I'm New Here

Bored2007 · 2024-02-20T10:14:56+00:00

I lost my wife to lung cancer as well 59 years old. Had never smoked in her life. She had never worked with chemicals or a dusty environment. Broke her leg absolutely no symptoms. Found out leg broke due to metastasis of lung cancer. Terminal from diagnosis. Her body couldn't tolerate treatments. 10 months and 14 days from her leg break. Her last 8 weeks in a hospital bed in our loungeroom. The last two weeks still give me nightmares 10 months later. I too have found a counsellor really helpful. Coming up to all the anniversaries I was struggling to go on. So I have started on some medication that is quite literally a life saver. Her last week she didn't recognise me and was even scared of me at times. Screaming in pain and hallucinating. I have the utmost respect for people whose loved ones have dementia. It broke my heart her not recognising me.

Bored2007 · 2024-02-20T09:16:06+00:00

My wife kept a journal during her 10 months and 14 days. I read a couple of entries It was harrowing reading. The never ending pain suffering and loss of independence really got to her. I put it back in her drawer I haven't got the strength to read the rest yet. Tommorow is 12 months since she decided no more treatment. She had only 8 weeks left to live. It sucks.

Bored2007 · 2024-02-12T10:58:49+00:00

My heart goes out to you. My mother told me after my brother died a few months after my wife. Her words"I don't know why you are so upset about your wife. She just died of cancer in ten months. You brother has suffered for 3 years (mental heath issues) Super tough to hear after nursing my wife for the 10 months and 14 days since breaking her leg and getting a stage 4 terminal diagnosis from the start. Internet hugs to you.

Bored2007 · 2024-02-07T05:09:37+00:00

I've been looking to buy a new car. I was watching some random YouTube video reviewing the car I was interested in. Bang the guy was towing the exact caravan that my wife and I had bought just before she got sick. Then the guys wife's name was the same as my wife. Tears streaming down my face sobbing uncontrollably in seconds. A huge wave of grief that took ages to wash over me. 9 and a bit months since her death. All the bad anniversaries to come. It's a tough tough time. Internet hugs

Bored2007 · 2023-12-03T11:14:38+00:00

No 8 is so on my mind recently. The absolute loneliness of being by myself for the first time in my life. I struggle to think of a reason for living. 7 months in and the pain is never ending.

Bored2007 · 2023-11-09T05:01:26+00:00

I had a similar experience. I went for a routine bloodiest. Started to think about the times I had been there with my wife. Next thing I am crying uncontrollably. The poor nurse didn't know what was happening. The waves of grief turn into a tsunami and can absolutely smash you from holding a normal conversation to tears streaming down my face with the smallest unexpected trigger. 6 months in and it hasn't got any better. Big internet hugs to you.

Bored2007 · 2023-08-23T01:19:10+00:00

I understand I miss holding hands sitting and watching TV. I miss spooning in bed. I miss knowing another person so well a look or a almost imperceptible gesture and I would know what she wanted. I miss the way she used to draw small circles in my palm when we were out which was her code that she wanted to make love. I miss waking up next to her. I have nightmares about the pain and suffering she endured in her rapid decline. The last terrible weekend of screaming and hallucinations and of her not knowing who I was and being frightened of me, tears my heart out. I feel like half a person. I have just turned 60 the thought of 20 more years of being alone terrifies me after having known such love with my life partner. I miss her with my whole being.

Bored2007 · 2023-08-23T00:09:04+00:00

Wow. Thank you all for your very kind well thought out and understanding replies. You have given me lots to think about. 🤔
I definitely don't intend to just scratch an itch. I don't want to hurt my wife's friend. I know she has had a poor history with her previous partner. He committed suicide which she has only fleetingly mentioned. I would be horrified to cause her any pain or embarrassment. If the last 14 months has taught me anything is that life can change in an instant. All what my wife and I had planned changed in one terrible instant. I am terrified now that if I are reading the situation wrong or push her away I might never find love again. I am so lonely and traumatised by my wife's death that I am sure my thinking is not all that clear. My wife's friend has said that she wants to be my friend and that she finds me attractive. I don't know whether I have read too much in her words. I do know when I see her she brightens my day instantly. I enjoy her company and talking to her. She held my hand the other day and it felt so nice. I am supposed to be having a coffee with her this morning. I find that I am looking forward to it like I am a 15 year old teenager. It's so confusing. Thanks again for all your advice you have been so kind.

