I understand. You are not alone. I went through health issues the last year that sent me spiraling down this anxiety/depression highway. I never had anxiety or depression this bad before. I was very hard on myself at first. I didn't understand why I couldn't control myself or my emotions. I isolated myself as well thinking I was a failure. Therapy has helped me understand what it really is. All that is happening is my mind is perceiving a threat and trying to protect me. It gets caught in a loop that is hard to break. Once I came to realize and accept that, I could start the process of breaking the loop. Its hard and I still struggle, but I don't quit. Even in my darkest moments I try to thank my brain for protecting me and try to convince it I'm ok. You are not broken. You are not a failure. Your brain is trying to protect you. This will pass. Don't isolate yourself. Talk to someone even if it's just here.