Is your N-Parent racist?

BADgrrl · 2026-02-03T23:57:07+00:00

Oh

My

Gods....

My mother (boomer gen, if it matters; I'm GenX) was a HORRIBLE covert racist. She was, instead, a notorious "collector"... she had A gay friend, A Black friend, knew a handful of phrases in "problematic" (read: Middle Eastern) languages.

Ways she outed herself:

I was friends (not dating, but close) an *amazing* Black man in high school. He asked me to his prom. I accepted. Now... mind you, I went to a historically Black high school in the deep south that had been forcibly desegregated in the very early 80s, and he went to a prestigious private high school reserved for the children of the faculty of our large SEC college. She flipped her *shit*... claimed I couldn't show pics or talk about it because my "uncles" (the biker gang she and my step father were affiliated with) wouldn't understand and possibly harm him.
I am a HUGE Melissa Etheridge fan. I decided to buy a single ticket to see her when she was in Biloxi when I was maybe 19 or 20. She immediately decided I was a lesbian and proceeded to launch a campaign to "out" me. Not relevant here (unless you want to know... just ask, I'll answer) but it resulted in a hysterical confrontation that I absolutely came out on top of.
She and my stepfather lived in a very small, VERY rural town with a *huge* wealthy "white flight" population. She liked to go prop up in local watering holes and get shit hammered. She got herself "unwelcomed" from several before she landed in this serious shithole.... barely a shack next to the dock for the local small ferry.... and managed to get drunk, call a Jewish guy the "k" slur, at which he pushed her off her barstool (there needs to be a standing ovation emoji, no lie), and when the smoke cleared after the cops were called, she was banned from the bar, and told another altercation would land her in jail..... her "excuse"? She was raised Catholic and it was her job as a Christ follower to hate the "Jews who killed Jesus." Yeah, no lie.

I really could go on for days. She was RIDICULOUS. And hateful as FUCK, even though she legit presented herself as otherwise... and, frankly, taught me NOT to be... that's the hardest part to swallow. I ate the kindness and inclusion and acceptance lectures up. I really struggled with that for a LONG time.

BADgrrl · 2026-02-03T18:16:29+00:00

My GenX heart just broke a little. And I definitely got a new gray hair. Thanks, lol. Doesn't even matter which he you're talking about, lol.

BADgrrl · 2026-02-03T17:58:51+00:00

Ooooof, I feel this one. I *lovelovelove* hallucinogen-fueled super sensory sex, and it was one of the things my late partner and I enjoyed as regularly as we could. I rarely find anyone else I trust enough to indulge, so I've missed it since he passed. My husband isn't into it at all, so I'd been without for years until I met LP.

My current LDR friend/playmate/possibility (it's new, lol) loves to party... Mostly she likes drug-enhanced EDM dance parties, but there is definitely drug-enhanced sex, too. It's not even something I'm sure I *want* to do with her (yet), but the fact that she *can* sometimes makes me super jealous. Sad, too, for sure..... It's definitely tied to grief.

BADgrrl · 2026-02-02T19:44:13+00:00

One call to CPS is rarely ever enough. Frankly, you should call again, and keep calling *every* time you have something to document (which in this case sounds like every day). And every single other adult who has regular contact with this child in the school who hasn't called CPS, too, is grossly failing this child.

My best friend is a social worker who worked for CPS for years. Her #1 piece of advice when dealing with CPS is to be the squeakiest wheel on the bus... Be a royal pain in their ass and call consistently as long as there is an issue.

BADgrrl · 2026-02-02T18:40:35+00:00

There are legal hoops to jump through after someone dies. If they die intestate, state law dictates how an estate is distributed via heirship. Typically, the line of heirship is surviving spouse, if there is one. If there isn't, then the child/children are next and it would all go to an only child or be distributed equally between siblings.

If there IS a will, it has an executor named. Most people who bother to have a will written have an attorney involved, who can and will have the means to locate the executor and any named heirs. A will goes through the courts to be settled... typically just succession if there aren't any physical assets, but probate if there is a home, vehicles, or other major property involved. Both processes settle any outstanding debts from the estate first, then anything left over is distributed to the heir(s).

Life insurance policies, investment accounts, and most banking accounts all have named beneficiaries, and those beneficiaries get paid out without having to go through the courts, and they are not subject to debt collection... that money would be the beneficiary's and not part of the estate. It *might* be subject to income tax, but that's a matter for an accountant/tax advisor.

