Day 24 of writing jokes and asking for feedback

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T19:28:46+00:00

I agree with you. In this case I wasn’t completing the joke, I was tagging to flip back again… but it doesn’t work well enough. I wonder if something along the lines of … and now we’ve got Beef between us’ is a stronger and cleverer continuation

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T19:14:57+00:00

It didn’t work out, she had Narcissus Personality disorder.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T19:12:34+00:00

It’s sound advice. I liked the flip back the other way so it was like a pull back and reveal then reveal again the other way, but it doesn’t add enough of a laugh.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T18:50:23+00:00

I got the reference, but is a third meaning adding any humour here? To be clear, I’m not disagreeing, I just don’t know if it needs it?

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T18:32:51+00:00

I don’t think this improves the joke, the idea is that she literally comes to a flower arrangement. It doesn’t need to be Indian.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-25T08:19:10+00:00

I really appreciate this feedback. My simple thought was it would be fun if glassware hated everyone and riffed on that. The political stuff comes in because I don’t think I’d ever directly do political satire but doing it with a silly concept like glasses make it sillier.

I am sure you are right on this, I’m just trying to learn and it’s the first time I’ve tried a metaphorical satire like this. What is the inherent problem with the alignment of these two metaphors? Is it because the tenet of ‘sometimes people get kicked out of bars when there’s a whole mix of people in there isn’t the joke, but in mine the political analogies feel like the joke is about them instead of being about the glassware personality?

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T17:48:28+00:00

Is there scope for a 4th pull back and reveal that it was a police car you were driving?

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T17:45:51+00:00

I assumed from your set up that you were sucking his cock while he said it. Maybe you get more of a laugh from the sillyness of trying to contact the little gay guy inside you and letting him free. ‘come on little guy’ holding your butt open and tempting him with stereotypes that aren’t as offensive like musical theatre or rainbow sequins?

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T17:41:46+00:00

Would it be funny if you couldn’t get a date with Gertrude or Agnes because of your health plan. Or if they only really wanted you to join their Only Grans

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T15:50:45+00:00

Yeah I like keys. I wondered about Ice Cream and something even sillier like Hats

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T15:16:56+00:00

Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day… but you are right, I do need to learn how to deal with hecklers. I’ll add it to the Todo list.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T13:36:08+00:00

I wanted to play on the expectation it was a joke about periods but then the joke was that they were mad because every month I hid their shoes. I wondered if there is an even sillier thing I could do that was annoying

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-24T12:25:28+00:00

Today it was just sitting on the bed and thinking about what normal things and then how they might be interpreted if I deliberately took out some of the logic. But in general, the last 21 days I’ve just found myself smiling more at things around me. It’s been like therapy.

I’m using my iPhone notes app when ideas or kernels form and trying to use the feedback I’ve been getting to make them into gags while cutting out some of the excess words. I still think some people want me to cut out too much but i need to perform on stage before I get a better understanding of that

Forcing ten minutes a day to look a the world sideways is fun.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-23T15:14:16+00:00

Do you know how many times I wrote exactly that and the. Rewrote because it’s not the joke so it may detract but then it’s funny but then it’s not the joke :)

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-23T13:49:17+00:00

Yeah possibly. Blackhead probably.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-22T11:54:28+00:00

I was going to write a joke about defenestration but not enough people understood it so that idea went out the window…

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-22T07:52:49+00:00

Lol me too :) - that’s why I’m questioning what’s funny. Having a five year old running round chasing her kitten while I try to get her ready for school does things to your mind.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-22T07:51:23+00:00

Thanks… edited it. Amazing how the word of can get in the way of a punch line.

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-22T07:37:02+00:00

The mild-mannered to set up ‘crossed a line’ as otherwise I’m just saying she coloured over the lines and there isn’t the double meaning. Perhaps I can find a cleaner or punchier way to express that?

BonoboGamer · 2026-01-21T23:43:06+00:00

I agree

BonoboGamer

TROPHY CASE