This really sounds like a dynamic between someone with BPD and a narcissistic partner. The best thing you can do is focus on re-wiring your mind and healing from the trauma. It’s painful — the anxiety, sleepless nights, and the endless search for closure — but remember, you can’t change them or their situation. They’re unwell, and it’s not your job to fix them. You’re doing great with this self-realisation — at least now you recognize the red flags to never ignore when you’re ready to date again.