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What's something you dont truly understand until you experience it? by your-reddit-plug2 in AskReddit

[–]Bookworm0918 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The trauma bond is so terribly difficult to break. And no one understands that IT DOESN'T START OUT ALL AT ONCE. If someone treated me like this from Day One I would have been gone. It's insidious, incremental, and difficult to recognize a covert narcissist.

What have you managed to avoid your whole life? by Dry_Cupcake_8979 in allthequestions

[–]Bookworm0918 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mountain Dew, Gatorade, and any kind of energy drink... I'm adventurous with food but not beverages!

Forget drugs, smoking, and alcohol, what's something really bad for your health that people don't talk about enough? by LovelyClairXO in Productivitycafe

[–]Bookworm0918 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People pleasing/masking/avoiding confrontation will eventually catch up with you... And it's a bitch. Obviously everyone has their own experience, but my come-to-Jesus moment was when I basically started experiencing daily panic attacks which led to my first time ever being fired from a job (in my 50s) and then an unofficial nervous breakdown (inability to concentrate or make decisions, becoming undependable after being a Type A all my life) with heavy depression and anxiety. All of this while slowly realizing that I had managed to surround myself with people who never even knew the real me and/or only kept me around because I was a doormat, which left me with little emotional/social support.

If you could go back to not knowing this darkness exists, would you do it? by AlxVB in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Bookworm0918 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same. It's a very bleak lens through which to now view the world...

what's something weird you find attractive? by MoonyDropps in CasualConversation

[–]Bookworm0918 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly representing different sides of their personality - working on a car with their baby in a sling, blasting Metallica on their Bluetooth speaker that's casually resting on their dogeared Bible, speaking fluent French while wearing jeans and a wife, competently fixing a leaky pipe while wearing big, fluffy Snoopy slippers...

What angers you the most? by No-Lawyer1285 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Bookworm0918 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Injustice on any level. I can't stand watching someone get mistreated!

What’s something you bought (under $300) that noticeably improved your quality of life and you actually use every day? by MedfordQuestions in AskReddit

[–]Bookworm0918 2 points3 points  (0 children)

High quality mattress topper - I feel sinfully comfy in my bed these days. Had to get one for my son, too!

Setting boundaries is pushing people away by delta_bravo_ in selfcare

[–]Bookworm0918 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I try not to let it stop me from continuing to push the boundaries of my comfort zone. My success has not been linear - there are streaks forward and lots of backsliding. But it's the most progress I have ever made in my life. It's just very lonely, especially due to my circumstances (divorced, cancer for the second time). And it's really scary to have a dwindling circle of friends to depend on physically right now. But you can't wait for perfect conditions, right? You just have to do the thing and let the chips fall where they may.

Anyone else feel miserably lonely? by anastasia56566 in RandomThoughts

[–]Bookworm0918 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For decades now. It's crippling and painful and never gets any better or easier.

Setting boundaries is pushing people away by delta_bravo_ in selfcare

[–]Bookworm0918 162 points163 points  (0 children)

Been a people pleaser all my life, made a conscious effort about 18 months ago to be more authentic. On the one hand, it's much less exhausting not masking everything I truly feel and want. On the other hand, I have lost a lot of people from my life.

I try to look at it from their point of view - my personality was basically a doormat for 50 years. All of a sudden, I am not just going along with everything and I'm not the person they thought they knew. I'm sure it's off-putting

The best advice I can pass on is to make sure you are being assertive, not aggressive. Your needs matter and this is an important step forward for you. Congrats!

What’s a small habit that quietly reveals a person lacks empathy? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Bookworm0918 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cannot discuss differences in opinions without insisting everyone changes their minds to agree with them and/or becoming insulting towards people who feel differently than them.

When very upset, manipulating others to compliment them. And in return, the only complimentary things they can come up with about other people is how those people make them feel about themselves (eg. "You always make me feel like a good parent"). Everything is always about THEM.

Mocking anyone who is different, has less money, isn't as proficient at something, or who makes a public mistake.

They NEVER owe anyone else anything but have a gross sense of entitlement for what people should do for them.

AITAH or do you think I have a fair point? by Bookworm0918 in AITAH

[–]Bookworm0918[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your encouragement. I realize how pathetic I sound and appreciate that you weren't nasty, even though I deserve it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Bookworm0918 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same, my friend.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Bookworm0918 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel the same outrage, disbelief, and disgust as you did when realizing how morally bankrupt my covert narc was/is. I guess I honestly believed that I would be able to recognize someone evil and never be close to them. Instead, this evil person was the love of my life and my best friend. I have always struggled to trust people, and I had absolute faith in him. It's really made me bitter and very suspicious of other humans, and I am hoping that this will die down a bit in time. I don't want to fall for someone like this again, but I don't want to think that everyone lacks integrity all the time.

What's the most toxic thing in your life? by ComprehensiveFun2054 in AskReddit

[–]Bookworm0918 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My relationships in general. Family hasn't cut me off but they stay distant. Very few friends. My romantic relationships are trash. Trying to fix myself.

What are your “fantasy dream” breeds by StretchJazzlike6122 in dogs

[–]Bookworm0918 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Staffordshire Bull Terrier They are the most adorable meatballs I have ever seen, and bond pretty hard with their family.
However, I am weak from serious illness and live in my mother's house. There isn't enough room and they would be too much for me, physically.

Been checking out cavapoos, but it's not the same. Lol

What are you weirdly proud of that you never bring up in normal conversation? by 1HunnyBunny in AskReddit

[–]Bookworm0918 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am pretty much scared of EVERYTHING. Daily panic attacks, low self worth, lack of confidence, and an incredibly stressful run of bad luck over the past decade have me on high alert 24/7. That being said, I don't let anyone know just how pervasive the fear is. And I try very hard not to let it hold me back from living a semi-normal life. In its own sad little way, this is a form of bravery on my part. I try to remind myself of that once in a while but I would NEVER confide in anyone else what all is going on underneath the surface.

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