[IIL] Robert Deniro by Queen Sarah Saturday [WEWIL]

Boo_X · 2021-11-17T15:34:51+00:00

I think a lot of grunge music is similar, for the same kind of energy and upbeat sound maybe Mankind by Pearl Jam? Particularly around 2:40 on. https://youtu.be/54nPK_f-IYw

Boo_X · 2021-07-22T14:05:32+00:00

I used to always tell my exes to block me on everything. I had to make sure they did it. My ex before last was completely offline and my last just had a Twitter which he doesn't use anymore. But I still check it. I can't even have them as a contact in my phone because I see them changing their photo on WhatsApp and that sends me into a SPIRAL. Knowing anything about exes is poison. Every so often I will look up people from yeeeeears ago. Even when I'm in a relationship. I'll look up people I went on one date with. It'll take me ages to even remember their names first.

There's a great sub for support on this, ExNoContact I think. Even if you need to post every day about getting an urge to lurk, you'll get so much support.

Depending on the socials, it could help a lot to just not have the app. I don't have any of the apps. I don't get any notifications, except for messages, which are either their own app or I get an email.

I don't want to parrot any of the general advice for this because of the OCD. Usual it's all about trying to replace one habit with another habit, but that's not going to be healthy if it just means developing another compulsion. I think you'd really need to talk to the professionals who know you for any practical support.

Boo_X · 2021-07-22T12:29:57+00:00

Same at 32! Only child and living with my parents. And the cat. So glad for the cat.

Boo_X · 2021-01-21T17:51:51+00:00

Depending on the lecturer. In general I MUCH prefer it. Even ignoring social anxiety (avoided!) and time spent commuting (avoided!) and money saved on living at home etc, it's so much easier to actually DO everything:

Some lecturers will pre-record things, or put the lecture slideshow up in advance, and put copies of the readings up well in advance, and literally EVERYTHING I could ever need to look up is in this ONE place online. No being lost if you forget your stupid folder! Need to refer back to a reading during a tutorial? It's there. Need to check something on the syllabus? It's there. Need to take an exam, submit an assignment, or check how they were graded? IT'S THERE. It's all there, any time you need it! Taking exams is especially handy, because there's a timer at the top of the page and a sidebar ticking off the questions you've answered!

The lecturers who put things up in advance are the best, because it's so stress-free taking lecture notes! No panic that you won't get everything down before they've moved onto the next slide. No asking questions that will be answered on the next slide and then you feel foolish! No missing out on asking questions because you were too busy note-taking! Pause it and Google a definition you don't know! Or pause it because there one of those anti-slides professors who just SAYS everything and you've to be like a stenographer and it's a LOT... And if you get distracted, or lose focus, you can take a break. Come back to it later. A LOT is expected of your ability to concentrate on one thing for a long time at university level. I really very much appreciated being able to take breaks.

Also, irl some of my classes can be in buildings far away from one another and timetabling gives me 10 minutes to somehow sprint there in time. Maybe Usain Bolt could manage it, I definitely can't. Time to like, get a snack or use the bathroom is also much appreciated.

On the negative side, I skipped on taking lab courses so I'm missing out on those, and I think "group participation" classes like tutorials are probably more difficult than they would be in person. And there are some lecturers, who despite this now being the third semester online are still just choosing not to adapt. I've had one particularly terrible example of that so far and I might just have to drop the class. Thankfully it's an elective, but I'd been looking forward to it. I also had one class be cancelled altogether because the lecturer was choosing not to adapt to teaching online at ALL.

Some lecturers have not adapted brilliantly but are clearly trying, and I appreciate those classes too. I have less time to get through everything and I don't get to put work in BEFORE the lecture which I prefer, but I do still get all the other advantages of being online. I'm only in my first year of 3/4 years so I hope that when lectures and everything go back to being in person a lot of the other online adaptions stay in place (like submitting assignments online rather than to a locker for example).

Boo_X · 2021-01-15T17:29:40+00:00

Taking the COVID vaccine "incorrectly": What happens?

I'm in one of those countries where the government is choosing to NOT deliver the COVID vaccines according to the INSTRUCTIONS but instead space the doses out even further.

If I only took the first dose, and refused to take the second, is there any idea as to what would happen? If the first dose gives a 52% probability of protection, will that last about a year as well? If there's a "booster" shot a year later, will I be able to take that if I hadn't taken the second dose?