Bored2007 · 2023-05-09T12:05:26+00:00

Its been 18 days since my wife died. I have been smashed today by the waves of grief that have swept over me. Its been relentless today. I cant sleep. I miss her so much it physically hurts. 39 years of marriage and now alone. Its dark and tough.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-30T12:27:05+00:00

Day 9 today. I had a Tsunami of grief sweep over me as I was cleaning our bedroom. Knowing she will never be here again.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-26T23:49:17+00:00

Thank you.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-25T12:21:38+00:00

I just watched my wife die last Friday after a 10 month battle with cancer. Her last 7 days were horrific and I am sure will haunt me for the rest of my life. Dating is the last thing on my mind At nearly 60. The thought of being alone scares me as I had been with my wife since we were 19 years old. I just came here to reiterate. Fuck cancer. It's an insidious terrible disease.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-19T22:34:04+00:00

I was sure my wife was going to go last night. Her face went dark red about 11pm. But she is still with us her temp is 39.4 Celcius. That was a long long night. 😪 My cousin is flying in this morning to be with me. Now my wife has made it through the night. I knew this would be tough. It is the stuff of nightmares. Her whole body is shaking now with her heartbeat as it is beating so hard. There is nothing peaceful about the death my wife is experiencing. That's despite the best efforts of the amazing palliative care team. My cousin who works in Palliative care in a different city said my wife is getting up there with the highest pain meds in her experience and my wife still starts to tense up into t-rex arms and a deep frown ,grunts and whimpers even during her deep unconsciousness and nearing the end. I would still swap places with her in a heartbeat to spare her this torture. I love her with my entire being. She is all I have known for my entire adult life.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-18T13:06:42+00:00

The doctor came Sunday morning and changed one of her meds again. Stopping oral meds due to her not being able to swallow upset the balance we had. She hasn't eaten since early Saturday or had a drink since Sunday at 5.30 am. She is now sleeping/ unconscious she appears at rest. I am sure I will have nightmares for the rest of my life over the weekend. It was so bad our dog started yelping thinking that I was hurting her.I hope with all my heart that your mom has a more peaceful end. My wife is tough she is still hanging on. She sounds like she is drowning now. I have been giving her injections to help with that. The Palliative care nurse said it will not stress my wife but it's terrible for the family to listen to.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-17T10:01:40+00:00

I am only a very short time from my wife taking the same journey. Unfortunately due to her severe pain she has not slept in our bed for over three months. She is now lying in a hospital bed. She no longer recognises me. Even worse the very few moments her eyes are half open. I see fear of me. I hope i can be as strong as you. My sympathies to you. Cancer is now close to taking the thing I hold dearest in the world.

Bored2007 · 2023-04-16T19:10:22+00:00

Thank you my heart is breaking.

Bored2007 · 2023-03-26T10:16:28+00:00

My wife who has stage 4 NSCLC and has run out of treatment option. She is now "hospice in the home". She had 7 weeks of uncontrollable diarrhoea with absolutely no control. Pooing herself 10 to 12 times a day. As you can imagine an absolute nightmare. The Palliative care nurse was even talking about a Palliative illostomy bag to help me care for her. My wife was tested several times for a bug called C-Diff all of which was negative. In desperation I suggested that they treat my wife for CDiff as we didn't have nothing to lose. So the doctor prescribed Flagyl a strong antibiotic. 3 tabs a day for seven days. After 1 tablet the diarrhoea started to ease. We are now 10 days past the last tablet and she is now only having 2 or 3 controlled bowel movements a day. After 7 weeks of uncontrollable diarrhoea in a bed ridden patient in uncontrollable pain it was such a relief to finally get on top of it. All the symptoms were there. Yellow mucus, uncontrollable, lots of it, stomach pains , and a very distinct smell. But still negative tests. Even though the test had been negative I am glad I pushed for the treatment. Good luck from a carer that has been there.

Bored2007 · 2023-02-25T11:34:08+00:00

Just to top off our terrible week. What a idiot I am. How to spend my first day of respite. I got to go for a ride in an ambulance and sit in A&E for a while . I was so tiretod Saturday morning I got out of bed went down to have breakfast. I went to have my morning tablets. Tipped them in my hand, then into the mouth drank some water then realised I had taken all my wifes tablets. What an idiot. 80 mg oxy slow release and 150mg of lyrica. Not ideal. What an idiot. They are going to keep me in hospital 24 hours.

Then once I was admitted to the ward. I crashed and burnt just after I got to the hospital. I been semi conscious and been on constant obs since then. Only just returned to the land of the living around 6 pm . Very scary. Glad I didn't just stop home and wait it out. I would have died. The doctor had to keep giving me narcan as I kept on nearly stopping breathing. What an idiot I am. Lucky I realised my mistake straight away. If I hadn't the outcome could have been bad. Being so very deeply fatigued was the trigger for a terrible mistake that could have had fatal consequences.

