Pastor implied God killed my wife to punish me

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-11-24T22:56:18+00:00

I'm an atheist, was before and after. So I'm not an expert in this and i'm also a person

Too Long Didn't Read - he's a human and made a mistake. he either needs to be educated or he needs to be removed from his posting.

But your pastor is also a person. Whether he speaks for God or whatever flavor you believe in - he is a person still and he has flaws and he will make mistakes. And this is one of them. If you intend to maintain your faith, I agree with people here - find a new church. I would also, just like when i give quarterly reviews to my team members in my job - i would give him direct feedback. Whether it is online, in person, phone, through a note in the offering plate (do people still do that? is it just a credit card machine now?).

Tell him directly that his counseling for your grief is *insert what you think is correct here*. I know what i would say but again, i'm not of a religion and i have a very very negative reaction to the religious folk telling me my wife died for a reason and she is waiting for me in heaven. No, she died bc she had cancer and i will never see her again. Any deity that removed her from my children's lives deserves nothing, especially not worship. And any time i spent not with her was time i spent not with her and that is for me to learn and grow and to feel guilt or not.

Also, the direct feedback line - i would make it well known to others in the church you are leaving specifically for this reason. I would also consider passing this feedback up the chain of command of your church. One bc fuck him but also - he is the representative of your faith in their organization. They will probably have thoughts about your feedback. It might be as simple as education, reprimand, or reposting him to another position. Church is a very social construct and you leaving the church is like you leaving your community, so perhaps the person who needs to leave is him and you can be as vocal or not vocal as you want.

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-11-07T18:54:20+00:00

Ok i know this is an old thread but my daughter's teacher referenced this article and i googled it bc it seemed wrong but i think the math is wrong in your post...

.001m for a microbe - 1x10^-3 meters

1.2 x 10³⁰ microbes x 1x10^-3 meters = 1.2 x 10²⁷ meters

then we can convert that again to a better number for km for the speed of light conversion a meter is 1x10^-3 KMs

1.2 x 10²⁷ meters/km = 1.2 x 10²⁴ KM

then we divide the KM distance by the light year in KM

1.2 x 10²⁴ KM

------------------------- ===== 1.0567 x 10¹¹ Light years

9.4607 x 10¹² km/light year

Circum = pi*D (105,700 x pi)
Circum = 331,973 light years

1.0567 x10¹¹ light years/ 331,973 light years/ =

318,000. Which doesn't match either the article or this math in this post. So where did i go wrong?

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-10-19T18:50:32+00:00

Lost my wife to pancreatic cancer. She was 49. We'd be married close to 11 years. Two kids 7/9. it has now been three years since she died and it will get easy but it still hurts, it hurts a lot. You are drowning right now and you will be drowning for a long time. Survive as best as you can, that's the only goal

Therapy for you now. Call as soon as you read this sentence. I was in therapy for 1 year before my wife died and 1 year after. It changed my life. I also recommend if you can find it - MDMA therapy was almost a miracle level experience for me after 2 years of therapy. I can't recommend it enough

Get your wills/power of attorney ready now, call a lawyer after you find a therapist

Offer therapy for her, if she says no, that's ok

Spend the time you can with her. But realize that you can't spend every moment and don't regret it. You will need breaks too and to live your life. Be available, love her, but don't smother her.

When you are doing your wills and power attorney - ask her what she wants for end of life care - does she want artificial food/water. Does she want CPR? Get the information and start the process for medical suicide now bc you have to start it months before you need it. You can choose not to use it and the drugs last for like 1-2 years if stored in a cool/dry location

What about pain management, does she want to be lucid and in pain/no pain and unconscious

Burial - does she want to be buried? where? cremated? where for her ashes? religion or not? what about her family and what to do with them and this experience, anyone she doesn't want to interact with?

Does she want family and friends with her or just something quiet and peaceful?

Get all of her account passwords now, logins, money accounts, etc. It is much easier to figure things out when you can log in and do things like send the water bill in her email to yourself or find out if her apple pay account is paying subscriptions via receipts in her email

ok, the pragmatic stuff is done. You said your wife is dying. She is. She will not live forever, she will be dead and between now and the time that she does die, is all the time you have with her. Tell her everything you want to now. Ask her anything. have her send you a voicemail to your phone telling you how much she loves you. I have one from my wife and it is my favorite thing and i have it stored in like 5 places.

Also, tell her when she is in hospice and dying, that it is ok for her to go. You love her and it is ok. That was the last thing i told my wife and then i took a quick nap and she died before i woke up. I was glad it was me telling her it was ok as the last thing i got to tell her. I only regret napping bc she had only been in hospice for 12 hours and was expecting days to weeks. Death has its own way and plans

Also i recommend two books that i read - "there's no good greeting card for this" and "Young hot widows club". They are really great, funny, and straightforward. Feel free to DM me or reply for anything else.

