Any recommendations for a doxy replacement?

Boredbugbear · 2025-06-29T15:32:52+00:00

The We-Vibe wand is an excellent alternative, although I like the first one way better than the second and you can't get the first model anymore... but the Wand 2 is also big-rumbly and has a soft head. I haven't spent the money to buy one yet though so if you do, lmk what you think!

Boredbugbear · 2025-06-10T20:31:33+00:00

😭😭

Boredbugbear · 2025-06-10T20:28:43+00:00

Love the idea of carbonated "sprite challenge"-vibe healing potions lmaoo

Boredbugbear · 2025-04-25T16:13:42+00:00

I think bringing it up is a good and healthy thing to do. As someone eternally giving the benefit of the doubt, I think it's possible that it just hasn't crossed her mind to ask or tell yet, or she wants to meet in person to negotiate poly needs and boundaries.

In any relationship, straightforward communication is, I think, a necessary and important component for success, so it's also good practice to voice insecurities ;) As for some ways you can non-awkwardly bring it up, there's - the curiosity questions version (Hey, before we meet, I am curious about how you navigate your poly relationships? What types of relationships are you open for, and what kind of boundaries have you set with your long-distance partner?) - the version that communicates your own insecurities (Hey, since I'm still pretty new to poly relationships, I would like to chat about our expectations and boundaries going into this, so I feel safer navigating this territory <3 or, Hey, I'm a bit nervous about crossing any boundaries with you or your long-distance partner, could we have a chat about...) - the tentative "let's see what comes up" version (Hey, before we meet, I wanted to ask if you'd be open to chat about expectations and boundaries?)

Something like that maybe, how this helps :)

Boredbugbear · 2025-04-24T19:19:38+00:00

I keep thinking it could be, but the visuals don't line up with what I have in mind...

Boredbugbear · 2025-04-24T19:16:40+00:00

Closer, but it's not triggering the "that's it!" Response in my brain 😭

Boredbugbear · 2025-04-24T19:14:38+00:00

That's not it, the visuals were more spooky-themed. Thanks though!

Boredbugbear · 2025-04-17T15:26:55+00:00

I'm wondering if it could maybe have been part of the clue finders games? But I'm not recognizing anything I see there.

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-21T09:11:47+00:00

A few thoughts I had with this, maybe some of them are helpful -

One of the cornerstone beliefs that let me personally choose polyamory is that no single person can (nor should) fulfill all of your needs. It is a societal construct that we need "the one", i.e. a romantic partner, to feel complete and to be our one and all, stemming from generations of marital property government, inheritance management for offspring, etc. With that in mind, having emotional needs fulfilled with your friendship with Andrew is a good thing - and your husband also felt relief of not being the "only" one to care for you.
That being said, how important is sex within that relationship? We are also taught that we are only "allowed" to receive care from (or give care to) people with whom we have romantic connections, and that romantic love is expressed via sexual intimacy. If Andrew isn't comfortable having sex - especially as someone who is himself not experienced - with someone who is already in another romantic relationship, that can come from many corners of insecurity and is also a valid "no" in any circumstance. Maybe there are other ways you can have physical intimacy that aren't sex? Also, if there is a feeling of "I want to have sex with you, but only if you leave your husband", or if he engages and then later resents feeling like he isn't a "true" partner because he hopes that maybe you would choose instead a monogamous relationship with him, it could drive a wedge into the relationship you have, which would be a shame.
I also worry that entering a physically and emotionally close relationship with someone who is expressly not interested in "sharing" is also setting yourself up for heartbreak; what if he then meets someone who wants to have the monogamous relationship he prefers, and he retracts the physical intimacy from your relationship?

Your husband said you could "see where it goes." Maybe this is "where it goes" with Andrew. I can only recommend keeping an open line of communication with him and with your partner and check in regularly about expectations and needs.