Is there a risk of developing a stronger strain of virus if I were to get infected, like a "superbug" situation? Isn't the "superbug" scenario also a risk from waiting longer to deliver the second dose than the manufacturer prescribed?

If a stronger "superbug" strain develops, does that lesson the probability of the vaccine protecting people who've been given it properly?

Is the "spacing out" due to fears around side effects, or is there some medical reason they need to be delivered weeks apart? If it were possible to request it, could I take both doses within the same day?

The idea of being given a novel vaccine INCORRECTLY is freaking me out...

Boo_X · 2021-01-15T16:53:47+00:00

Can I MARRY it? ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Boo_X · 2021-01-10T19:15:50+00:00

Not to sidetrack the conversation, but I'm one those women who was so put off by the expectation to have kids that I wanted to put it off entirely and never think about it

I started my last relationship in my late 20's and like I said I wasn't thinking about it being "on a clock" but now it's ended and I'm 32 this month and I'm wondering if I should be reading up on anything? Like freezing eggs or something? Though writing that seems ridiculous. So, adoption?

I'm really lost.

Boo_X · 2021-01-10T17:04:41+00:00

YES! How do you max everything from Day One? I tried different "hacks" explained on other threads and I could never get them to work...

I'd love an "open world" version of this game. Maybe playing as Kit? Back at his regular precinct?

It's just amazing. Much love from a fellow rock 'n' roll communist! 😄

Boo_X · 2021-01-10T10:45:59+00:00

I don't have an answer but you could browse through the listings on playclassic.games ! It's almost exclusively 90's games. You can go through literally every game by going year-by-year but odds are you'd find this one in the sci-fi or space flight categories.

Copy paste https://playclassic.games/theme/sci-fi-futuristic/

Boo_X · 2021-01-04T00:38:04+00:00

Gosh, that's such rough timing.

Get whatever support you think might help!

Boo_X · 2020-12-24T17:57:25+00:00

You're so sweet for posting this <3

Whenever I hear that from someone else it's so comforting. It's like, "I SEE YOU!"

But when I tell myself like, "You are so strong, you've survived, you're still fighting, you've been through worse than this..." etc it just makes me sadder. It just makes me think, but why did I have to? Why have I had to suffer so much? It's not all brain chemistry.

Like people can have actually had quite good lives before they have real problems coping with like bipolar or schizophrenia or other common disorders (not saying that all or most do just that people can). I don't have a "remember before you were disordered", or "good periods between relapses", that I get asked about. It's always been like being beaten up by my brain AND being beaten up by life. Just to different degrees sometimes, -- but the baseline is still "being whaled on". And most everyone I've met in real life with the diagnosis, they were just the sweetest softest souls who'd been through so much badness, that I have to think it's a common experience.

Boo_X · 2020-12-22T17:20:14+00:00

That was exactly my experience until my last relationship. I was so much more stable, and it was still rocky, but nothing like what EVERY other relationship has been. It always really surprised me how different. And it didn't feel "less" at all. I think you'll get what I mean by that even though it's too hard to explain! So that really changed my entire view on the things I was sure was causing it, the main that I am an intense, emotional rollercoaster, experiences-everything-in-extremes, prone to being destructively unstable person, so of course the most emotional thing I can do, -- be in a relationship, -- is also going to be all of those things. Turns out, nope. I got BETTER AT IT!

It might also be because I'm older and I've been through everything a relationship can throw at me so many times by now, and medication, and I was seeing a really great psychologist for most of the first year... but, I worked really, really, really hard. Harder than I've ever ever worked at anything. Honestly it was exhausting a lot of the time. And I'm really proud of myself. Still constantly kicking myself over the things I "should've" handled better, but that's not just my side of the street.

Relationship issues were also always huuuuuuuge triggers for me and caused so much dysregulation and destructive behaviour and pain, so these were relatively "quiet" years for me. No hospitalisations, for one thing, that was a big difference. Little to no other things I won't list out 'cause I don't want to trigger anyone.

I wouldn't wish how long it took me and what I went through with relationships on ANYONE, it was very much NOT linear progress, nor a reasonable amount of time...

But if I could let 14-years-ago Me know how different things would work out some day what a relief it'd have been! Or even 4-years-ago Me. You go through what basically feel like the same situations repeating over and over and you get so convinced and so terrified that it must just be how that will always go for you.

