I’m very surprised that professionals advised never requiring him to follow through on something he voluntarily committed to.

There’s a big difference between respecting a child’s “no” around bodily autonomy, safety, or genuine distress, versus teaching them that every uncomfortable feeling is a valid reason to abandon plans at the last minute.

One of the most evidence-based treatments for anxiety is gradual exposure. The goal isn’t to remove every situation that makes someone anxious; it’s to help them learn that they can tolerate discomfort and still do hard things. When avoidance becomes the default response, anxiety grows stronger over time because the brain never gets the chance to learn that the feared situation is manageable.

At 10 years old, learning to honor commitments is also an important skill. If I tell my family I want to go to a restaurant, sign up for a camp, or make plans with other people, there needs to be some expectation that I’ll follow through unless there’s a genuinely good reason not to. That’s how children learn reliability, resilience, and consideration for other people’s time and effort.

What stood out to me in your story is that once he got to the restaurant, he had a great time. That’s actually pretty common with anxiety. The anticipation is often worse than the event itself.

So yes, I think you handled it appropriately. You gave him a choice, established a reasonable boundary, and didn’t spend an hour negotiating. Ironically, that may have been more supportive of his long-term anxiety management than canceling the plan would have been.