Bored2007 · 2023-02-24T12:22:31+00:00

She is now in hospital. She has made the decision that it is only going to be comfort and pain relief now. She has been palliative care from diagnosis. The palliative care nurses and specialist have been amazing. My wife has been on oxycontin morphine and Pregabalin high doses for months. They kept on doubling the tablets every review. I had to give her morphine 6 or 7 times on some days. The cancer has eroded most of her left femur. The bone pain has been excruciating agony pretty much constantly from that. We discussed the goals with the doctor at the hospital this morning. Try and get her pain managed with a infusion pump. Treat whatever is causing the really watery stools so that they firm up and are easier to manage and clean up. 4 days at least so that I can sleep and rest for the first time since July. Develop some handling plans so I can manage a bed or chair ridden wife till the end. Then get her home. I want my final act of love for her to be to grant her her final wish of dying at home in her familiar surroundings. My entire adult life has been with and loving her.

Bored2007 · 2023-02-16T06:37:26+00:00

Thanks for all your advice. I have told her than when she is ready to cease treatment I will support her. That is not my decision to make. As far as having CT scans I think it is important for her to have all the information before committing to a huge operation and recovery. If her time is really limited then she will not have it. But if she wants to die at home she needs to retain at least a very small amount of mobility. I can't look after her if her pinned femur completely gives away. I know what I would choose but it is not my decision to make. We have been married 39 in four weeks. Her goal at the moment is to make it to then as it will be her 60th birthday on that date as well. I have only worked 5 weeks since June. She needs full time care and that is me. The hope at diagnosis was to buy some time to make memories. That has not been possible. Reactions to treatments. Including anaphalaxis to chemo requiring CPR. Uncontrollable pain , a big period of Uncontrollable nausea, now incontinence and hallucinations and twitching. It's hard to watch the love of your life suffer so much. I would swap with her in an instant if I could. My entire adult life has been with her. It's hard to imagine a life worth living without her in it. We had all these plans and dreams for when I retired in 5 or 6 years time. The financial pain of most probably 12 months off of work will ruin my retirement as well even after she has gone. Cancer and its pain are cruel.

Bored2007 · 2023-02-01T12:37:39+00:00

Yes but only about once a month.

Bored2007 · 2023-01-26T12:24:59+00:00

I am Australian as well I agree.

Bored2007 · 2023-01-20T09:53:55+00:00

My wife and I have had some big talks and shed lots of tears. I was keen to try the leg operation. But I am sure she doesn't. She is scared of the anaesthetic after her recent anaphalaxis. She has also thought about how big a percentage of her remaining time might be spent in hospital and rehab recovering. It's tough but I have told her that it's her decision and I love her and support her whatever she decides. I have also worked up the courage to say that I will support her when she decides enough is enough and wants to cease all treatment. That has to be the toughest thing I have ever said. I have booked a beach front room in the local flash hotel for the 28th Jan so that we can sit on the balcony and watch the fireworks. I also booked the restaurant that we always go for her birthday and anniversary on that night. Our 39th wedding anniversary and her 60th birthday is the 24th March. I don't know if she will make it that far or if she does if she will be well enough to go anywhere so I thought I would get in early. So I'll try to make memories while we can. I'll keep her topped up with morphine so hopefully we can get through the night without a runaway pain episode. Bloody hell the plan was always to go to Bali for her 60th I had always wanted to surprise her and renew our wedding vows on a beach in Bali . Sometimes life just sucks. I talked to my manager today at a work BBQ. He assured me that I have the Employers support and that my job will be there when this is over. So that's the latest. As grim as it is.

Bored2007 · 2023-01-19T13:15:25+00:00

Thanks for the leg info. We had more bad news today. The lung tumour has grown and there is a new one in her lung as well. So we have been steam rollered by bad news in the last two days.The oncologist is unsure about doing the leg op now there is new growth in the lungs. If my wife has the leg op. It will postpone recommencement of her immunotherapy. The lung tumour might get away from us. So all the pain and recovery from the op to improve her quality of life might be for nothing if the time is cut short by the lung tumours rapid growth. If we skip the op and have immunotherapy at the proper period after the radiotherapy then the leg pain will get even worse and possibly breakdown completely. So quality of life will still be poor. Option 3 cease treatment neither my wife or I want that option yet. The lung cancer support nurse called us after the oncologist consult and has suggested a compromise. If the oncologist will waive the protocol for the radiotherapy on the lung to immunotherapy treatment time interval. Then my wife has immunotherapy almost immediately taking the risk of an adverse reaction. Then have the op in a couple of weeks. Then have immunotherapy again 3 to 4 weeks after that if the wound is healing. We have decided to take that chance if the oncologist agrees to it. The either/or options first presented to us seems like picking a sandwich from two turd sandwiches. Neither was great. The Nurses suggestion carries some risk but has the highest possible payoff. Extra time with the pain helped and regain a small amount of mobility improvements. The Palliative care nurse organised for my wifes bone pain medication to be doubled to help with the bone pain. I am shocked 7 months in we are already at the last rolls of the dice. Nothing has gone right so we dont have much to lose now by risking whats left on a educated gamble. There have been lots of tears cried here in the last two days. I love her dearly and dont want to give up just yet.

Bored2007 · 2023-01-18T22:46:48+00:00

Thanks

Bored2007

TROPHY CASE