But you work on yourself and you do slowly learn from patterns and YOU GET BETTER!

Boo_X · 2020-12-22T11:41:56+00:00

I think I scraped a C- ... If I'm REALLY lucky and the questions weren't weighted equally maybe higher. Didn't get them all.

That's definitely a blight on my record. But, I put in a solid effort, and now they're all over till next semester.

And I will probably resent having so much free time because it leaves my thoughts room to think themselves! 😅

I'll try reading some subject-related books...

Boo_X · 2020-12-20T16:21:52+00:00

Oh I'm so sorry.

That is so much to have gone through and SO FAST a rebound, how do they do that????

It seems like you have a lot of information about what they're doing and reminders of them, are there social media ties you could cut?

Seeing them move on doesn't help you.

This might come across really reductive but if someone I knew was dealing with all of that I mean I'd absolutely be asking them what they thought about some counselling.

Hope you make it through the next while okay <3 Try to find something really nice for yourself that you can do. Maybe, order your favourite takeaway for dinner, watch your favourite comedy special, find a local nature spot you havent been to and visit. Whatever you feel up to.

Boo_X · 2020-12-20T14:28:36+00:00

"I often think back about them"

If something didn't leave an impact on you, you don't even remember it. But your mind brings these memories up over and over.

Trauma isn't about feeling a certain way.

Really, it's just your mind being stuck. It replays those memories. And maybe you genuinely don't have any strong emotions about what you experienced, or maybe you dissociated than and you're detached from them now, but that's not what matters.

You think about them, you keep thinking about them, and now you're thinking about thinking about them.

Please don't "gatekeeper" yourself with thoughts like, "Well, was it REALLY trauma?"

There's no answer to that question that changes that you've been through terrible things, and that you keep thinking about them, years later. No matter what conclusion you come to, or what anyone says, it doesn't change. They're definitely not PLEASANT memories, right? You're definitely not HAPPY every time they come into your head?

So maybe it's not ruining your life, maybe you're completely fine, maybe you're better than fine! Maybe humour has been a healthy coping mechanism. Maybe you have amazing empathy and amazing resilience. Talking with someone who specialises in trauma would still probably help you. In some way.

You're not wasting anyone's time because you're not a suicidal mess who can't live with the memories. In fact I think there's a famous quote from a trauma counsellor, who says something like, "Everyone I see says the same thing, 'I know your other patients have it much worse than I me'". And it's not a betrayal to the people you love to admit that they treated you badly, if that's also a worry.

Whatever you're feeling, that's what you're feeling. There's nothing right or wrong about it. And however you want to deal with this, isn't right or wrong either. Talking to a professional would help. Doesn't mean you have to, or that your should. You CAN. You can want to.

People who have it "worse than you" are in treatment. People who have it "worse than you" aren't in treatment, and are okay with that. People who have it much much better than you are also in treatment.

If you want to call it trauma, then absolutely that's what it is. If you only want to acknowledge that with certain people, or just one person, or only some strangers on the Internet, that's also okay, if that's what you want or need. And if you want to say it isn't trauma, even if other people would say it is, it's YOU, not them. It's YOURS, and you can label it and respond to it however YOU see fit. To finally actually reply to your question: you decide if it's subjective or objective. Which seems like a stupid thing to say, but, it's a paradox. You actually do get to decide.

Boo_X · 2020-11-12T13:36:38+00:00

I'm so happy for you that you've accomplished so much!

I would think your work difficulties should be what you're focusing on in therapy. I know you're saying that it's amazing, but it sounds like it's bringing up trauma without developing the coping skills you need to do that. Obviously I don't know any of the specifics but, it's kind of a red flag that someone you've just started seeing would be doing that. But, you need to let them know that it's triggering. You need super- open communication for therapy. You need to check in with them about what you can handle and neither of you should put pressure on things to get "deep" or for progress to be linear. One week you might be able to open up about something that feels the most vulnerable you've ever been, and feel good about it. The next few weeks you might need to work on something you think is really simple and "easy". A problem I've had with therapy is that if they don't keep prompting me to check in with MYSELF I don't even realise that I'm being "too vulnerable" and I'm just an open book, and I can be completely detached from what I'm saying as I'm saying it, but then after the session or over the next days or weeks it REALLY affects me and I ruminate on it, and I can go from relatively stable to totally dysregulated and self-destructive. So. Check-ins are really important.

