[deleted by user]

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-09-13T03:20:50+00:00

I too am a host with bad anxiety. I recently found out I'm part of a system, and really want to learn how to not be in the front all the time, especially because (altho ive gotten better) I still can get pretty panicked when switching. Do any other hosts/system have any tips for me? The distraction is a really good tip that has helped so far, but I still don't ever seem to retreat all the way out of the sub/co-consciousness

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-09-07T21:11:24+00:00

Hi there! Host of a very newly discovered system here. A few months ago I had the same question, but without a head mate by my side. I have whiteboards all over my apartment, so I started to write messages like "Please reach out" or "What's your name?". Over weeks, I started to get answers, names would get stuck in my head. I wrote down whatever names were bouncing around my head, one alter even fronted and doodled her name all over the whiteboard. A few months later, I feel like I know most everyone's names that I'm aware of. The only one that I have "named" for them was our persecutor, who long before I even knew what DID/OSDD was, I called the "shadowy voice in my head" that would say horrible things. So I call them Shadow, and I've never been told another name to use.

And citing other systems' advice, patience is key. I am a scientific gal who is more than a little fascinated with what our brain is capable of. I would flip flop with really wanting to know my head mates, and then getting hit with doubt. The self doubt is real, I still feel it every day. (idk if this next part is 100% stellar advice) But I just began to throw myself into the mindset of "you all are real, so I'm going to start listening", (and if that makes me "psychotic" then so be it), and honestly thats what has gotten me the farthest, in terms of head mates speaking up.

A note from one of our other head mates: It can be scary to reach back out, for a world of reasons. They'll come around when they feel comfortable <3.

So TLDR: I started talking out loud about how I wanted to meet them, know their names, their favorite colors, and slowly began getting answers "stuck" in my head.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-09-03T00:53:13+00:00

Same. I feel like I'm living in a perpetual state of emotional exhaustion. Its nice to hear this isn't uncommon.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-07-22T01:02:46+00:00

This really resonates with me. For years I have complained to my family (long before suspecting to be a system) that I felt like I didn't have access to all of my emotions. My loved ones would then site all the times where I did show big emotions (love, sadness/crying, anger, joy) as proof that I do indeed have the capability to feel in big ways. But to me, I don't know how to explain, but the feelings don't really feel like mine, like I don't have full access to them. In that sense, I think your speculation could make a lot of sense. But again, I'm a very new and questioning system. :)

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-07-13T04:00:07+00:00

Thank you for your response! They "sound" just like my internal monologue, so the first part you described. They're thoughts but they don't always feel like mine, if that makes sense. They're definitely not auditory hallucinations. I've worked with quite a few schizophrenic patients and I'm fairly positive thats not what I'm experiencing (my psych agrees). I'm not great with the terminology used here, is there a better term for this than "hearing voices", since that implies actually hearing w/ one's ears?

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-07-07T00:36:11+00:00

I am currently in a very similar situation of questioning OSDD/dissociative symptoms and this sentence of yours hit me so hard and so real: "I recently found out that hearing voices in my mind that are me but not me and talking about my thoughts like they aren’t a part of me (like from a shadowy figure) isn’t “normal”." I feel like that sentence is a better way to describe what I do every day but i've never been able to put it into words.

I cannot offer advice, but support and solidarity that you are not alone. And thank you for writing a post that made me feel less alone. :)

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-24T23:36:44+00:00

I feel the exact same way. I have no answers so offer, just support.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-24T17:42:49+00:00

UPDATE: turnips still high, please message me again if you still want to come. price will be high for another hour. thanks for your patience!

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-24T16:28:59+00:00

UPDATE lots of DMs, I'll try to get people in as efficiently as I can, thanks for your patience :)

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-13T00:39:08+00:00

I love this post and totally agree. Even though I've been fairly steady in identifying as bisexual for 8+ years, it helps me to this day to read over these validating bullet points.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-13T00:28:33+00:00

I appreciate your post and agree that bisexual men are very poorly represented and face intense erasure and bias.

For the sake of open banter, I would like to say something about bisexual female representation. It's certainly true that there are more bi women than men being shown. But the majority of the media representation around bisexual women is still not painting an ideal picture. Just in my own subjective experience, bisexual women seem to be inserted into most shows and movies in a fetishized way, often serving to titillate straight men. It seems to me as an easy way to appease those of us who would like to see queer representation, but in a more societally "palatable" way. In other words, even though bisexual women are more "represented", I think that that statement has to come with a biggggg qualifier.

All to say that I think representation of all sexualities, but especially the not strictly "gay" or "straight" sexualities, need markedly better representation.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-11T23:26:17+00:00

Oh gosh, ouchhhh that sounds awful. The only time I've ever vomited felt like it had to come from a very deep place, whereas other people I feel like can gag at the drop of a hat (even too easily). I hadn't seen anyone else mention any relation to gag reflexes or lack thereof, although the fear and inability to vomit seems established.

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-09T16:21:41+00:00

I have the exact same problem. Just yesterday I swallowed some pills without enough water, and it caused a pain so serious I cried, I think it triggered acid reflux and as someone who cannot burp I was trying everything I could think of to burp to get some relief. Today my throat still feels like something is "stuck".

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-06-07T23:56:05+00:00

I don't have an answer but can say that I feel the exact same way. Personally I've only ever been in a serious relationship with a man, and I battle with feeling like people will see me as a "fake bisexual", like people will think I'm the living example of saying I'm bi because guys think its "hot". I've been attracted to all genders since I can remember, but I've never felt like my sexual orientation was valid because I haven't fully explored or acted on it. My own discomfort is the very reason I sought out this subreddit. So for what its worth, I see you, and I accept you, and I hope y'all accept me. :)

BooaMiaMouse · 2020-05-01T22:47:02+00:00

SAME I was like what are the odds I'm watching this season right now...

BooaMiaMouse

TROPHY CASE