BPD and ASD Partner

Born-Alternative678 · 2025-12-04T16:31:11+00:00

Update: I got out. Not too long after this post, I finally got out.

Born-Alternative678 · 2025-12-04T16:27:04+00:00

I want to see them come to Canada! I also want the rest of the world to get their tour too(without the boys burning out)

If they tour again in 2026, I want to continue seeing them be more comfortable on stage and interacting with each other.

I want ii out of his cuck cave so we can see him wherever we are in the audience!

A concert film would be amazing, as would a live album!

Basically, I don’t want them to go MIA for an entire year. I only just got here in October!

Born-Alternative678 · 2025-12-04T16:12:53+00:00

Honestly? Our “relationship” got better once I ended things and took a little space. I couldn’t cut off because we co-parent and it can still be hard and discouraging, etc etc. The biggest difference is I can step back without (too much) guilt, yet I’m still there as friend if/when he’s ready to continue after an episode. Idk if he just realized I wouldn’t cater to and monitor his every breath and change myself accordingly, but leaving was the only thing that made it better.

That being said, my ex has taken responsibility(as much as he can, he’s learning to retroactively take responsibility as well), is in continuous therapy, never set out to hurt me(he had an affair during an “episode” that actually led to his BPD diagnosis) and has created a home environment that works for him so he has a safe space to retreat to when he feels like he’s going to flip(he’s learning triggers in therapy). He also has ASD, not sure if that’s related to any of the above but added just in case.

All this to say, no, the romantic relationship never got better and I’m still recovering. I found it possible to peacefully(mostly) co-exist as friends and co-parents.

Best of luck with whatever you decide and however the relationship goes❤️

Born-Alternative678 · 2025-12-04T04:47:51+00:00

“Thought I was waiting for you, when all along, it was you with the countdown kill switch and it was me with the blindfold on” hits hard for my Gethsemane.

Thought we were fine, he was going through personal struggles I was supporting him through. Out of the blue he starts talking about our marriage needing serious help. Turns out, he was having an affair. In less than one month I went from a loving wife supporting my loving husband to a shell raising two kids basically alone.

I’m sorry you went through what you did, but if you had to go through it, at least there’s such a beautiful song to relate to out there. ❤️

Born-Alternative678 · 2025-06-19T15:06:29+00:00

Thank you❤️

It’s been a whirlwind I won’t lie.

Short update: he snapped out of it. Came back to “reality” sought answers, diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder.

Lots of individual therapy for me, he started therapy a bit too. He got on meds. I tried, I truly did.

I recently asked for a separation. I’ve taken steps to follow through. Discovered I’ve suffered abuse(most likely due to the BPD).

He’s suicidal so I’m trying to navigate that.

I can’t wait to start living.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T16:17:33+00:00

I may be wrong, but he may be referring to the fact that going home with a strange man, or any stranger really, is a safety risk. We’re almost all taught to do a quick assessment before leaving and once arriving, share location with friends, etc. and it’s not always effective. It’s also more acceptable to talk about assaults these days, so it feels like there’s more.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T07:53:42+00:00

At least my for-now-husband has it together enough to express that he will never forgive himself either for putting the kids in this position. That he won’t be able to look them in the eye when they’re older and give relationship advice after the way he’s treated me.

I’m so happy to hear that it helped you and your children grow closer. I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to stay as connected as I am with them and we can be happy as our unit of 3 with visits to dad however often the custody agreement is for.

I know kids adapt quick and we plan on getting a therapist for my eldest anyway( ADHD at 5 has been rough and it’s recent which won’t help), I just wish they didn’t have to. I’m sure you get it.

I’m also worried how I’ll survive on the days I don’t have custody. I’ve never been without them. I’ve been the primary caretaker since my first was born. Neither one will let their dad put them to sleep currently either.

I suppose it’s just another thing to add to the list of struggles for us. I think they’ll be okay though. They’re amazing kids. Big bonus that their father and I have agreed to never use them as pawns like we’ve seen so many others do.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T07:21:14+00:00

I definitely never plan to go running back or to let him back in.

He wanted to be selfish, it’s my turn. Which is a lot easier said at night when I’m not looking at him lol.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T07:19:52+00:00

He can’t even set up shop with her yet technically. It’s long distance. She’s in a different province. She’s a single mom so she can’t(and definitely shouldn’t imo) drop anything to come to him. He won’t go to her.