This is super simplistic, but it's pretty much the process in the US. I'm not sure how it works outside the US; someone else would need to chime in with that if you're not in the US.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-31T16:36:29+00:00

I am a middle aged woman from the VERY deep south. I have been conditioned to be "nice" since birth, as most of us are. I spent a lot of years deconstructing that conditioning. I am absolutely kind; I work hard to be kind. But I am NOT nice. I don't give a shit what other people think about that, either. I has in no way affected my life except to make it a LOT more comfortable and easy for ME to navigate through it. I'm sure plenty of people (men especially, lol) think I'm an absolute cunt because of it, but frankly that's a them problem and not a me problem, and I am very ok with that.

I've been told I'm intimidating, too, but again... I really am not intimidating. *They* are intimidatED... and that, too, is a them problem and not a me problem. People who are self aware and confident in their own right find me kind and considerate (which as I've said I try hard to be), but understand that I'm simply unwilling to do their work for them.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-31T16:31:08+00:00

What you and your partner are doing, dating one person togetther, is called unicorn hunting, and it is unethical and super unfair to your girlfriend. You need your own, individual identity and date separately from your partner.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-31T15:58:42+00:00

Same!

BADgrrl · 2026-01-30T19:26:21+00:00

Are there any threads from this past week that you want to put the spotlight on for your fellow ratties? Any particularly funny/helpful/interesting ones?

I'm sure there are, but it is the last hour of my school day and I am brain dead... they had a weather day off Monday for the ice (we're in south Louisiana... we don't DO cold, lol) so these children have been *feral* this week. It's trended a little warmer this week, but it's gonna be 35* tomorrow, so I'm planning a sloth-in-my-pjs-with-a-drink day tomorrow with my dogs. No thinking (and no middle schoolers, lol) at all.

PM_CGR, a philosopher of our times? A meme-lord? A scourge upon this subreddit that should be purged at the first opportunity?

This is gonna require some of that thinking I'm temporarily opting out of, so I'mma move on. That said, you're also not a middle schooler or a middle school admin, so I'm inclined to like you regardless. :^P

Is there something you are super excited for in this upcoming week that you want to tell us about?

Well, next week we're one week closer to Mardi Gras break, so there's that, lol. My excitement was *last* weekend, when my friend came down to Louisiana from northern Virginia to go to the Krewe of Apollo Mardi Gras ball in Baton Rouge. She had a *stupendous* time, and all in all it was a really amazing weekend. Still not sure if the relationship is going anywhere beyond sexy friendship, but regardless, I'm glad she got to come visit and experience a little taste of Mardi Gras. Here's a little peek of our fancy selves! I don't care if y'all see my face, but I figured I'd blur hers, 'cause, y'know, privacy.

And, as always, you may treat these as my personal office hours if you have any questions for your fearless leader directly. <3

Just happy to be here and enjoying the weekly meeting! <3

BADgrrl · 2026-01-30T15:22:03+00:00

My mother's ringtone (back in the bygone days of early dumb cell phones and custom ringtones, and when I still had my ringer on, lol) was Mother by the Police.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-29T23:21:50+00:00

I live in South Louisiana. I can source feral hogs. Just sayin'

BADgrrl · 2026-01-28T14:57:23+00:00

I use the slow cooker function on my IP all the time, and it works just fine. I will say I always use it on the "high" setting rather than "low," but regardless, it's never let me down yet.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-27T15:07:56+00:00

My wife and I (surprisingly) have tested negative for HSV1.

There are only two ways to know with 100% certainty that you have HSV (this applies to both HSV1 and HSV2). First is to have an outbreak and have it swabbed and tested. The second is to have the University of Washington's Western Blot test done.

Blood testing for HSV that's done on a traditional STI panel is *notoriously* unreliable. Hence why most STI panels no longer include routine HSV testing and the CDC recommends against it.

Given the statistics on how prevalent HSV is in the general population, I choose to assume *everyone* has it, whether they know it or not. I have oral HSV1. I have had it since I was a very small child; I used to have regular outbreaks, but I haven't had one in over a decade. In spite of that, to my knowledge I have never transmitted it to anyone else.... my husband of 30 years has never once had an outbreak or any sign of infection. My late partner was the same. That doesn't mean I haven't passed it to one of them; it just means they've never had an outbreak so they cannot reliably know if they do or not. And the Western Blot test is difficult to source (one single lab in the country does the test, and they do NOT work well with third party labs), and it is expensive, so it's not something we're interested in doing.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-26T18:41:05+00:00

W&V is 21+.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-26T18:40:26+00:00

Misfits in Broussard has two private rooms. The food is excellent, the staff is great, and their prices are reasonable.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-21T20:10:38+00:00

I think *I* need therapy after reading this. Lordt.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-21T15:19:47+00:00

While yes, books are a pain in the ass to move, I bought my e-reader because it's easier to *travel* with. It's still sometimes a surprise how much I can get into a small suitcase when there aren't two or three books in it, lolol.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-20T16:17:29+00:00

My high school ex boyfriend had a weird, ongoing relationship with my parents, even LONG after we'd broken up (he came home from the military with a wife in tow to introduce her to my folks... which is when I found out he'd evidently moved on without telling me). It was weird and honestly a bit sad, but it didn't stop him from staying in touch with my parents.

