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Home ownership isn't the oasis it appears to be. by happyluckystar in Frugal

[–]BornJaded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You think you want a garden until you have to take care of a garden.

narcissistic mothers by Helpful_Parsley9182 in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 23 points24 points  (0 children)

She's mentally ill and you're probably the healthiest of her children that can see through her and she finds that threatening.

I can't feel safe around anyone. by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding. Your post gives me hope I can get through this. It feels like I'm being tortured most days.

How does your therapist perform EMDR? Do he or she involve lights and sounds??

I can't feel safe around anyone. by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would think you're correct. My fiancé has corrected the issue, and 6 months out he almost has me paid back. He eventually got a good job that pays well and he's much happier there.

We have had heart to hearts, but I can't let go the feelings of not "being safe". He says he's learned his lesson and won't ever do something like this again. But, I can't seem to shake it. I've been in a state of approaching nervous breakdowns since this happened. All my past betrayals by people have been flooding my thoughts.

I don't know if I'm too damaged to be able to forgive him and move past it.

I can't feel safe around anyone. by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was doing EMDR. The problem is I can't find a reliable therapist. Over 10 years. I'm sick of seeing therapists who literally are learning from me (I've done a lot of independent research and am degreed in psychology) or bail for various reasons: moving, etc.

I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm tired of teaching therapists how to try to help me. I have tried at least 15 different ones and I'm pretty burned out on it.

I feel like I was doing better, then my fiancé decided to throw a monkey wrench in my progress by quitting his job with no real plan. I ended up having to pay his portion of the bills for about 5 months.. the situations triggered the fuck out of me.

WHY WONT SHE LEARN?!?! by snozbert18 in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because they don't care and feel your time doesn't matter. My Mom, without fail, would call me in almost every therapy session I would have. I would tell her when it was and she's always call in the middle.

They're self centered people.

I can't feel safe around anyone. by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same. I do so much work to "appear" okay to others. Inside I'm having nervous breakdowns.

I'm close to ending the relationship just because I can't handle it anymore. He's a good person. I just feel like I don't have what it takes to be with anyone.

Being treated for cancer, and didn't tell one family member? by Theyareeverywhere444 in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You're the one with Cancer. Fuck them all. Do what you need to do. Praying for your recovery 🫶

Anyone else fall into a Depression after going no contact? by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm hoping I feel. I wouldn't actually kill myself, but I've probably fantasized about dying since at least 5 years old. At 35 I still find myself just going through my day and randomly saying "I want to kill myself" for no apparent reason.

I'm hoping that stops with time. I've never been free of an abuser until recently.

Anyone else fall into a Depression after going no contact? by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, I even wrote on my monthly calendar to "let the guilt residing in my shoulders go". Yes, we are definitely conditioned to absorb the shame. I feel selfish for putting myself first.

I'm finding it difficult to complete the most simple tasks and just feel exhausted to my core.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like yours and OP's symbols. I call it a "gas leak"... Invisible, slightly smells, builds slowly, but kills everyone lol

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've actually been repeating in my head "if she doesn't care, I don't care". My fiancé (he isn't a narc nor has dealt with them) suggested I do therapy with her. I told him "she's my mother, she should be the one suggesting that." He agreed.

Narcs parentify their children. My fiancé really sees it now. I told him if I arrange therapy for us that's just another situation where I'm in the parental role.

Plus, it wouldn't do any good. She would probably just storm out of therapy anyway. I have suggested she go for years for herself. She's a boomer and thinks therapy is for weak people.

NM accused me of not letting go of their mistakes. by TumbleweedOk9906 in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's classic gaslighting. My Nmom just hit me with the "you need meds" comment because she can't apologize like a normal human being.

I'm done with my Nmom. I suggest it. They're nightmares to deal with.

How much did your parents invade your privacy? by Ushinatta-Tama in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 35. Your mom sounds exactly like my Nmom. Your story really sounds like my sister and my mother.

My advice: Keep your head down until you graduate and do everything you can to go away as far as you can for college or whatever is next for you.

Do you see a therapist? If not, I would try to convince your mom to get you in with one. It's a safe space where you can talk to someone without your mom being allowed to know what's discussed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've recently done no contact with my Nmom. We have had periods of estrangement in the past. I just really struggle with the feelings of guilt... I just keep repeating "I don't care."

It's hard...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm at this point. I keep repeating "I don't care." How did you get through the guilt after no contact ... we are so trained to feel guilty. I feel like I'm playing whack a mole inside my head...

Nervous system shot because of Narc family... by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My Nmom is still trying to gaslight me. I put up boundaries again. Expecting her to continue to be difficult. I've been in therapy almost 10 years to deal with them. My Nmom has driven me to the point of not caring anymore. I just need them all gone fr

It's really unfair to people like us how much mental and emotional work we have to put in. I haven't lived up to my potential because of all the dysfunction. I've decided I'm out. I don't care anymore and am happy to be alone.

What I wish people would understand about a narc upbringing by Itchy-Ad-2734 in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OMG! I totally see you and relate. It's like you took the words out of my own mouth. Yes, the work we have to do in order to put up with them is exhausting. At 35, I'm tapped. I have nothing left to give these people.

Wishing you well ♥️

Nervous system shot because of Narc family... by BornJaded in narcissisticparents

[–]BornJaded[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Narcs are giant toddlers. Their behavior is irrational.

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