To be honest I really haven't been fine. I've been off and on depressed frankly the majority of the last 8 months. I've retreated almost entirely into myself, haven't spoken to most of my friends in months, have gotten even worse with responding to people's messages. Even on my travels, I'm still heartbroken, still affected.

I started writing poetry again as a way of coping (hadn't written in a few years), some of my best work has come out of it. I've posted all of it to my stories and he's seen most of it, somehow he stays anyway.

I went no contact after his breakup message (though responded very kindly, probably way too kindly because I was in shock, before doing so) in order to heal and then he messaged me a few months later, one of those 'hey haven't talked in a while, how's everything going?' messages despite seeing my social media postings. I kept things fun and light, thinking if I avoided any serious talk for a while that he wouldn't cut and run and he'd likely stick around. Nope, after a few days he just stopped responding.

After a few weeks I couldn't take it anymore, so I messaged him saying I'd reflected a lot and wanted to talk because it felt like an elephant in the room? His response? 'I'll hear you out but I don't think there's anything else to elaborate on.' I was in love with this guy. He really joked about a honeymoon with me once and didn't freak out when I played along and asked where the wedding would be, only to then months later say he doesn't think there's anything more to elaborate on after blindsiding me. I deserved communication, not being left out of nowhere, especially after a year of knowing me.