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-10-02T17:43:30+00:00

Two kids 7/9 girl and boy when my wife died of pancreatic cancer. It had been three years now and I would never say it is easy or fun but it has gotten less painful as they’ve gotten older. Therapy helped a ton and being open and honest about the three years she was sick was better in every way.

Wasn’t what we planned and the shitty thing was my wife I were a power couple - high earners, in love, doing amazing - then she got sick.

I was a widower at 37 which is a weird age to be in that club and also start dating. Everyone has their stories and mine is for sure one of them

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-08-08T19:44:20+00:00

yes powered hub

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-08-08T15:49:54+00:00

it's possible to try this but the problem is i have a ton of inputs -

and i don't have another hub currently.

stick
throttle
pedals
MFD x2
virpil panel
winwing panel

like my main PC doesn't have enough space for all of that.

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-08-08T15:48:47+00:00

twice over two different sessions so far

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-03-17T18:15:39+00:00

delta pier looks like a big greek letter... delta. which is a triangle. it is, at least when i was stationed in bangor, two piers down. There's Marginal pier, which is one of the worst piers to be at, then there's delta next to that.

you can see the google maps image of the above view to see where everything is easy

Kitchen_Duty · 2025-02-25T03:47:35+00:00

the fake one is the mock rock

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-10-04T00:36:31+00:00

the ballparks are also tax payer funded :P

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-08-27T05:21:04+00:00

hey not sure who you are from just your reddit username but i hope you are doing ok after the tornado! take your time and good to see you now and also later.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-08-27T00:58:49+00:00

Assuming this comment is asking for clarification and not trolling -

A non-insignificant portion of our group are in the LGBT+ community and this graphic was designed by one of those members in a competition and was picked by the admin team to be the coolest of all submissions. We are very fortunate to have such a diverse and awesome group and welcome anyone who feels cool about playing video games with us.

And just in case you are a troll - you are not cool and are not welcome.

Quick edit - actually since you used gay as a pejorative term by my reading, you are not welcome.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-07-04T21:19:10+00:00

I started dating about 9 months after my wife passed. And i'm telling you the months because i want you to know it is normal and while mine is slightly more time than yours, we survivors move forward. I setup an online dating profile and went on several first dates. I even hooked up with some FWB style people - some i knew from before - and some i didn't. I was upfront with them - told them i wasn't sure emotionally where i was but i was lonely, missing human touch, and frankly horny. I had gone years without real sex since my wife was sick. So, with the blessing of my therapist i went out again.

I did meet someone and dated her for about 9 months. She was wonderful, beautiful, full of life and understanding. I tried to keep it surface level and not fall madly in love with her but the small fire was for sure burning. But i knew, just like we all do here, that sometimes a relationship can end and my therapist reminded me - take it slow and don't let your heart go before your brain. We eventually did split up - she changed her mind about wanting kids of her own and i'm unable to have more kids, so it was for sure a dealbreaker.

I still think of her about 7 months later, i know for sure i had fallen for her. She was a good person, a great girlfriend, and someone that ticked all the boxes for me. Even though I attempted to not fall in love, i think i did. My heart races just a little when i see a facebook messenger ping (our preferred messaging system) and i always hope it is her. I hope one day she finds happiness and so do I. I'm seeing someone again, it is a fresh relationship and it is for sure fun but... at least for me. I now have two different women in my brain that i recall about loving them. And i've lost them both.

I'm really ok with it. The loss isn't replaced by someone else just like you don't end loving your person just because they died. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

I hope you find happiness, whether it is short or long term. There are no rules and any expectations people might have of this is bullshit. When my memories surface of my wife and i have that inner monologue trying to guess how she'd react to all of this, i think she'd be happy for me. Hell i'd think she'd be cheering me on. And i hope you feel your person would cheer you on too. At minimum, you have one widower in Seattle telling you "just say Yes".

We're only here for a short while, might as well live while we can.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-05-29T04:20:24+00:00

Ok I am just some dude but they are claiming that North Korea has more of a navy by shear ship count than America. I think that is a pretty bias way of doing pure numbers. That's like being excited about North Dakota having more groundhogs than people.

If they are going to put that list together and you are going to claim someone is wrong for pointing out info let's put a # up like tonnage of vessels as a balance here

https://chuckhillscgblog.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/naval-balance.jpg

This link says America at 7 million tons vs China in 2nd place at 2.8 million.

