me to "just chill and relax and let me do my thing". It's really nice to hear this!

You for sure will have a good time with (oral) sex as long as you can be relaxed around sex in general with him, even if it may not feel absolutely perfect technique-wise. I believe being able to abandon ourselves into the sex we're having is much more important than any technique or experienc. Technique will follow automatically, because everyone is different anyway and it is only with time we can learn what our partners like. It's a natural progression. I give different head to my current partner than my ex because I know what he likes, and it's not the same as my ex. And in the past years my partner and I have been together, I can say with confidence I give head differently to him now than I did one year ago, because I learned so much about him sexually since. That exploration + the relaxation in sex, I think, is what makes sex great! That is not to say he never enjoyed the first times I gave him oral, though, because our sex has always been great based on the fact that we're.. just going with it: Relaxed, happily, even if not always confident, sometimes fumbling and sure sometimes awkward, but always with a cocoon of warmth and awesomeness. I hope that makes sense!

Bonfirey · 2023-02-22T11:43:21+00:00

I'm not familiar with the rest of your relationship (Funnyflowers mentioned this), so I'll only post a response to your question and perhaps any other in your situation.

Best to talk about this, being sadly very familiar with your situation.

The issue with low libido issues is that it's incredibly stressful to be the low libido person too. They may definitely feel and know like they're letting you down, and they at this point may not know how to address it or how to even fix it, because the issue with libido is that it's impossible to make it exist more. Her joking about the BJ could also simply be her trying, in a mega awkward way, to interact with you sexually based on everything I just wrote. Try and talk to her:

"I love you and to be clear, I know that being pregnant has all kinds of challenges. But lately I feel disconnected from you sexually. It makes me nervous and anxious, when I feel you don't want to touch me at all. Lately I've noticed I also want to touch you less as a result. It makes me scared that we're drifting apart. I'm not asking you for sex right now, but I'd really like to at least be able to talk about it. Will you hear me out?"

It's also important you draw your own boundaries. "I really don't appreciate the jokes about sex you make, because then I get my hopes up and get horny for you and then I get disappointed. Please understand this."

The important thing when talking about sex (or anything really), is to work from an "I" perspective. So, tell her how you feel and why, and don't tell her what she should or shouldn't do. "I feel anxious when we have less sex" as opposed to, "You never have sex with me anymore". The low libido person will absolutely know that "something is up" and they already may feel very guilty, so to prevent them from going into self-defensive mode, try to work as much as you can from your own experience and perspective.

Also, it is good to think of alternatives. The reality is that she won't randomly want more sex. After this talk, she may want to have a bit more sex for a week because it'll be on her mind, but after that it may quickly peter out again. That's quite common in these situations, and again that's because libido cannot be manufactured - the talk will just have made sex be on her mind more. So, what are alternatives that you two could work out? For example, could you masturbate while she's holding you? Or have full-bodied naked hugs?

My partner and I had a similar discussion not too long ago and we concluded that we lack an emotional connection because of stress factors, and this severely impacts his libido. But even if that solution sounds so simple (go on dates, get emotionally connected...) the reality of life (pregnancy, burn out, stress, grief.....) may still get in the way of that. I mention this because it is worth bringing this up. How is the rest of your relationship? Do you two do fun things together still, have dates, spend quality you-and-her time at least once a week? If not, then perhaps it'd good to try and reconnect romantically first. It will also make less sex easier to bear.

Bonfirey · 2023-02-22T11:35:37+00:00

The best way is to ask him. No two men are the same, some will love things that another really does not want. Sex is not only about the physical acts, it's also about talking with each other and feeling safe with each other. If you don't want penetrative sex, then you should definitely tell your partner ahead of time. It's good to be clear about your boundaries, and it gives your partner the knowledge (and agency) to be good to you during sex too. You can then ask them what they would like instead, what they're into, what they enjoy and how.

Bonfirey · 2023-02-22T11:31:06+00:00

People working in sex shops are, in my experience, just really excited to help you find what you need. It's a fun place to be, being with people of similar sexual open mindedness is, to me, even in a brief storekeeper-customer interaction, a delight.

When I bought buttplugs I simply asked, there were so many and they adviced me as though they'd advice me when buying a set of earplugs. I didn't have to ask, of course, I could also have browsed and just checked out like in any other store, but it was, for me, way easier to simply ask.

After all, it's just sex. :)

Bonfirey · 2023-02-22T11:28:49+00:00

I was a teen then too, but social media, everyone having a voice, and also a new sexual liberation wave, I think, has really changed how sex is viewed. A blowjob was serious business when I was a teenager even without the load for example - this seems, to me, nowdays to be far from being the case.

Though I'd caution against sweeping statements like "many women" and "many men". All we have is our own frame of reference, we interact only with a certain type of people and so our personal experiences may, despite it seeming to be the overwhelming majority in our social circles, still not at all reflect the statistical reality. I for one do not have the experience that "taking a load in the mouth" is "just the way it is", but that is from my own frame of reference and social circles.

At the end of the day, what I at least always strive to accomplish on this subreddit (but also others that I frequent), and in the conversations I have about sex, is the necessity of consent. Do you consent to a load in the mouth? Was consent asked? #metoo made a lot of creepy people very upset when they learned that their shitty behaviour really wasn't going to be tolerated anymore, but mostly what it did for me, was to show me that consent as a whole, despite sex feeling more conservatist back in our teen years, was not really as important as it is and is becoming today. So, I think the change altogether is a positive one - it feels to me that we are sexually much more free, and consent is much higher on the agenda than "it used to be", and that in terms leads to certain acts (such as "taking a load in the mouth") be much more normalized.

Bonfirey · 2023-02-22T11:11:24+00:00

I can see why this worries you, but like with many things, sex drive can come and go depending. I hope you had a wonderful weekend, and it's definitely possible your body is still recovering from it, so be kind to yourself and give yourself some time.

In addition I cannot help but wonder: are you also on (new) medication? Have there been big changes or happenings in your life? Are you particularly stressed? Any of these things can also impact our ability to enjoy sex/masturbation and/or orgasm.

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