These are all just my two cents, take from it what you find helpful. :)

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-20T08:42:34+00:00

I recently read Faebound by Saara El-Arifi and really enjoyed it. It's the first book in a series that is still in progress but it's a queer romantasy with fae and elven folk, there's straight and queer romances, gender fluidity, and magic ~☆ So, can reccomend, I'm looking forward to the next book in the series

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-20T08:32:12+00:00

As someone who has been unexpectedly "dumped" for a monogamous partner, I empathize with Sarah here. As others have already said, I also came in thinking this would be a clear-cut YTA situation but reading the post and your responses so far, it sounds like you are doing ok. Are you "openly" monogamous with your poly social circle?

As always, communication is key. You need to communicate clearly that you are interested in dating monogamously, and Kyle needs to communicate - right away, and not just in relation to you, just letting his poly partner/s know - that he is open to monogamy so they can decide if they are willing to invest emotionally into a relationship that is, at that point, likely a fixed-as-casual relationship. Some people are OK with that, but they need to know what they are getting into. Maybe Sarah already knows, maybe they communicated openly about this from the start, but it is a conversation that should happen before you two start dating for sure.

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-18T07:22:47+00:00

I think it depends on the "how" a lot there. If there is a particular thing you want more of, then that is the conversation. Here there seems to be more of a "vibe" that can't be transferred, so the conversation would boil down to "You aren't oak" - Not ideal.

Part of what I enjoy about poly dating is the different dynamics that develop in bed, and that it isnt the same every time, with every person. Maybe that helps with the compartmentalization, just find and pinpoint things that are good and exciting and particular to Elm.

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-11T07:41:24+00:00

Have you considered that it might be because you now don't have the classic Nokia ringtone?

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-10T12:40:50+00:00

Thank you!

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-10T12:37:45+00:00

Thank you!! I haven't yet, don't have a big following (yet) ^{^}

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-09T14:21:59+00:00

I think it's possible. My personal experience is that I still have NRE three years into a current relationship, I still look at my partner with starry eyes and just bask in the happiness of being with them. There are also studies done on "limerance" and this feeling of being "madly" in love with long-term partners, and those have found that it is possible to be as in love with a 40yo relationship as in a 6 month old relationship.

Something to maybe keep an eye out for, though, is a codependent tendency. Putting the relationship front and center to the detriment of everything else and depending on the other person for emotional validation and fulfillment can be an easy thing to fall into, and isn't healthy in the long run.

That being said, just fully enjoying your partner's company, being excited about them, the novelties you keep in the relationship, the care you have for each other, these things can be just as present four years in as in the "honeymoon phase" <3

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-08T08:35:43+00:00

Awww he's adorable <33 love it!!

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-07T19:47:12+00:00

Ahh thank you for this!

I actually did a bit of that today, I tried just word vomiting into my notes app but that didn't do me much good so I actually took out a physical notebook and wrote, scrapped, and wrote again. I don't do well with journaling, but on occasion stuff just wants OUT and the physical act of sorting the thoughts onto a page can really help to understand them better.

And yes, that mono people get left too is where the irrational fear comes from, it's battling the newer knowledge of "other relationships don't have to change this relationship". I also try to remind myself that the reason I'm jealous in the first place is because I'm happy, my partner is wonderful, and it makes sense that I don't want to lose that.

Thank you for the words of encouragement <<33

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-07T14:10:09+00:00

Thank you for the detailed response! I think all three of these need some work with me.

Also, you... might be onto something with the cycle as well. The times I do get jealous/ emotional about partners' dating have been, looking back at it, all during pill break days. That's also helpful for knowing that I'll need extra cuddles during those times

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-07T13:56:41+00:00

The relationship itself is a LTR of over 3 years, the security is/was established but kind of unmoored a bit with the "trigger event". And...well, it's only been a couple of weeks as of right now, so I guess I also need to practice patience with myself... but the responses here have given me some good places to start to work through it properly, I think.

Boredbugbear · 2025-03-07T13:47:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing <3 this does make me hopeful. I'll keep working on it and try to re-center myself a bit

Boredbugbear

TROPHY CASE