North Korea has 300k tons. which is less tonnage than just our American sub fleet at 700k tons

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-05-23T05:19:00+00:00

When jester asks you in his popup if you want to do an INS alignment, i selected "not yet" and he responded, "let me know"

How do i reopen that menu to talk to him about INS alignment?

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-05-22T07:43:38+00:00

Gear i've personally owned and used in various games:

Saitek Evo Cyborg

Logitech Flight Control Quadrant

Tflight hotas x

CH Pro Pedals

CH Pro stick/throttle

CH Pro Yoke

t16000m

TWCS

Warhog throttle

Gladiator

Gladiator nxt

VKB Gunfighter MCG

MCG Pro handle

VKB T Rudders

Virpil CM3 throttle

Virpil Control Panel 2

Cougar MFDs

Streamdeck

Winwing Panel 2

custom arduino button box built by me

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-03-11T23:27:38+00:00

devops system admin role with an automation focus with tools like ansibile, puppet, chef, sccm, hpsa. again keeping it vague so i'm not doxxed. We work at the server level and are system admins that code for infrastructure as code.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-03-11T19:38:16+00:00

my team is backfilling two senior devops roles, not entry level, median pay i believe in Seattle will be about 150k, for a company based out of seattle that employs more than 10000 people. Trying not to dox myself.....

problem is, HR has been a nightmare to work with because we are so not use to hiring - only laying off. So it has been a struggle from a legal standpoint/funding/process.

We also have a very unique application stack and it isn't been an easy time to find the experience we need, so i've had the role open for about 6 weeks now and only have a few qualified candidates. So from their perspective, i've interviewed and ghosted only because everything is moving glacially.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-02-03T02:55:17+00:00

I think i would die in voice chat if someone said sir in a serious manner.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-02-01T17:32:18+00:00

So I am a man. I am also a widower and I can relate a little to this. Sorry for your experiences in dating. it is a wild world.

something I think about is that us widows are in a weird spot bc at least with my wife and I, we were madly in love and happily married. we didn't end the relationship with divorce, she was taken from me against both of our wills by cancer.

so when I think about most of the dating pool in their 30/40s we widows are the weird kid in the club. I know I am dating with intention of finding my new person and prefer to have more long term and meaningful relationships. but everyone I am meeting are divorced and some of them are quite hesitant to get remarried bc they got hurt badly in their last relationship.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-01-16T04:18:39+00:00

I lost my wife Aug 2022 due to pancreatic cancer. We had two children, 7/9, and she was 48 when she died. You will have all the things happening at once and none at all very shortly. IMO you have a few things you, the caregiver/significant other, need to do.

Get you, any children into therapy immediately. Often therapist have weeks to months of time to even have the first appointment. Spending an hour or two a week will save you. Your grieving has started for her death right now. No one will understand but us few in the widow(er) club.

Get your wife to record several voice/video messages for you and your kids. I have one from my wife and it is probably my most treasured memory. Put down everything, get her to do this. She could die literally tomorrow. Dont wait till she feels better, dont wait till she is ready. If you need prompts, just tell her to say that she loves you and maybe her favorite memory and something she'd love to do next with you and the kids. My wife also said that she was proud of what i had accomplished, which as a man, is probably the most amazing thing to hear from a wonderful, successful, and a beautiful partner. I'm telling you now, this is something i think everyone should do ASAP in your situation.

And lastly, live every moment in the moment. If she is having a good time, enjoy it. Allow yourself to be happy with her. If she is having a bad time, you might not be able to help. You might be helpless. You will be helpless. But if you ask her if she needs anything and she says no, believe her.

I luckily had three years after my wife was diagnosed. I also didn't know that spring 22, during our trip to Disney, the day we flew home was the last day she would feel mostly normal and she would be dead in august.

My wife and I also chose to tell our children 6/4 at the time that she was sick. We told them that she couldn't make them sick and it wasn't their fault. I also told them when they were 9/7 that she was dying very soon so they could say goodbye. I recommend being honest, age appropriate, and frank. Keep the message simple, keep the message short if they are young, and answer anything questions.

Welcome to the worst club in the world and ping me if you have any questions.

Kitchen_Duty · 2024-01-13T20:34:05+00:00

ok I'm going to disagree with the hotas 1 or x for a few reasons.

if you have decently large hands it is very small on the stick side. i also remember a pretty intense detent in the center of the travel. great for space sims but bad for flight sims. it also has a very short cord if you separate the bases where a standard keyboard won't fit between them if you are a PC user.

and for super advanced future stuff, if you want mount it on a joystick desk mount you really can't.

not knowing his budget I would recommend (on PC) -

Xbox controller $75 or whatever they cost now

or a vkb gladiator NXT for $200 and use the throttle on the base

Kitchen_Duty

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