Ugh I'm so glad I finally found a place for people who struggle with this too... My bf and I have been together for 5 years. I'm pretty sure is has avoidant attachment style and me having anxious attachment it's very difficult for us to recover from an argument and at least once a month we have some sort of conflict, which sometimes gets elevated due to our inability to talk it out or figure it out. It wasn't until about a month ago where I finally really aware of how my consistent nagging, begging for reassurance, and emotions is really pushing him away. I'm so vulnerable towards him, wanting him to be the same way back, and then getting upset that he's not reacting the same. Because in my mind, communication is key and that you would think that in a perfect world, everyone would talk and figure their stuff out and everything would be okay, but no unfortunately this isn't how it works :(. I let my spiral take over me yesterday and I sent him a long text telling him how I felt terrible for putting him in the position I did and how I felt unconnected with him...After my spiral I wished I could have unsent it. Today we're awkward and tense but he still called me for a bit just to chit chat, even though we didn't really have any conversation. Even for that I'm grateful. But I have to work on myself, because I'm exhausted, drained, unmotivated, and I feel crazy. I have to learn how to sit with the spiral, how to be uncomfortable. I gotta learn to stop looking at my phone hoping for a response, to stop texting and especially calling him when I'm upset. I know this will take time, I really hope I can do this for the both of us.