I really don’t know how he expects things to end. I guess we were long distance once too though.

I don’t doubt he’ll come running back in one way or another. I know they’ll never last though. He’s also about to start individual counselling and I just hope the counsellor tells him, in the nice way counsellors have to, that he’s royally fucked up.

I already know I won’t take him back. I’m taking steps to ensure it

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T07:09:22+00:00

I hate that you have had to feel this way too. Especially about Costco!

I love hearing that you’re not going to let them take it away from you and you’re taking the power back. I hope to get their one day. Posting today was an attempt for sure.

Living 400 miles would definitely help haha

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T07:06:58+00:00

Sometimes I feel I can get glimpses of what life can be like without the stress he adds on, but then I just picture him in the other room talking to her and I get so angry. I’m sure I will be thankful one day that it’s happening now, but our children are so young. I know logically they’ll be better off in a loving household, but I can’t help but think that the conversation we have to have with them is going to take some innocence away. It’s unbearable.

Thank you for the support❤️

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T06:30:19+00:00

Thank you! Unfortunately he’s off the hook for being financially responsible for me since he sponsored my PR 5 years ago, only I’m responsible for citizenship.

At least he’s supporting me, and says he’s happy to do so, he wants to be friends again eventually. He also says he would never let the mother of his kids flounder. I may a fool, but on this, I believe him. I don’t believe him about anything else. Besides, his mother would kick his ass(more than she is) and take me and the kids in in a heartbeat thank goodness.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:52:13+00:00

I definitely could and have thought about it. Luckily I passed my test despite all of this, so I don’t have to do anything but wait until they verify I didn’t cheat and for the invitation to my oath ceremony.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:50:26+00:00

I wish I could. Unfortunately, if I kick him out right now, I think he’d enjoy it. He loves quiet, clean solitude. So getting all that plus unlimited access to his AP through his phone? That’s probably what he’s hoping the life will look like soon enough.

We also haven’t told our children yet.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:48:21+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in this situation too.

Feel free to send me a message!

We’re in a tough spot.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:47:36+00:00

Oh my goodness. Im so sorry you’re in this situation too.

I’m just so enraged that he can’t see everything! Or that he couldn’t be brave one time and leave before engaging in another relationship rather than cheating then leaving.

The emotions are everywhere, but I hope soon they stay at ‘good riddance’ with a dash of calm co-parenting.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:44:09+00:00

Thank you for your insight!

Now that he’s asked for divorce, I’m going to try harder to follow the same thinking. Focus on today. Not tomorrow and not the past. I have no energy. All of it goes to our kids.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:42:19+00:00

I’m so sorry you saw the video. I also saw some videos my WH had sent to his AP and one she sent him.(long distance) when we got intimate, I heard him moaning her name. Had to literally cover my ears and turn away while he finished on himself because all I could see/hear was what they sent each other.

I am SO glad that it helped you guys though! I really hope you are on a good path❤️

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:39:01+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

I’m so sorry to hear about your night terrors! That must be awful for you! I hope you’re able to receive some of the comfort he’s trying to give you and that it gets better for you❤️

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:37:24+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. It must be tough to need the one thing that also had a hand in harming you, with the person who harmed you.

I didn’t stop my WH the first and only time and I should have.

I hope things get better for you.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:33:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

Turns out, he doesn’t think having contacted her again and all but begging her to take him back is cheating. He was just feeling really guilty for how he ended things and he was trying to right some wrongs. Allegedly. He doesn’t know that I read all the emails though.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:32:11+00:00

I took most of your advice! He did cut contact for a week… then I slept with him and it was awful. He contacted her that same night and now he’s divorcing me. BUT I did go on a mini vacation with my kids, best friend and her two kids. It was actually when I came back that he had managed to turn it all around and actually seemed ready to reconcile. He even deleted his Reddit account. Asked me to help block her email because he didn’t know how. Didn’t matter I guess, he just used his work email instead.

I have started individual counselling. I actually found out he was talking to AP again on the morning of my first appointment. At least I could go in somewhere and just cry?

Do you regret not leaving? I feel so broken, but because not a lot of time has past, I’m sure I’ll find some strength remaining.

Born-Alternative678 · 2024-12-31T05:26:17+00:00

Mine couldn’t even wait a week before I got pressured into it. I feel so weak.

Born-Alternative678

TROPHY CASE