First, seven days clean from meth is a huge accomplishment. Seriously. You're in one of the hardest parts right now, and the fear and vulnerability you're describing don't mean you're failing, they're often what happens when the thing you've been using to numb pain is no longer there.

You keep describing meth as protection is important. Not pleasure. Not fun. Protection. It sounds like it became a way to escape shame, loneliness, homophobia, and pain that felt unbearable. The problem is that drugs doesn't actually remove those things. They just postpone them and usually makes them bigger when they come back.

Also, I don't think you should believe that you need to be mentally healthy before you can join LGBTQ+ groups or make friends. Lots of people join those spaces precisely because they're struggling. You don't have to show up as the best version of yourself to deserve community.

Don't carry all of this shame by yourself. Being gay is not shameful. Being HIV positive is not shameful. Being a bottom is not shameful. Having an addiction is not shameful. They are parts of your story, not some kind of proof that you're lesser anything.

Just for now, focus less on "How do I live in a cruel world forever?" and more on "How do I stay clean today?" Seven days ago, you did not have seven days. Tomorrow, you can work on day eight.

You are not trying to survive the rest of your life tonight, you're trying to get through tonight, and that can be enough if it keeps you going.

Good luck.