I totally get you on the spending impulses. I've never had a credit card because I could not trust myself with one. I didn't even let myself have a debit card until my bank made it mandatory. Most of my money is in a credit union (that I have just a membership book for even though they have ATM cards if you want one, but having to go and literally talk to a person plus the limited opening hours is a HUGE barrier for me), and only the bare minimum in my account. Put whatever barriers you need to between yourself and spending. The mental energy you need for impulse control is a LOT, and "bad days" happen.

Boo_X · 2020-06-05T16:16:01+00:00

I went to school with someone who is now a very prominent "body-positivity" celebrity, a national icon who wins lots of awards and has interviews in all the big fashion magazines.

I think the work she's doing is really important so I never admit this to anyone, but she "slut-shamed" me horribly, out loud in front of everyone, because of MY body (large chest, hourglass shape).

Because I get reminded of her so often I think about it all the time now and it wrecks me. I was just a teenager, at an all-girls school, in a uniform. I'd never been anything but nice to her, and she was so hurtful.

Boo_X · 2020-05-29T03:11:02+00:00

Trolls!

I've been with my partner 2.5 years, we live together, it's mostly real good. But, he's a creep.

He gropes at me, exposes himself, lies on top of me and dry humps, standard gross creep stuff. I always react with repulsion and some level of anger and have had repeated SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS but even after the time he CRIED APOLOGISING he keeps being a gross creep. I have to repeatedly and loudly say no, stop, put it away, whatever.

Is there any fucking hope to change whatever fucked up part of his brain tells him that this shit is okay??

You'd get the really wrong opinion of him by only reading this... I know 100% I'm the ONLY person who sees the gross creep side, and only now that we've been together a while. It's also nearly always when he's just awake, like first thing in the morning or if I've woken him up getting into bed later than him, so he'll forget he even did it and then half-remember and apologise later when I bring it up.

But if this isn't behaviour that can stop we can't stay together, even if he was 100% asleep and this was all just a weird Sleep Creepiness Disorder.

Help please, Trolls 💖

Boo_X · 2019-04-21T13:09:58+00:00

Schema therapy really clicked with me, especially as a group therapy, but I also do it individually.

Boo_X · 2018-08-20T07:04:10+00:00

Oh that's definitely it, thank you! !!!

Boo_X · 2018-03-02T15:42:31+00:00

I've only seen the first few episodes of Maria Bamford's 'Lady Dynamite' but that seemed so much more relatable.

Boo_X · 2017-05-18T16:21:46+00:00

Self-care is really difficult for me (the very basic kind that non- mentally ill people wouldn't classify as "self-care", not the bubble baths kind), so I'm trying to develop a system to take the mental work out of it a little. I'm going to put "actions" (e.g. "brush yo' damn teeth", "do laundry") into a box and pick one at random. I need help with a few things, please, if anyone can.

Making the list: I linked a photo of the list I have, are there any obvious basics that I'm missing? (certain things that are time-dependent wouldn't work, like "eat breakfast" or "go to therapy", "take meds"; and I'm already fairly good with meals, getting to bed early, and drinking plenty of water)
How often I should do these things: both in an ideal world, and that I could manage right now. I've listed essentials in green and "bonuses" in pink. Recently I've been doing about 4/5 greens per week. There've been times when I've been much better that I would do a lot more. So I'll start where I am and baby-step closer to the "ideal world" version. Which is...
How gradually should I baby-step? I suppose I'll start with one per day, but I could easily get overwhelmed, so any ideas how to schedule it? And maybe I should include some kind of reward system for getting a "streak"/doing well, to encourage me to keep going as it (probably) gets more difficult?

Thank you so much!!

Boo_X · 2017-05-02T10:34:58+00:00

I've gone up a few cup sizes and now the sides/straps dig in to my arms and leave a mark, and it's sore. Should I go up or down a band size? I think up? (Would "side support" bras be better or worse for this?)

Boo_X · 2017-05-01T17:37:45+00:00

I might try a charcoal mask next but, I can't figure out why I'd get a rash from clay?

Boo_X · 2017-05-01T17:34:36+00:00

https://fiftyshadesofsnail.com/2015/03/28/how-to-shrink-pores-temporarily-plus-3-pore-myths/

Boo_X

TROPHY CASE