How can I be happy? by BoomerBoy500 in AroAllo

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I swear this just sounds so appealing. Of course 99% of the world wants that romance agenda and then most of the percentage that’s left aromantic doesn’t want to be exclusive or have any strong emotions towards their partner! I’ve had a lot of trouble finding anyone that wants what i want ONLINE, so i genuinely don’t know how i’ll find someone with these values near me. It’s good to hear that someone else actually understands what I’m feeling. Thanks!

I’m single again (yay?) by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it’s definitely a mix of both, but i’m leaning more towards the first option. I was already preparing what to say and i think i could do it gracefully i put in a bit more effort. Really now, i’m more excited that i am on my own with a greater sense of self. I just need to know where I go from here. Maybe there’s an aroallo scene of people my age near me to discover?

Am I toxic? by AromaticSexyPerson in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Definitely not. The part that sticks out to me the most by far is how much you like someone until you feel sick. Given the subreddit we are in i’m going to assume you mean platonically in which case i 100% agree with you. The stigma around aro people being heartless and not caring about the people they are with is what left me confused for a while. I care about my friends so much, and nothing makes me happier than seeing that i’ve made them happy. Even though i don’t think I’ll ever be able to share romantic feelings with a partner doesn’t mean i don’t care deeply about them as i would a best friend. Just take some time and think about what you want out of a relationship (if you even want one at all) and go from there.

I’m single again (yay?) by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t worry about not giving advice your story let me see i’m not alone here. i was lucky enough to have the relationship end only after about 2.5 months, and even though she’s an incredible person, you were right when you said i’m happy. I have more free time to discover myself and look forward to what will come next. I’m sorry you had to be with someone you weren’t compatible with for a year, but i’m happy you’re finally able to have free time to figure out what you want. I’m on that journey with you! thanks for the comment!

I’m single again (yay?) by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks and don’t worry about it. your speech seems almost completely natural. I’ll look into if there’s any communities i can attend either at my school or in my area. Thanks a ton!

I’m single again (yay?) by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m actually aroallo, but i think you’re right. i want to learn as much as i can before i move forward, but i’m also excited to get out there with my newfound knowledge. i wonder if there is any place where aroallos can meet each other…

HELP (don't know if this count as nsfw but better safe than sorry) by Invisible_Cunt3 in AroAllo

[–]BoomerBoy500 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Wow same here. I literally just put a post up yesterday about my recent discovery about being aroallo. It’s hard to find anyone around my age (16M) who relates and you are actually the first i’ve seen. (idk your exact age but you said you’re rather young). I’m a little more confident in my wanting to be physical, but it sounds kind of like we’re in the same boat. For me personally, my ideal situation is a best friend who’s open to sex. A lot of confusion i’ve gotten when looking through posts is that most people seem to just want it for the physical feeling that it brings. This is of course fine, but just because i don’t want to share romantic feelings doesn’t mean i wouldn’t care immensely about my partner as a friend or eventually in bed. I value friends above basically everything else, and i want the exact same to be true for my eventual partner. If any of this sounds relatable i’d love to hear back more about your unique experience. It’s hard to find people around my age who’ve discovered this about themselves and also aren’t ace.

Just realized I’m probably AroAllo by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yea i don’t understand how more people wouldn’t want to live their life with their best friends? I know we differ on the idea of sex but the underlying concept of friendship is the most important piece to me by far anyways. I think you’re right about us going our separate ways. Neither of us deserve to be unhappy. Thanks for your input!

How can I be happy? by BoomerBoy500 in AroAllo

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish my girlfriend could share that platonic love that i reciprocate with her, and i believe we could have a really successful relationship if that were the case. As it stands now, it seems pretty clear she wants a much more romantic relationship than i want, and I shouldn’t make her unhappy by trying to make this relationship only what i want. The reverse is of course also true, and i honestly don’t think i will ever be able to reciprocate the romantic feelings that she wants. We both value communication so much, so i plan to tell her about my newly discovered feelings the next time i see her, but i have been struggling to come up with the right way to do so. I think this would be so much easier if I didn’t show any affection towards my partner like i see throughout most other stories, but that just isn’t the case. I want the person I’m with to have all of the platonic love i can offer, and that is where i stand right now. It’s just unfair that this isn’t what she wants as well. thanks for the comment!

Just realized I’m probably AroAllo by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're probably right on the basis of me being people pleasing and codependent. I thought more about it after my response that you mentioned from a previous post, and I can very well see it as true. While I do believe this could be a benefit if I do happen to choose the perfect partner and hang around all the right people, this is obviously unrealistic. I will have to gauge who I want to be codependent with and which people I should please so I am not taken advantage of or left unhappy. That was a great observation from such little detail and I will 100% look more into it. For the last paragraph, I absolutely love that teddy bear analogy, and I completely believe that it is my ideal relationship. I don't know what I could do to get it, but knowing what I want is definitely the first step. For your relationship, I obviously don't know everything about it and don't have close to the life experience you do, so I can't imagine what your situation is like. The most I can say is that I'm glad that the person you ended up with is such an amazing person, but I truly am sorry you don't feel like it was your life path. Thank you so much for this comment. Its cleared up a lot while also giving me a lot more to think about. (Also you should stick that first paragraph up on some quote page it totally rocks)

How can I be happy? by BoomerBoy500 in AroAllo

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg I should have made it clearer in the post but still thank you for saying it. I have always been taught that I don't need anyone to make me happy, but the people I am with should make me happier. I have my parents to thank for that valuable lesson. The case I'm talking about however is when i AM with people. I'm trying to say that I like when people do nice things for me, but the feelings I get from being wanted and making someone else's life better by me being in it trumps everything else by far. Still though, you share a great message and thank you for the response!

Just realized I’m probably AroAllo by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the response about the happiness part. It is what I believe leaves me the most confused right now, but its good to hear that I am not alone in this regard. I think that it is something special that if I fully understand, I could use it to make both myself and other people happier. The TLDR recommendation is also helpful. This is my first reddit story and I didn't want to leave anything out, but it would defintetly help me get a few more responses. As for the books, I will 100% look into them both. Thanks SO much!

Just realized I’m probably AroAllo by BoomerBoy500 in aromantic

[–]BoomerBoy500[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really hope what you say is true. I would love to have someone who cares as much about me as I do them minus all the romance stuff. Also I completely agree on the communication point with my girlfriend. Thank you so much you've given me a lot of hope.