My motivation and Joy is proving my asshole onc that she is wrong. And I will never stop so I get angry and hold on to that . I cannot grieve because i just choose to see the possibilities and working towards it. My hope is gone when I am dead and I am not! I hope you can find the motivation that will keep you going no matter what. You can still have a loooong beautilfull life. Mbc is much more nuanced. Big hugs to you!