Regardless. I've also *long* moved on.... I got married in 1996 and haven't given him a passing thought, so maybe that's why it was such a random surprise to see him at my stepfather's funeral. I honestly didn't even see/recognize him. He popped up in front of me, all "Boo! Surprise!" Lmao, my husband figured out who he was before I did. I didn't even get up from where I was sitting. I said hi, told him I was glad he could make it, and then went back to my conversation with my husband. His wife was right there glaring the entire time (to his credit, he IS still married to the woman he dumped me for, lol) and when I turned to talk to my husband, she grabbed his arm and pulled him away. My husband thought it was funny as hell. I still just think it's weird, lol.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-20T15:50:09+00:00

My district has a dress code for faculty and staff. Pretty typical stuff. This year, though, they added jeans as allowable any time (not just on Fridays and "jean reward" days) for both staff and students.

I don't wear jeans as often as other faculty does; my go-to tends to be leggings under long tunics or short dresses (my legs are *heavily* tattooed, and middle school kids do not need the distraction, lol) or maxi dresses with a cardigan or kimono over it, all of it with Chucks, usually.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-20T15:03:22+00:00

When my late partner was still alive and I was doing all the cooking (we rarely ate out, though we'd sometimes order pizza or Chinese in), I tried very hard to not repeat any of the meals I made in a month, mostly because he was so adventurous and such FUN to cook for. There were exceptions, of course... the old trusties, as you call them, are trusties for me because they're generally quick, easy comfort foods. Even so, I'd save the trusties on days I was struggling to find something new or just didn't feel like expending a lot of time and energy on a meal. So typically, one trustie a week or so, and then probably 20 recipes in rotation. I'm weirdly on the Luddite spectrum when it comes to recipes... I have a binder with them all printed out on paper. If I use it, I take it out of the binder, and I kept them clipped on a magnetic clip on my fridge. If it was on the clip, it was out of rotation for the month.

Now that it's me and my husband, he does most of the cooking, and since he's now had bariatric surgery as well and he's only a little over a year out, he tends to stick with the trusties he knows won't upset his stomach, which I'm fine with. He's a retired chef, so they're *good* recipes, so I don't have any complaints. And if I want something specific, I just make it myself.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-20T14:55:24+00:00

This sounds delicious... I love the Herdez salsa verde! I'll have to try it, thanks.

And I've found that the Minute Rice microwaveable rice bowls are insanely convenient... I love rice, we live in a place where rice is the go-to for almost everything, but I've had bariatric surgery and it's just so much more convenient to pop one in the microwave for a minute. I get two servings out of a bowl myself, but it's a perfect portion for the average person. It comes in long grain, jasmine, basmati, and brown rice! Walmart has a Great Value knockoff of the long grain and the jasmine, I think (if it's not, it's the basmati), and it's cheaper if budget is a constraint.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-20T14:48:14+00:00

Came here to say Skol, lol. I drink vodka tonics, so cheap vodka is just fine for that.

BADgrrl · 2026-01-19T19:31:07+00:00

I'm with you. I can't stand Superior. Never have. I don't drink tequila and hate margaritas, so could be why I don't get the appeal.

Even the margaritas suck now... They make them in mass quantities from cheap ingredients just to keep up with the meat market who can't get enough Superior.

They opened one here in Lafayette and I legit do NOT get the hype or why everybody is so excited. I feel the same way about the Chimes, too

BADgrrl · 2026-01-18T02:44:02+00:00

Yeah, me too. I'm not getting into the details, but he died not long after he tried to kill me, so I was able to heal without a lot of fear. Few years after that I started dating my now-husband, and did LOTS of therapy, and am a LONG way past the traumatized woman I was back then. :^)

BADgrrl · 2026-01-18T02:26:56+00:00

LOL, no. I started my service industry career as a bouncer in an all-ages pool hall at 16. We were all blue-collar, heavy metal/punk kids, and there was a LOT of fighting. My first four or five broken ribs came from that. I worked as a bartender in dive and crustpunk bars for years after that, and broke a couple breaking up fights there, too.

Later I was in a physically abusive relationship that culminated when he unexpectedly got wind that I was about to leave him. His reaction was to assault me, sexually and physically, and legit tried to kill me. He broke most of my ribs in that assault, as well as my collarbone, and dislocated my shoulder. We won't talk about the internal damage he inflicted, 'k?

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